Ugh....

O2girl

I don't know if the fact that we are supposed to be doing our FET in 8 days has anything to do with why I'm feeling anxious about my DHs 6 month cancer work up or not.

We have gone through this every 6 months for 6 years.... But I feel anxious about it this time. I didn't even want to go with him. I feel like I want to cry. He keeps reminding me that he is healthy and the scans and blood work will all be negative.... But I'm worried. I guess it is a mix of the hormones and the fact that we are scheduled for our FET on the 6th... But I cannot seem to pull my head out of the negativity realm.

krdesi

You brain, heart and body have been through a lot lately! I have my fingers crossed that your husband's appointment goes well, like the last 6 years!

katekat8721

***siggy***


Like ThoseThreeWords said, you're emotionally tapped right now sweets. It's normal to be feeling the way you are under these circumstances. I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine and they'll find hubby perfectly healthy. Then once that is behind you, you will be able to focus on enjoying being knocked up!

(((hugs)))

O2girl

Thanks ladies. I'm just scared. I just want a happy, healthy family!

christia10

Those are noble and worthy desires O2 girl. Many prayers. May you have peace.

O2girl

Oh my goodness! I'm crying. DH is still at the hospital waiting on the doc... And I just realized he gets scans every 6 months, it's been 6 years, and we have our FET for the 6th... I hope that isn't a bad sign

ally510

********siggy warning********

MH is also a cancer survivor, so I've been there. Sometimes I am so confident that all of his scans will be clear, while other times I get so anxious that I can't sleep for the week leading up to his appointments. Your anxiety is likely stemming from your hormones. Try to remember that with each clean scan, it is less likely to return...the longer he is in remission, the more likely he'll stay that way. Thoughts and prayers for you and YH.

RunCC37

Thinking of you, dear Praying for a healthy, happy, GROWING family!!

O2girl

Crap! He has a nodule in his lung! Now we have been going through the nodule stuff since last year. DH even had sections of his lungs removed for testing at my insistence..... They said it was an organizing pneumonia most likely caused by his bleomycin treatment during his cancer treatment....lung damage is common with high dosages. The nodules were gone last scan.. Now he has one again and the doc wants to scan him again in 2 months... Plus for whatever reason they forgot to pull his markers from his blood work last week so he has to have them drawn again!!!! Now I'm just mad >:|

kjf114

You have so much going on and emotionally provably drained. Your DH is in my prayers everything goes great.

TaylorH84

Goodluck with everything!! I hope you have good news all around! You've been through a lot...try to hang in there!

Sunny B

How tough. I think it's just the hormones and anxiety. I will pray for your H if that's ok, and I'm sure that everything will be a-ok!

O2girl

I just can't deal! I don't even want to go to my appt with the RE tomorrow. Crying..... Sorry I can't think positively right now.

katib77

If he's had nodules before, try to remember it didn't mean anything last time.  And if you skip your appointment you will only be upset you pushed it later.  I know it all weighs us down, the extra crap in life.  And I had nodules on my thyroid - so I know the feeling of thinking the worst (although not as a cancer survivor) so I know you're letting the negativity in.  Hug your husband, let him remind you why you're doing the treatments and FET.  Remember that you love each other and are facing both of these together.  Then get some rest, get up and deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.  One day at a time.  (((HUGS)))

ally510

**********siggy warning***********

What type of cancer did he have? MH also had bleomycin as a part of his protocol. We went through something similar last year. MH's scan showed enlarged lymph nodes compared to the prior one (he had lymphoma). They also made him come back in 2 months rather than 6 as well. Those 2 months were really difficult because my mind played all sorts of tricks on me...everything seemed like a fucking cancer symptom. His tumors were in his lymph nodes and lungs, so every time he cleared his throat I was sure they were in his chest again. At his next appointment, his scan were clean again. I have always tried to tell myself not to worry until I had something to worry about...so much easier said than done! His doctors need to take every precaution to make sure he stays cancer free, so every little thing that appears on his scan will get red flagged. I know it is so very difficult, especially when you're trying to start a family, but try to focus on the positive. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this...the last thing you need as your prepping for your FET is this added stress. More thoughts and prayers coming your way.   

TaylorH84

O2girl said:

I just can't deal! I don't even want to go to my appt with the RE tomorrow. Crying..... Sorry I can't think positively right now.

I'm so sorry!!

Twinkie0612

Hang in there. I'm sure the hormones are adding to your anxiety. Sometimes when I felt myself getting a little crazy from the hormones, I would remind myself that what I was feeling is being intensified by the drugs and that it is not as bad as I am making it out to be. Sometimes it helped sometimes not.

O2girl

ally510 said:

**********siggy warning***********

What type of cancer did he have? MH also had bleomycin as a part of his protocol. We went through something similar last year. MH's scan showed enlarged lymph nodes compared to the prior one (he had lymphoma). They also made him come back in 2 months rather than 6 as well. Those 2 months were really difficult because my mind played all sorts of tricks on me...everything seemed like a fucking cancer symptom. His tumors were in his lymph nodes and lungs, so every time he cleared his throat I was sure they were in his chest again. At his next appointment, his scan were clean again. I have always tried to tell myself not to worry until I had something to worry about...so much easier said than done! His doctors need to take every precaution to make sure he stays cancer free, so every little thing that appears on his scan will get red flagged. I know it is so very difficult, especially when you're trying to start a family, but try to focus on the positive. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this...the last thing you need as your prepping for your FET is this added stress. More thoughts and prayers coming your way.   

My DH had an advanced stage of testicular cancer. The tumor formed in his abdominal cavity. They removed all of his lymph nodes in his abdominal cavity and they all came up negative. The doctors have said that the bleomycin most likely isn't responsible for the nodules... At least that is what they said at the beginning until I showed them numerous studies that suggest that the long term effects of bleomycin can be residual lung damage... Which ironically shows up about 5 years post treatment... Which is exactly what happened to my DH. The problem with studies on patients post treatment with bleomycin.... Most are so advanced that making it to the 5 year mark doesn't happen.... So the docs are a little uneducated in my opinion on the long term effects of high dose bleomycin.

That all being said... I hope with all my heart that YH and MH stay cancer free and these are just residual benign damages caused by a nasty drug used to treat an even nastier disease.

princessisadora

@O2girl sending you and your husbands T&P's and lots of strength.

Lm92599

@O2girl praying that all goes ok. So sorry you and your husband are going through this right now.

Irishlove16

I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through.  I can't imagine all the stress you are carrying between your DH's health and infertility.  Just like the PP mentioned - he's had them before and it was nothing so don't jump to the worse!  I will keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you have a good appointment with good news!  

O2girl

Thanks ladies! I really appreciate the support. I don't talk about all the little scares or oddities that come up with my DHs recovery from cancer with very many people my DH and I know (Only a few close girlfriends); this is simply because I don't want to scare anyone who loves my DH.

I try to stay positive... But yesterday got the better of me. The worry also stole my joy about my upcoming FET... That is all on me.

Emotionally I am in a better place then I was yesterday.... And I wanted to thank you all for your encouraging words and kindness. Xoxox

Holly&Troy

So much on your plate right now, saying a prayer for you and your DH!

Sunny B

I'm glad today is a better day for you. I'm thinking of you and your DH!