Another Santa Question

sschwege

I was talking to my SIL recently and she was saying that they think they are not going to do 'Santa', but rather the 'spirit of Santa'.  I didn't quite get what she was saying, but will try to explain as best I understood it.  Basically Santa is in our hearts?  But I guess Santa is not the one bringing the gifts, but mom and dad are inspired by the 'spirit of Santa'.  Again didn't quite understand, but didn't want to offend her by saying, I didn't get what they were trying to do.

Anyway, anyone familiar with this idea?  Also if someone in your family did not do Santa, how did that affect those who do?  I'm just worried they will end it for our kids, not intentionally I would hope, but still kids are kids.  Thoughts, helpful advice?

Mrs.Greg

How old are their kids? I read this letter on Pinterst a while ago, it was from parents to their kids who (I think) already questioned Santa. In the letter, the parents explained who/what Santa is much like you are describing. I didn't pin it so I can't refer to it now but from what I remember, it sounds the same. 

notkateanymore

Another parent who wants credit for Santa!

Andrewsgal

KateMW said:

Another parent who wants credit for Santa!

yep this is what I thought too. In fact I think that about covers everyone who refuses to do Santa.

sschwege

Mrs.Greg said:

How old are their kids? I read this letter on Pinterst a while ago, it was from parents to their kids who (I think) already questioned Santa. In the letter, the parents explained who/what Santa is much like you are describing. I didn't pin it so I can't refer to it now but from what I remember, it sounds the same. 

You are right, she referenced a letter.  Her kids are 3, 20 months and one on the way.  

rosesandpetals

https://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa

Is that the letter? That lady did Santa, though.

jenniann87

sschwege said:

Mrs.Greg said:

How old are their kids? I read this letter on Pinterst a while ago, it was from parents to their kids who (I think) already questioned Santa. In the letter, the parents explained who/what Santa is much like you are describing. I didn't pin it so I can't refer to it now but from what I remember, it sounds the same. 

You are right, she referenced a letter.  Her kids are 3, 20 months and one on the way.  

I have seen this letter floating around pinterest. I think it is meant for older children that can actually understand what is being said, not a 3 yo and younger. It is sad that parents cant just let their kids be kids and have to ruin Santa at such a young age just so they can get credit for gifts. Because to me that is what it really boils down to.

Heck as far as DH and I know, my 10 yo SS still believes in Santa. He still gets presents from Santa and always will. Until he comes to us and asks for himself, I am not saying otherwise.

pitterpatter129

Eh, we aren't going to "do" Santa either.  Like, I'm not going around really playing it up or even mentioning it.  Not writing "from Santa" on presents, etc.  But if my kid brings it up eventually, we will likely play along.  I don't want to rob him of innocence or anything, and I don't want to ruin it for other kids.  I just think Santa is majorly overdone.  I worked in a very low income school too and it was just sad.  It's hard to explain away why Timmy got a power wheel and skis and new clothes and laptop from Santa, but Jill got a used pair of shoes from Santa, and Billy didn't get anything at all.  I think my teaching experiences jaded the whole thing for me.  I'd rather just focus on the holiday spirit of giving to others and baby Jesus, and ignore Santa until my kids are old enough to bring it up themselves and decide what to do then.

 

mrsmichigander

I think I've posted here before...if not, hi all!

We're personally not doing Santa because it's a hugely commercialized aspect of Christmas that degrades the true celebration and meaning of Christmas. I do hope those that do it keep Christ in Christmas, because it's sad to see how many kids have no idea that we're celebrating Jesus' birthday. I think in years past there was a better balance of Santa just being for fun and not the do all of Christmas. (I'm hoping this doesn't sound high horseish...just more it is what it is...I totally get that it's a super fun aspect of Christmas but we've chosen not to even start down that path) I wish I wasn't on my phone
...would cut and paste to say that first.

My guess is that most LOs already know unbelievers don't get presents from santa...so it would just depend upon if the listener believes. I have told my family so in years to come if my LO outs santa they can have a rebuttal ready. I also plan to explain how much fun other families have pretending and hope LO avoids the topic but I'm not going to ask her to lie either. I'd be curious to know what others' experiences are and tactful ways to not step on toes.

I think no santa to get credit for gifts is crummy reasoning. If that was really the case they could do small gifts from santa and big from them.

FWIW, Christmas is my faaaaavorite holiday. Just that santa will stay an entertaining character like Mickey Mouse instead of an all seing omnipresent being.

Wow! Sorry that got so long, I guess I found my soapbox.

nosoup4u

I am strictly "don't ask, don't tell" when it comes to Santa. DH doesn't mind Santa, and they both believe in hom. We don't play up getting gifts from Santa, but we've had them get one gift out of the pile be from him on years past.

I dunno, we just don't play up gifts for Xmas, but that's more bc we're trying to push the general sprite/excitement of Xmas, not bc of baby Jesus or anything. Also bc of consumerism.

LOL that ppl don't want their kids to believe in Santa so they can get credit for gift giving. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I'm very much in the "Santa is stupid" camp. Tryst me, I'm not so insecure that my kids have to know DH and I are buying them Legos for Xmas.

I think it's much more insane to push Santa beliefs on your kids, just to have to tell them he doesn't exist when they're 12. Or deal with the fallout when someone at school tells them.

notkateanymore

I'm really shocked people think Santa is stupid. LOL I mean...it's Santa!! Do you not remember your childhood? Just bc some people play it up too much doesn't mean everybody has to. Lord.

nosoup4u

KateMW said:

I'm really shocked people think Santa is stupid. LOL I mean...it's Santa!! Do you not remember your childhood? Just bc some people play it up too much doesn't mean everybody has to. Lord.

I never believed in Santa, though. DS1 gets so excited about Xmas/Santa in general, that I'm not about to tell him the truth,. hopefully he'll figure it out on his own. Santa is not the be-all end-all of Xmas for kids. I adored Xmas as a kid bc of all the other traditions that happen.

My Santa is stupid feelings have mellowed with motherhood, I swear!

pitterpatter129

I don't think it's stupid, but I only believed for a couple of years.  I just figured it out at 6 yrs old and I probably didn't "get it" until I was 4, so I don't really remember the Santa years.  My DH's family didn't do Santa.  They didn't not do it, but they just kind of never said anything about it at all.  He doesn't feel like missed out and Christmas is still a huge, fun holiday at their house.  I love going over there around Christmas because there are always carols playing and food cooking and decorations everywhere.  I really doubt he missed out on the fun at all.

nosoup4u

Earlybird725 said:

mrsmichigander said:

I would be really mad if my 4 yr old came home from preschool and said that another child told him that Santa is just us playing pretend. Like really mad. I know I can't shield him from everything but Santa is fun and I want him to really believe.

This is why I think the push for kids having to believe in Santa is stupid. Why is it imperative for your kid to have to believe in Santa to enjoy Xmas?

Xmas is a fun holiday for kids, end of story. They don't *have* to believe in Santa to have a great time and understand the spirit of generosity, etc.

notkateanymore

It's not imperative, but for some asshole to tell their kids and then not tell them not to share with others is kinda shitty. When DD didn't believe we told her in no uncertain terms was she supposed to tell people that she thought he wasn't real. We have tons of friends with younger kids and that's just an asshole move IMO. 

lkmc88

I'm jumping in here (I've been on the bump before but have just started using this account. I'm not a creepy stalker).

The only people I know in real life that don't do Santa claim it's for religious reasons. I am very religious but we absolutely do Santa. It makes no sense to me why you can't celebrate Jesus's birth and Santa.

Kids are only young and innocent for such a short amount of time, I will do whatever I can to make it magical for for them!

ETA: I also find it hypocritical when these people claim they won't do Santa for these reasons but then take their kids to Disney 3 times a year. What's the difference?

rosesandpetals

I think wanting credit for the gifts is stupid. I also think saying you don't do Santa for religious reasons is a cop-out because you can do both (as many people do). But I also think Santa is creepy (some guy watching and judging you and determining the extent to which you're worthy of gifts?). We're going to "do" Santa but I don't think it is other people's job to make sure my kid's bubble doesn't burst, either. Santa is supposed to be fun, don't get your pants in a wad over it.

nosoup4u

KateMW said:

It's not imperative, but for some asshole to tell their kids and then not tell them not to share with others is kinda shitty. When DD didn't believe we told her in no uncertain terms was she supposed to tell people that she thought he wasn't real. We have tons of friends with younger kids and that's just an asshole move IMO. 

But what if they have little kids who are too little to not know to tell others? I don't think people who don't have Santa in their homes are sitting around making sure their children ruin it for those who do (and I don't disagree with you, telling a kid there's no Santa is a mean thing to do).

That's what I'm getting at - the whole culture of kids having to believe in Santa sets them up to find out the truth in ways their parents don't have control over. I teach at a school that goes up to 8th grade, I'm sure some of the bigger kids have inadvertently ruined it for younger ones. Such is life, I guess.

notkateanymore

We told DD not to tell anybody...how hard is that? It wasn't. I'm sure it happens as an accident, but to say that you aren't going to tell them not to tell others is just crappy to me. I truly don't care if "you" don't want to do Santa, but don't screw it up for others. 

notkateanymore

roses&65335678 said:

I think wanting credit for the gifts is stupid. I also think saying you don't do Santa for religious reasons is a cop-out because you can do both (as many people do). But I also think Santa is creepy (some guy watching and judging you and determining the extent to which you're worthy of gifts?). We're going to "do" Santa but I don't think it is other people's job to make sure my kid's bubble doesn't burst, either. Santa is supposed to be fun, don't get your pants in a wad over it.

If your child decided at a fairly young age that they didn't believe, you wouldn't tell them to not tell their younger siblings or younger friends and family? Yeah, that's shitty.

PipSqueak0313

LalaMama81 said:

I think if an adult can't get it then kids won't either. And yea, it's "boo hoo, I want them to know I bought them!"

We tried to do Santa with my dd but we didn't have storage space to hide presents before Christmas, and our out of town/state relatives mailed their Christmas presents way early.  For the Christmases my dd was 2 and 3 we were able to get away with telling her that there were too many people for Santa to visit on Christmas Eve so he sends some of the presents in the mail early.  The Christmas dd was 4, my mom and I were shopping for gifts for the Angel Tree tags we had picked when dd informed us that Santa HAD to be the spirit of Christmas gift giving otherwise we wouldn't have to buy presents for poor kids. -- that was in 1995. We never really tried to do Santa after that, not even with my ds1 who was born after 1995. 

LoriLee14

I don't get it. Those presents in the mail weren't from santa, they were from family...

PipSqueak0313

LoriLee14 said:

I don't get it. Those presents in the mail weren't from santa, they were from family...

My former in-laws would send 3-5 large boxes of presents for our family of 3 and a large chunk were tagged as being from Santa. 

ETA: and they all went under the tree when received.

LoriLee14

oh, I didn't realized that they labeled them from santa

pitterpatter129

Earlybird725 said:

My guess is that most LOs already know unbelievers don't get presents from santa...so it would just depend upon if the listener believes. I have told my family so in years to come if my LO outs santa they can have a rebuttal ready. I also plan to explain how much fun other families have pretending and hope LO avoids the topic but I'm not going to ask her to lie either. I'd be curious to know what others' experiences are and tactful ways to not step on toes.

I would be really mad if my 4 yr old came home from preschool and said that another child told him that Santa is just us playing pretend. Like really mad. I know I can't shield him from everything but Santa is fun and I want him to really believe. Santa was so magical when we were kids and yes we also knew all about Jesus. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and it was a really big deal who got to put baby Jesus in the Nativity each year. I'm not super religious anymore but we have a lot of fun Christmas traditions- many involving Santa! We also focus a lot on giving to others and the spirit of Santa.

What about the kid's who don't celebrate Christmas at all?  No Santa, no Jesus.  They have some other religious belief.  What if they were the ones saying it's just a story/make believe?  Hopefully their parents will tell them to keep it to themselves, but it's not really some mean parent refusing to participate in Santa if it really is against their religion.  Unless you are in a religious Christian school, there will probably be a few of these kids in your child's class.  Last year my classroom had a Wiccan, 2 Morman, and one Jewish.  They all told other kids Santa wasn't real.  First grade.  We ended up reading about all the religions in class in the end for Social Sciences because the Santa group was horrified someone didn't believe in either Santa or Jesus.  (eta: obviously the Morman student celebrated Jesus, but they didn't have Santa.)

 

WhiMiMa

Santa can fill my son's stocking...all the awesome gifts are from us. My parents always let santa give us the best gifts and I always gave him credit. We didnt have a lot of money and I wish I would have realized the gifts were from them.

We def will visit santa and make a list, but won't focus on him. My hubby's fam never did any Santa and that always seemed sad.

notkateanymore

Oh lord, another parent who just has to have credit for it...did you ever think that your parents wanted the credit to go to Santa for the "magic"? Why do you have to have the credit for yourself?

rosesandpetals

KateMW said:

roses&65335678 said:

I think wanting credit for the gifts is stupid. I also think saying you don't do Santa for religious reasons is a cop-out because you can do both (as many people do). But I also think Santa is creepy (some guy watching and judging you and determining the extent to which you're worthy of gifts?). We're going to "do" Santa but I don't think it is other people's job to make sure my kid's bubble doesn't burst, either. Santa is supposed to be fun, don't get your pants in a wad over it.

If your child decided at a fairly young age that they didn't believe, you wouldn't tell them to not tell their younger siblings or younger friends and family? Yeah, that's shitty.

Of course I would. But if some other family didn't do Santa and that child told DD that Santa isn't real, I wouldn't be "really really angry" like PP said. I just think people take it too seriously.

LoriLee14

whitneymichele@gmail.com said:

Santa can fill my son's stocking...all the awesome gifts are from us. My parents always let santa give us the best gifts and I always gave him credit. We didnt have a lot of money and I wish I would have realized the gifts were from them. We def will visit santa and make a list, but won't focus on him. My hubby's fam never did any Santa and that always seemed sad.

If your parents really cared about the credit they would have stopped santa so you would know how much they spent on you. I don't know how old your son is, but there is something magical about seeing santa through a child's eyes. Now that you know maybe you can write a letter or card and tell your parents how much it meant to you for keeping the Christmas season special for you even though you know now how hard that might have been. My parents weren't poor but we weren't rich either. They always worked hard to surprise me with santa and I can't wait to see the same excitement in my sons eyes

SallyAnneS

For those that don't do santa how do you explsin the santas in the malls and on tv to your kids?

We do santa in our house. I do have a confession though. Last year I didnt buy logan a train set because I wanted to wait until he was old enough to say thank you and understand it was a gift from me. Totally wanted the credit. A lot has changed in a year and I have matured as a parent. The train set has been bought and it will be a gift from santa! I don't need the credit for it. I know it is from me. And I am so looking forward to seeing his expression and starting the joy of santa. (We have done santa in the past but he didnt really get it, this year he already knows who santa is). 

Isn't the spirit of christmas about giving not receiving?  I give gifts from santa in the spirit of giving with no expectation of receiving credit back.

SallyAnneS

Oh and santa only does stockings and 1 big present. The rest is from us. I do find it odd if everything is from santa and when extended family sends things from santa.

Andrewsgal

SallyAnneS said:

For those that don't do santa how do you explsin the santas in the malls and on tv to your kids?

We do santa in our house. I do have a confession though. Last year I didnt buy logan a train set because I wanted to wait until he was old enough to say thank you and understand it was a gift from me. Totally wanted the credit. A lot has changed in a year and I have matured as a parent. The train set has been bought and it will be a gift from santa! I don't need the credit for it. I know it is from me. And I am so looking forward to seeing his expression and starting the joy of santa. (We have done santa in the past but he didnt really get it, this year he already knows who santa is). 

Isn't the spirit of christmas about giving not receiving?  I give gifts from santa in the spirit of giving with no expectation of receiving credit back.

To me this is a great point. Santa is a great way yo teach selfless giving. At some point our kids will figure out who Santa is and will understand who gave them gifts all those years while taking zero credit.

sschwege

Andrewsgal said:

SallyAnneS said:

For those that don't do santa how do you explsin the santas in the malls and on tv to your kids?

We do santa in our house. I do have a confession though. Last year I didnt buy logan a train set because I wanted to wait until he was old enough to say thank you and understand it was a gift from me. Totally wanted the credit. A lot has changed in a year and I have matured as a parent. The train set has been bought and it will be a gift from santa! I don't need the credit for it. I know it is from me. And I am so looking forward to seeing his expression and starting the joy of santa. (We have done santa in the past but he didnt really get it, this year he already knows who santa is). 

Isn't the spirit of christmas about giving not receiving?  I give gifts from santa in the spirit of giving with no expectation of receiving credit back.

To me this is a great point. Santa is a great way yo teach selfless giving. At some point our kids will figure out who Santa is and will understand who gave them gifts all those years while taking zero credit.

That is a good point.  

Part of it is the enjoyment of watching others enjoy themselves.  I found out there was no Santa when I was nine.  I still had friends who believed, younger cousins and my younger brother.  I never spoiled it for them, for one reason I would have been in big trouble.  But the other more important reason was, I enjoyed watching them get excited.  I protected that for them, because the delight it brought them brought me joy as well.  

fancynewbeesly

pitterpatter129 said:

Earlybird725 said:

My guess is that most LOs already know unbelievers don't get presents from santa...so it would just depend upon if the listener believes. I have told my family so in years to come if my LO outs santa they can have a rebuttal ready. I also plan to explain how much fun other families have pretending and hope LO avoids the topic but I'm not going to ask her to lie either. I'd be curious to know what others' experiences are and tactful ways to not step on toes.

I would be really mad if my 4 yr old came home from preschool and said that another child told him that Santa is just us playing pretend. Like really mad. I know I can't shield him from everything but Santa is fun and I want him to really believe. Santa was so magical when we were kids and yes we also knew all about Jesus. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and it was a really big deal who got to put baby Jesus in the Nativity each year. I'm not super religious anymore but we have a lot of fun Christmas traditions- many involving Santa! We also focus a lot on giving to others and the spirit of Santa.

What about the kid's who don't celebrate Christmas at all?  No Santa, no Jesus.  They have some other religious belief.  What if they were the ones saying it's just a story/make believe?  Hopefully their parents will tell them to keep it to themselves, but it's not really some mean parent refusing to participate in Santa if it really is against their religion.  Unless you are in a religious Christian school, there will probably be a few of these kids in your child's class.  Last year my classroom had a Wiccan, 2 Morman, and one Jewish.  They all told other kids Santa wasn't real.  First grade.  We ended up reading about all the religions in class in the end for Social Sciences because the Santa group was horrified someone didn't believe in either Santa or Jesus.  (eta: obviously the Morman student celebrated Jesus, but they didn't have Santa.)

 

As a Jewish kid growing up---I don't think my parents every TOLD my brother and I about Santa. I think we were given the line that "some people believe in him."--not that it was right or wrong too. Of course, I remember believing in the whole mystical/magical North Pole. But I know that my brother and I never told anyone the santa secret---I am not sure if my parents even made a big deal about it with us.

nosoup4u

SallyAnneS said:

For those that don't do santa how do you explsin the santas in the malls and on tv to your kids?

...

Isn't the spirit of christmas about giving not receiving?  I give gifts from santa in the spirit of giving with no expectation of receiving credit back.

Huh? How does seeing someone dressed up as Santa mess up the kids who don't believe in him? I would think the opposite is harder - having to explain to your kid that not *all* Santas are the Real Santa.

Xmas is about giving, being generous, being with family and friends, making cookies, etc. etc. etc. Having a fat man in a red suit giving out gifts is not the entire freaking holiday. I give gifts in the spirit of just giving them, and also don't expect anything back. And I've never believed in Santa. Shocking, I know!

pitterpatter129

Ugh.  Now I'm starting to think it would be fun after all this Santa talk.  And I do love The Polar Express book sooo much. I don't hate Santa - I just think it's so over-commercialized.  I don't want Christmas to revolve around Santa, but I guess you can do both without overdoing it. I really don't think my DS1 is old enough to "get it" yet though anyhow.