Coping, or lack of

Menrandes

It's been three weeks now.  The memory of the extreme pain from the miscarriage, pain I would have rated at a 10 at the time, is fading.  The bleeding stopped two weeks and two days after the miscarriage.  I was beginning to wonder if it ever would.
I feel like so many people trivialize my pain.  I was a mom, am a mom, and the baby that died inside of me is my child.  Telling me it's so common doesn't take that pain away.  I saw my child on the ultrasound, healthy heartbeat and on track at 8 and a half weeks.  A week later and it was over. 
Why should I "get over it"?
I've been having nightmares every night.  I'm hoping that they stop soon.  I feel perpetually sleep deprived.  My eyes burn from the lack of sleep and the random times I find myself crying.
I just wonder when it will get easier.
We tried for 3 and half years to even get pregnant.  I know we will try again.  I'd try again now if I was able to. 
But to have people act to me as if I should be over it now makes things hurt even more.

libby+nate

It is still so fresh. You will never "get over it" but you will learn coping mechanisms to help you lead a normal,happy life. Miscarriage sucks and it isn't fair. You are a mom and have the right to grieve. So sorry for your loss. You are not alone!

amismom

I agree, I really don't think its something you get over. This is my first loss and I'm starting to accept that ill carry this for awhile. I know that ill always wonder and think about my lost little one. Don't for a minute feel guilty for your grief! You loved your baby and you have every right to. I know what your going through, I understand your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss

alm288

I agree with the other ladies. You should not feel guilty or have to justify your grief. I think it's very difficult for people to understand if they have the luck of never having to experience it.

Give yourself time to heal emotionally. It's a huge loss. Everyone grieves and heals differently and at different speeds. There is no set of rules or guidelines how you should feel or how long the process will take.

I do think that time heals - that doesn't mean you forget. It just means to me that I am able to find peace with what has happened and am able to move forward. Wishing you the best of luck! *hugs*

masterofallcheese

"i was a mom, i am a mom"...exactly! you and we all loved our babies when they were blueberry-sized and smaller...they were real babies to us! so please grieve for that beautiful baby you lost. dont listen to the people who tell you to get over it and just focus on yourself and the process of healing. and remember this board is always here to help

Ashley144u

I can relate with people expecting me to be over it by now! Its a terrible thing to go through. I think of the baby I lost often. I truly believe he or she is a guardian angel for my family. Thoughts and prayers!!!

maisonduchoco2

You have every right to grieve and process and remember. I find that some people try to trivialize because they think it will help you feel better, which sucks. I am so sorry for your loss and I am trusting these ladies when they say that time helps you cope.

megrae12

I am so sorry for your loss! You have every right to go through the process how you need to. No one grieves the same. Grief is not linear. It ebbs and flows and sometimes downright drowns you. It will always be there but eventually, things get bearable. Eventually that open wound in your heart scabs over, then turns into a deep scar. It will always be there and there will always be a piece of your soul missing. Always. I will never be the same person again, you will never the same again. None of us will, but one thing we will all be is stronger. We will be stronger, and we will always hold our babies in our hearts. That will never change. ((Hugs)) to you.