Telling LO "No"

alli84

At bath time last night I was getting super frustrated with O because he would grab the spout, pull himself up, then sit down quickly to make a huge splash. I kept telling him No No, but he just looks at me and grins as he does it again. DH came in and took over because he could tell I was getting annoyed.
What do you do to tell them no and do they listen or keep going?

hmp1

Redirect, remove them from the situation.

willy_gert

What hmp said and if it is something she is touching, we will flick her hand or smack it so she gets the point.  Not hard, not in an abusive manner, just enough to get her attention and let her know it isn't okay.

Hyaline

For DD, "No" means "Pause."  She will stop what she's doing and look at me if I say No in a stern voice, but I then have to use that pause to step in and redirect.  

Sometimes redirection results in a tantrum, FWIW.  

But saying No does "work" in that she stops, albeit temporarily.

MommaP12

Hyaline said:

For DD, "No" means "Pause."  She will stop what she's doing and look at me if I say No in a stern voice, but I then have to use that pause to step in and redirect.  

Sometimes redirection results in a tantrum, FWIW.  

But saying No does "work" in that she stops, albeit temporarily.

This.  She knows on some level that "no" means something is not cool with mommy and redirection, while a good tactic, almost always results in screaming.

Bighair12

She just tells me no back and smiles. So frustrating.

miss50

mnkate said:

LO loves to stand up in the tub. I just say, "We sit on our bottoms in the tub", sit him back down and try to get him interested in something else. If it keeps happening, or he won't redirect, then he's done with bath time.

Yeppers

KellersPrag

willy_gert said:

What hmp said and if it is something she is touching, we will flick her hand or smack it so she gets the point.  Not hard, not in an abusive manner, just enough to get her attention and let her know it isn't okay.

Nope. No, no, no.

[Deleted User]

Woooow. Really, Willy_Gert? Wtf?

Holly_1007

I 'supernanny' in the tub. As soon as he stands I sit him down and tell him to sit. He gets 3 strikes and then he is out. Not that he can really count, but I like to keep things consistent. He has gotten the hint now that tubs aren't for standing. I bathe the boys together so I need to make sure they are both safe while my attention is on the other.
Not going to touch the 'swatting' thing (SWIDT?)

linzeek44

I'll touch the hand swatting comment (SWIDT?)  

Personally, I don't swat around these parts. I wouldn't want E swatting my hand to get my attention so I won't do it to him. Plus, you know, all that "gentle hands" talk doesn't make a lot of sense if then I'm swatting him. 

We limit our use of no around here to things that are unsafe (mostly playing with cords or pulling off our glasses since we are blind without them). I say no in a serious voice and sign no. Since we don't use no all the time and we don't use that tone hardly ever, it gets his attention. After saying "no X" we redirect using the language of what we want him to do ("No cords. You can play with this toy." 

For things that aren't unsafe but generally just annoying or things we'd rather he not do, we mostly stick to just quick redirection with the language of what we want him to do. "Sit down." "Bib stays on." 

He doesn't always stop doing what we're asking him not to. We don't play a game like tell him no repetitively and have him reach for it and tell him no again. We tell him once, offer an alternative, and then remove him from the situation before it becomes a back-and-forth game. When he does the right thing, we immediately give a lot of positive praise or attention about following the expectations. 

MrsKipper

I want to have the patience of @linzeek44 when I grow up!

But really, I don't think 13-14 month olds get "no" completely. It's a lot of repeat offenses and constant redirection, but I don't think they really start to fully understand "no" until 18m+.

I could be wrong about that, though. It's just been my observation and knowledge collection.

klgrh6

We swat DD's hand when she's getting into something dangerous that we have already said No and redirected her from. There are just times when she is really testing the water and she will stare straight at you before grabbing, touching, pulling, whatever dangerous item. Usually it's the nightlight in the hallway.

Swatting hands or a tap on the bottom is a last resort but has happen when teaching her that something is harmful and she needs to leave it alone. She no longer touches and night light and when she does we only have to say NO now as a reminder.

I guess that makes me flame-worthy too.

willy_gert

klgrh6 said:

We swat DD's hand when she's getting into something dangerous that we have already said No and redirected her from. There are just times when she is really testing the water and she will stare straight at you before grabbing, touching, pulling, whatever dangerous item. Usually it's the nightlight in the hallway.

Swatting hands or a tap on the bottom is a last resort but has happen when teaching her that something is harmful and she needs to leave it alone. She no longer touches and night light and when she does we only have to say NO now as a reminder.

I guess that makes me flame-worthy too.

I think that's the important thing to realize, it's a last resort. It is absolutely not the first!

I agree that with my DD she is testing her boundaries too. I would never do it first or for any reason other than the last resort to keep her safe!

KKSBeans

K actually responds to no...when she wants to. Lately, she has learned to crawl under the kitchen table to get to things I have blocked for a reason (dog toys, etc). I chased her to the corner and took her back out so many times I was sweating. So I sat her on the couch with me squatting in front of her. I told her that it was not ok to crawl under the table and that she could get hurt doing it (she stands up underneath the table then doesn't understand the concept of squatting back down to get out so she hits her head every..single...time). I don't know if it was a fluke or what, but the next time she started to do it, I said no, she grinned and stopped and came running to me for a hug instead. I gave her a ton of praise and told her what a good girl it is to listen to mommy and she hasn't done it since. I don't  know if this will help, but I guess it's worth a try ?

KellersPrag

willy_gert said:

What hmp said and if it is something she is touching, we will flick her hand or smack it so she gets the point.  Not hard, not in an abusive manner, just enough to get her attention and let her know it isn't okay.

Just pointing out that she got backlash here because not once did she mention for a dangerous situation. Her post sounds pretty clear that it is any time LO touches something she doesn't want her touching.

She clarified since then, but that's what her original post says.

willy_gert

KellersPrag said:

What hmp said and if it is something she is touching, we will flick her hand or smack it so she gets the point.  Not hard, not in an abusive manner, just enough to get her attention and let her know it isn't okay.

Just pointing out that she got backlash here because not once did she mention for a dangerous situation. Her post sounds pretty clear that it is any time LO touches something she doesn't want her touching. She clarified since then, but that's what her original post says.

Fair, but what I got from the OP was that she didn't want LO standing in the tub because it was dangerous.  So when I said touching I meant touching or trying to touch something dangerous, i.e. relating it to the original OP.  

But, if you guys feel better thinking I am that horrible mom who is abusing her child by flicking and or smacking her hand for the hell of it, go for it.

[Deleted User]

Now who's getting offended?

ktnicole

So... I let Lexie stand in the tub all the time. I may even giggle when she slips while being a goof.

But seriously. LO has started "hitting" from daycare (more swatting) and its not okay to do the same to them. She needs to know that we don't show our frustration that way.

All of this coming from someone that was physically punished as a child. Sure, naturally I would swat back... (like a 1 yr old) but they deserve us to teach them not punish them.

jbBeans

I don't understand how swatting would be more effective at keeping a child safe than physically removing them from the situation. She's about to touch the hot pot? Pick her up and move her away from it. Swat a hand, and she's still right near this boiling pot, yes?

I agree that protection is different than everyday, recurring discipline, but it still doesn't seem like the most effective way to handle the situation.