SAHM & Part Timers - do your husbands 'help' at all?

grlmom16

 

JulesDiane

I SAH. My husbands helps out quite a bit He wants to help out and spend time with the girls. Although, it also depends on if he actually gets home in time for bath time and bed time. If he is home in time, he usually takes responsibility for getting DD1 to bed.

sschwege

I'm a SAHM and also watch another little baby in our home full-time.  DH is out of the house most of our children's waking hours during the day, but when he is home he is a HUGE help!  

erbear

Not in your situation, but yes, I would expect my husband to want to see the kids and help out with them when he was home. Maybe not housework (though only maybe) but yeah, his kids too. He gets to do some of that.

BelhurstBride

I SAH and work part time. DH does bath time and gets DD1 ready for bed. Always has. He also usually plays with her most of the evening and has for years now. DD loves her father and can't wait for 1:1 time with him. 

[Deleted User]

I do bath and getting ready for bed 99% of the time but that's because DH is usually doing dishes and tidying up after dinner since I cook. He and I trade off on reading books to DS and then we both put him to bed together. If he ever thought I should shoulder 100% of the parenting duties, I would have a big problem with that. It is not fair at all to you.

camedowncrushing

I SAH, and DH doesn't really help.  He works A LOT though.  If I am lucky he gets home just as I am putting dinner on the table, and DD goes to bed an hour after that.  So he doesn't typically help unless for some reason I have a night appointment or something.  I really don't expect him to though.  On weekends he often works.  On the weekends he doesn't work we try to do fun stuff together as a family.  He does take the garbage out though, and handles all the maintenance on our cars. 

kcisthebombdotcom

I stay at home everyday but work two evenings a week after dh is home from work. Dh helps out a lot. He picks up the kitchen every night after dinner, takes care of the trash, handles finances, outdoor stuff, and whatever miscellaneous stuff I ask him. If I spend my days stuck on the couch with two sick kids he has no qualms about picking up a mop though he would have to be told--he's not a mind reader and kind of clueless. Lol. When the kids were younger he contributed more but now they're getting older and more self sufficient/play together I'm able to get more done. Parenting is 50/50 when he's home. I would have a huge issue with a guy who didn't want to help with parenting regardless of my work status (though in your case its even worse since 30 hours is only two hours shy of full time). I think you need to have a come to Jesus meeting stat.

Angela814

He doesn't "help", he parents with me. I work part time - about 20 hours/week now. DH does bath time most nights. He cooks dinner at least 50% of the time, if not more. He puts the older two girls to bed; I put the baby to bed. We both load and unload the dishwasher. We both clean. The only thing I'm solely in charge of is my and the kids laundry, but I don't want his help with that. Oh, and DH does all of the yard work. I think we're pretty evenly split.

AKAP2010

I am a "part time" SAHM but when I go to work as a nanny I bring my son. So I never get a break! My husband doesn't EXPECT me to do anything. I EXPECT for me to clean the house, laundry, and meals most of the time. If I need his help with any of that he never refuses and he understands if not everything gets done. He still helps with our son every night he's home. He works a lot but I still expect him to help. I didn't get pregnant on my own and I don't expect to raise our kids on my own. He has realized that I "work" full time too and am expecting again. I think you need to sit down and tell him how you feel. Good luck

prism207

I SAH and my husband "helps" with the kids all the time...because he is their parent also and they need/want interaction with him.

Your husband needs a swift kick in the pants.  Not cool.

ashiscute

I SAH and DH and I are 50/50 when he's home.  I would not be okay with him not being involved with the kids and I can't imagine him not wanting to be.  I do almost all of the major cleaning but he helps with cooking and dishes.  And he changes just as many diapers on the weekends as I do.  You should have an honest talk with your DH. 

grlmom16

 

TaraandRichforever

I SAH and dont have another job and my husband helps out alot. He is with DD from the time he comes home until she goes to bed. He plays with her, gets her ready for bed, gives her a shower and we take turns putting her to bed each night. He also helps around the house. And he is home on weekends so he will usually take her one day to his parents so I can relax.

laurakaz13

Nope, my husband does not "help".  He parents with me 50/50.  These posts always make me so angry.  Men who refuse to be equal parents to their children suck.  Sorry, OP.  It's just the truth. 

sugarbear0524

laurakaz13 said:

Nope, my husband does not "help".  He parents with me 50/50. 

I second this. My DH is as much a parent as I am. . He did colic, diaper explosions, and bottles when DS was little. Now he plays trains, gives DS baths--basically everything I do. It's definitely 50/50 in our house.

Anytime you set up a situation where your DH is "helping" you, it insinuates that it's your responsibility and that he is doing it out of the kindness of his heart instead of doing it because he loves your child and it's his responsibility.

OP, was your DH expecting you to do everything from the beginning? Did you talk about all of that before you got pregnant? Maybe this is a matter of different expectations. Work this out before you have another one!

BeanNut

I just transitioned to PT and DH does his fair share in most areas.  I do almost all of the cooking because that's what works in our schedules but he shares in the parenting 50% (when he is home).

bluejetta

I work three full days and am home two with my daughter. My husband works full-time. We both parent.  We do divide up the household stuff -- he cooks I do most of the cleaning. Due to his work he misses more bedtimes and occasionally weekend stuff but he then spends more time alone with DD on weekends so on the whole I think she's getting good time with each of us and with us together. 

chardonnay24

I SAH. I am responsible for taking care of the kiddo 100% when I'm home. We split it 50/50 when H is home. We also split chores. I do end up doing more (particularly errands) because I am home more, but when he is home, we are equal. For every hour he puts in at work, I'm putting in an hour at home, so it's only fair.

We also have a very high needs, demanding child. It may be different if we had an easier child.

twirlyjack73

Mine wants to help with the kids, not quite so much with the chores unless I ask him & then he doesn't complain.  If yours is so traditional that he thinks it's your responsibility then he should allow you to be a SAHM full time (b/c he's being a hypocrite by not) even if it means he'd take on a 2nd job-afterall it wouldn't be a loss it's not like he's helping your or being involved with the kids.  I'd tell him that.  Maybe he needs a mirror held up & he'll feel more manly about himself by being the sole bread winner. 

AimeeL85

I SAH, and when DH is home he and I are parenting 50/50.  We never had to discuss it, it's just always been that way and really, it just makes sense.

I hear people debate all the time on splitting household chores etc., but parenting? That's so odd that he thinks you should do it all when he's home. I'm not being judgmental of you, I think you're justified in wanting and needing his participation. Especially when you still work part-time - 30 hours a week is still a lot of hours for part-time.

dkbop1818

Angela814 said:

He doesn't "help", he parents with me. I work part time - about 20 hours/week now. DH does bath time most nights. He cooks dinner at least 50% of the time, if not more. He puts the older two girls to bed; I put the baby to bed. We both load and unload the dishwasher. We both clean. The only thing I'm solely in charge of is my and the kids laundry, but I don't want his help with that. Oh, and DH does all of the yard work. I think we're pretty evenly split.

This, almost exactly.  I am also part-time, and I do try to get laundry, cleaning, etc done on the days I am off so when DH gets home, we can just spend time as a family without worrying about that stuff.  We try to approach everything as a team.

dairygirl19

I work part-time. H works like 80 hours a week minimum but he does help me out whenever he's around. He'll at the very least play with the kid/take her out so I can catch up on chores in peace or just relax.

So in short, he's about as helpful as he can be considering the work situation.

I also do things to help myself catch a break. Like every other week on Wed. I get out of work at noon but leave LO at DC so I can do something/catch up on stuff.

grlmom16

 

Jarangela

My hubby is amazing! If our 2 yr old wakes before he leaves for work, he turns on his light and tells him to play with his toys quietly. When he comes home from work he usually takes our 6 week old and 2 year old into their room and plays with them so I can have some time to myself. He also holds our baby as soon as he gets home, and will help put her down in the middle of the night if she's taking an unusually long time to sleep. I appreciate him so much!

changingnames

I am a SAHM and my two boys go to preschool 5 days a week (they are 2 1/2 and 5). I can pick them up anytime between 1 and 5.30 (anything after one they bill by the hour- it's pretty neat, I usually get them around 2.15-3.30). I do all of the school drop off and pick ups (its 15-30 mins away) and handle all the teacher meetings, packing lunches, playdate making, etc and because one of our kids is an the autism spectrum I have to be very involved. I have some serious medical issues that cause me to be very tired and have to go to the dr a lot so that plus all the therapies for our son take a lot of time and effort on my part and I really pull the load on that (though if I tell him a meeting is really important he will of course be there). Everything else - if he is home he is helping. He cooks real dinners (meat, veggies, and rice or whatever) he does laundry and folds (while he watches sports). sometimes he leaves his nasty kitchen mess there for days but usually if i keep the kids out of his hair he will clean up the mess. On weekends he takes the boys to the zoo while i stay in bed (or sometimes he goes surfing but takes them when he gets home). Some weeknights he is tired enough that he doesn't do housework but overall he pulls his weight. He loves our boys and wants to spend time with them so that part goes without saying. He gets home late with his new job and I have usually already fed, bathed, pj, etc the boys so he just swoops in for books and snuggles with the little one and then does Legos with our big boy or whatever. He used to get home at 5 and would make dinner almost every night. Parenting is a 24 hour gig so why would he be off duty while I am still on? I do take care of 98% of middle of the night parenting. But I'm a night person and he is a morning person. Dh works full time, commutes three hours a day and until recently was getting his law degree at night.