Meds donation to a friend. I'm feeling like a jerk. — The Bump
Infertility Veterans

Meds donation to a friend. I'm feeling like a jerk.

I just really need honest (maybe hard to hear) advice.

The backstory: After reading the box of my meds from my failed IVF cycle which said May of 2014, I knew DH and I wouldn't be ready to cycle by then. I had a 900 Follistim pen and an ovridrel trigger shot. So, I offered to donate them to a friend who is at the very start of her iui journey. She is still doing Femara for goodness sakes. But, the kindness bug bit me and I wanted to help her in case she needed the meds. Nice, right?

Well, DH and I were opening them and getting them all packed and in the cooler so we could send them in the morning and happened to look at the expiration date on the actual meds themselves...September of 2015. Crap. HUGE CRAP! We would definitely use these by then and we're talking over $1000 in meds. DH is totally against sending them and I really think he'd be really ticked if we did donate them since we could still use them. But I feel HORRIBLE since I have been setting up this donation to her for a few weeks.

So, I guess my question is, what would you do? Deep down, I want to keep them, but I will feel absolutely horrible telling her. She was so freaking excited to get them. DH has the philosophy that we had to buy them ourselves and she can, too. He's a little more heartless than I am!

Let it fly. I know the right thing to do, but I'm hoping someone out there can make me feel better and tell me to do what I really want to do, which is keep them for our next cycle. I mean, that was the original plan for them anyway. Had I noticed the actual exp date and not the random date on the box, this would never have been an issue in the first place. I feel like such a flipping idiot. What the heck do I say to her??? I'm leaning toward honesty being the best policy on this one.

BabyFruit Ticker

 ttc #2 since 2004 Me (35): Stage 3 Endo, DH (34): High DNA Frag

IVF/ICSI #2: April 2014: BFP!!!!!!

ET of 2 great quality embryos. + BFP on 9dp5dt. Beta #1 (10dp5dt): 257, Beta #2 (14dp5dt): 1561,

Beta #3 (21dp5d5): 8,172. Wow. It seems this is actually working. Shocked beyond belief.

1st u/s @6w5d: Baby A hb 124, Baby B hb 127 (Both measuring perfectly!)

Lost baby A. Praying that baby B stays healthy. Baby B hb 175 at 11 weeks

It's a GIRL!!!

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Re: Meds donation to a friend. I'm feeling like a jerk.

  • I would tell her you made a mistake and that you will be able to use them. I hope she would understand the mix up

    TTC#1 since April 2011
    IVF#1 July 2012 5R, 3 made it to blast, sET c/p
    FET#1 Aug 2012 2 blasts transferred BFN
    IVF#2 Oct 2012
    16R/6M/6F/2-8 cell grade 1 transfer
    Beta 1-237.9, Beta 2-566, Beta 3-8657
    US 6w3d shows one baby w/ HB 115
    US 7w1d no more heartbeat/ D&C 11/30/12 normal karyotype
    IVF#3 Mar 2013
    6R/4M/4F 1 compacting and 2-8 cell transfer
    ectopic pg MTX given 3 month break from TTC

    IVF#4 Sept 2013--BFN
    IVF#5-7 Apr 2014, Jun 2014 and Aug 2014 banking embryos for CCS testing. Praying for normals! Image and video hosting by TinyPic image image

    http://i61.tinypic.com/34zll06
  • Lurker here, I would be honest with her and tell her you made a mistake and you can still use them. If you are worried that it might impact your friendship, you could always tell her that you and DH are uncomfortable sending them since it is technically illegal.

    We had several pens left over and the only way to legally donate them was to the clinic/doctors who were doing our IVF. 
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    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Unless you are in the position to be a benefactor, you have every right to be up front with her and retract your offer. It is unfortunate, but this is an expensive commodity. Tell her right away so she has time to make other arrangements. If she is a member of these boards, suggest to her that she apply to our OOP meds director. I'm sorry you have to go through this, particularly since you were being so kind!

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins
    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1
    : 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:
    NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN

    IVF #4: (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***
    Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

  • Be honest and don't feel that bad she is at the beg of her journey and you are not financially you have more invested she hopefully will get that and its the thought that counts.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • No doubt about it, I'd keep them. You don't even know if she will use them or not. I wouldn't feel bad in the least. Tell her you screwed up and got the expiration incorrect but you would love to be there for her in the future if she needs anything. Keep them!!
    Me: 37, DH: 38: ttc 7 years, dx: unknown
    10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
    11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
    12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
    6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
    IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
    IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
    IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
    IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
    10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
    Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
    Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.
  • I don't normally respond to many posts (am generally just a lurker) but felt compelled to respond to this because a similar situation happened to me on my first IVF attempt back in March.  A good friend said she had some extra follistim and menopur that she would not be able to use before the expiration and that was exactly what I was on for my first IVF cycle so she said I could have them. I of course was estatic that we'd be saving so much money.  A few days later she realized the expiration was a year later than she initially thought and said they would be trying IVF again before them so she was going to use them herself.  Was I disappointed? Sure. But did I COMPLETELY understand? ABSOLUTELY!!  It is a blessing if you are able to get a discount or free meds, but certainly this should not be an expectation. I think if you're honest with her and she's a good friend, she will completely understand!
    AJC&MaggieKm672zazu13
  • I agree with PP, there is so much at stake with IF and $$, that if you made a mistake and need to keep it, do so. By being honest, she should understand! GL!

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014! 
     
     
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • Be honest and just explain it.
    Me:35,  DH: 39   
    TTC since March 2011. All bloodword, SA & HSG are normal.  
    8/12: Clomid & TI - BFN 
    10/12: Colmid & TI - BFN 
    3/13:  Clomid, Trigger & IUI - BFN 
    4/13: Gonal F, Trigger & IUI: BFN  
    6/13: IVF #1 (1AA blast & 1BB blast) = BFN 
    8/13: FET #1= BFN
    10/13: FET #2= BFP!!!

    BabyFruit Ticker  image
  • Ladies, after my horrible crappy day today (failed adoption placement, DH's boss being a craptastic idiot. My blog has more detail!) I am so happy to read these.

     

    @DanaLynn18 It helps so much to hear it from the other side. It really does. I just left her a message explaining this and I'm waiting to hear back from her. I hope she responds like you did!

    I'm not sure what the date on the box means vs the exp on the actual meds. I wonder if it was how long I have to refill? Could be. With all of the stupid things that I've been doing the last few weeks, I wouldn't be shocked! Plus, like you all said, she may never even use them. Hopefully, she will never need to go through all of this!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

    BabyFruit Ticker

     ttc #2 since 2004 Me (35): Stage 3 Endo, DH (34): High DNA Frag

    IVF/ICSI #2: April 2014: BFP!!!!!!

    ET of 2 great quality embryos. + BFP on 9dp5dt. Beta #1 (10dp5dt): 257, Beta #2 (14dp5dt): 1561,

    Beta #3 (21dp5d5): 8,172. Wow. It seems this is actually working. Shocked beyond belief.

    1st u/s @6w5d: Baby A hb 124, Baby B hb 127 (Both measuring perfectly!)

    Lost baby A. Praying that baby B stays healthy. Baby B hb 175 at 11 weeks

    It's a GIRL!!!

    imageimageimage

     

     

    My Blog

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