1st Trimester

Going to be single mother

I am 9 1/2 weeks today and as excited as I should be I can't help but feel a shit ton of anxiety. The father of my baby and I are no longer together because he was physically abusive and I left him before I knew I was pregnant now I feel obligated to tell him but at the same time I don't think it's safe to because if he did this to me how do I trust he won't eventually do it to my child. Since then I've discovered he has a a new gf who is also pregnant. (Reality show shit or what) I didn't plan this pregnancy but I can't sit and say it was a mistake. I had a miscarraige with my ex back in jan and it was the most terrible pain ive ever had and now that in pregnant again I just feel so happy that I get another chance. But then I start realizing I'm alone and I probably will be for awhile and even though I'm going to eventually tell him I'm pregnant I get scared that he will shun my and my baby and just go on the raise that other woman's and be a "family" like I had originally planed. How will I juggle work? Pay for everything on my own I have support from my family but as far as living situations or help financially / babysitting etc it's just not there. Sorry to bring down the mood but I'm just really Lost and I want to be happy/strong for my baby but it's just really hard sometimes

Re: Going to be single mother

  • First, I'm glad you realized you were in a bad relationship and got out before something really bad happened.  My mom was with an emotionally abusive man and got pregnant with me, they married and he became physically abusive as well.  She was pushed down the stairs at 5 months pregnant (she and I are fine).  It wasn't until I was 3 months old that she got the courage to leave and divorce him.  Long court battles later (he tried to get custody of me, only to hurt my mom, he never cared for me).  My mom had to drop child support requests for him to drop the fight for custody (she didn't have the money to pay her lawyer).  All that to say it's good you got out now and to know exactly what you want from your ex before you tell him anything.  My mom made it with help from family and using all the programs she had available to her.  There are lots of programs to help single mothers with food, daycare, and depending on the state rent and bills also.  Good luck!
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  • I applaud what the other ladies have said. They have covered pretty much everything.

    No one deserves to be abused. No one deserves to be caused pain. Physical or emotional. 

    You deserve much better then he ever could give you. I am glad you broke free from him. I am very proud of your strength.

    I would be very wary about wanting him involved in the life of your child in anything other then financial for a long while. If he had no problem hurting you, I doubt he would have any problem about hurting a child. 




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  • um he starting sleeping around pretty quickly if you're 9 weeks and he has a girlfriend that already knows she's pregnant too....I call MUD on this

  • snuff9861 said:

    While I applaud you for leaving your bad relationship, I can't help at side eye some things. First off, why are you not using birth control in the first place? Second, you need to start planning financially NOW. It's not fair to bring a child into the world who isn't going to be provided for. If that means getting a second job while you are still able so be it. Maybe you need to consider getting a roommate or moving, depending on your current situation.

     

    Sorry that you're having to go through all of this :(

    Pretty sure the bold is none of your business. How do you know that she didn't? OP said it was an unplanned pregnancy. Knock it off.

    Anyway, OP, good for you for leaving the shitbag. Once an abuser, always an abuser. He won't change, and it'll probably escalate. He probably isn't treating his new pregnant gf like a princess, either, so I don't think they're going to have the picture-perfect family like you might imagine. I'd be very wary of having the guy in my life or involved with the child in any way. PP have excellent advice in regards to seeking child support and assistance if you need it. GL!
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  • snuff9861 said:

    While I applaud you for leaving your bad relationship, I can't help at side eye some things. First off, why are you not using birth control in the first place? Second, you need to start planning financially NOW. It's not fair to bring a child into the world who isn't going to be provided for. If that means getting a second job while you are still able so be it. Maybe you need to consider getting a roommate or moving, depending on your current situation.

     

    Sorry that you're having to go through all of this :(

    ditto all of this, but I totally think this post is MUD
  • amccul20 said:

    um he starting sleeping around pretty quickly if you're 9 weeks and he has a girlfriend that already knows she's pregnant too....I call MUD on this

    I have to say that bit did make me wonder. She hasn't come back yet either. I don't know.

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    09/23/11 - Married DH

    04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks

    05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d

    08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d

    09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!  

    10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!

    12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!

    05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!

  • um he starting sleeping around pretty quickly if you're 9 weeks and he has a girlfriend that already knows she's pregnant too....I call MUD on this

    I have to say that bit did make me wonder. She hasn't come back yet either. I don't know.
    dude this post is all bs. just something to get us talking
  • I appreciate everyone's comments and input anything helps and it helps just to be able to share . However I am new to this and some of the abbreviations like MUD are confusing to me.
  • Ammcul20 excuse me but who the eff are you you don't know squat none of what I said is untrue and this post was for advice so if you have none butt the hell out. You know nothing about my life or what's happening in it. I was with him two years we separated for about a month and that's when he slept with that other woman we got back together domestic violence happened I left later found out he got back with her and shewas already pregnant and then me . Not that it's any of your fu***ing business
  • And as far as me not replying right away I have a full time job I don't just sit on this message board all day picking my butt and picking on people trying to tell them that what they say is bs get a life woman
  • Ammcul20 excuse me but who the eff are you you don't know squat none of what I said is untrue and this post was for advice so if you have none butt the hell out. You know nothing about my life or what's happening in it. I was with him two years we separated for about a month and that's when he slept with that other woman we got back together domestic violence happened I left later found out he got back with her and shewas already pregnant and then me . Not that it's any of your fu***ing business

    You put your dirty laundry out on here and people will speculate.

    MUD = made up drama

    We see a lot of it on here, so when you post something that sounds like a Jerry Springer out take, don't be surprised if a few people take it with a pinch of salt.

    Oh and chill out hun. No need to get so aggressive.

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    09/23/11 - Married DH

    04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks

    05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d

    08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d

    09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!  

    10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!

    12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!

    05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!

  • MUD is made up drama and thats what this sounds like to me.  your response didn't make me think any differently either.

    and like @awc1986 said, you put it out there for people to judge....

  • also by looking at your profile I can see that you haven't posted before this, which also makes me think this is fake drama.
  • I just joined this like two weeks ago I have a life and a full time job I just come on here to get advice. It may soud crazy to you but it is true I wouldn't write it if it wasnt. So either believe it or not I don't care anymore maybe you should focus on you instead on sitting behind your computer cyber bullying people
  • I honestly don't really care about it. I just don't want people feeling sorry and taken advantage of by someone who is lying.

    also, your profile indicates you joined this website in December of 2012

  • Did you read anything I said I joined and then never used it because I had a miscarraige in jan. and then started using it agin recently when I found out I was pregnant again Get a life obviously you have to much time on your hands . I WOULD never lie to make someone feel sorry for me. Eff you
  • awc1986awc1986 member
    edited October 2013
    Wow. You have to be, hands down the most immature person who has ever posted on TB. You sound like a 16 year old brat.

    And you clearly have no idea what cyber bullying is if you think this is it. You're talking about being physically abused by your baby's father, yet a stranger disagreeing with you on the Internet seems to have you more upset? What?!

    BTW - well done for having a full time job. So have many people on here - including me.

    image

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    09/23/11 - Married DH

    04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks

    05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d

    08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d

    09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!  

    10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!

    12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!

    05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!

  • amccul20amccul20 member
    edited October 2013
    amccul20 said:

    I honestly don't really care about it. I just don't want people feeling sorry and taken advantage of by someone who is lying.

    also, your profile indicates you joined this website in December of 2012

    I'm fairly certain that mentioning when you joined TB and that I wasn't sure you were being honest isn't abuse.

  • amccul20 said:

    um he starting sleeping around pretty quickly if you're 9 weeks and he has a girlfriend that already knows she's pregnant too....I call MUD on this


    Not to be a white knight but I find it laughable that you think a POS abuser was actually faithful.  You don't think there are tons and tons of losers out there who sleep with multiple women?  I promise you that they are a dime a dozen.

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  • My advice is to not tell him.  You will be stuck with a person like that in your life for the rest of your life.  You are better off alone.  Just make sure you don't fall into a pattern where your next boyfriend is an abuser. 

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    My Gang.  Halloween 2013

  • jennish11 said:

    You guys need to cut it out. 
    You sound like a bunch of spoiled teenagers who know nothing about what goes on outside of their little bubble.

    She obviously under a lot of stress already geing pregnant and then comes on a board she thought would be helpful and supportive and a bunch of you are just judging her.

    I don't think this is MUD at all.
    You ladies think just because you were never in an abusive relationship, that makes you better?

    And, yes, OP, good job on freaking out - they deserve a little freak out.

    You guys do have a right to disagree, but that's NOT what you are doing.  You are calling her a liar and judging her.

    I just said I thought this wasn't a real post. OP is the one that freaked out here and in a private message to me. I truly don't care. It's her life, and she put it out there on a public forum for people to talk about.
  • I have to say that I still honestly think this is MUD. We have been given no further details on the situation that would confirm it and when pushed, OP freaks out and tells us to mind our business? It just stinks of MUD. Why would you air your dirty laundry on the internet, then refuse to give further information that could help get you better advice? She seemed very open in the first post, then all of a sudden she becomes aggressive and cagey?

    I have the utmost sympathy and respect for people who are abused. I just don't trust OP.

     

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    09/23/11 - Married DH

    04/01/13 - BFP at 4wks

    05/30/13 - MMC - BO @ 12wks 5d

    08/29/13 - BFP @ 4wks 4d

    09/17/13 - 7wks 2d - Normal HB Detected! Baby measuring perfect for dates and positioning!  

    10/23/13 - 12wks 3d - Perfect NT scan! HB 167 & baby wriggling, waving & yawning!

    12/17/13 - 20wks 2 d - We're having a beautiful baby girl! Go Team Pink!

    05/03/14 - Bobbie Gloria was born at 39+6 weighing 6lb 14oz!

  • Agree with the MUD assessment. OP was way to quick to flip out.

    Also @Igibbs0724 : the flag button is not a dislike button. Someone questioning the validity of your story does not make a violation of TOS.



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