AW: Mother Vent!!!

Tink1704

My mother has always made things about her to gain sympathy or attention. When I had my MC last Dec she posted on FB that "she didnt know how she could go on living knowing that her grandbaby was in heaven" and for people to pray for her. I had already told her that I wanted to keep this personal and that when I was ready I would discuss it with who I thought would be understanding. Nope. So that was the straw that broke the camels back. I broke off all ties to her until Friday.

My best friend has been trying to get me to talk and clear things up. So I invited her out with me to go shopping. All was good and then on Sunday I invited her to a movie since my hubby left for training. When I went to drop her off she asked me if she could be in the delivery room. I told her that I had decided to just have my OB and Doula because I wanted to avoid any extra stress. (she is inconsiderate and makes comments when its not what she wants and stress me out).

Then she asked how often she was going to be able to watch our little girl. I told her that DH and I had decided that we didnt feel comfortable with her watching her alone due to her medical issues. (3 strokes, bad thyroid and diabetic-but drinks Pepsi like its going to run out!) Not to mention that she constantly asks my family to come "help" her because shes too weak and cant lift 5 pounds for more than 20 sec. Well she flipped and said that it wasent true and that im keeping her grand child from her.

I had to leave at that point. I was furious! I had told her she could come over and spend time with her at our home with one of us present. (shes a hoarder and doesnt clean up after her cat and dog-filthy home!!!)  Nope thats not even it! She called half my family to tell them I wont let her see our little girl, and was then criticized for my decision. What do I do?!?!? I have legit reasons why I have made these decisions and its with LO health and safety in mind. I feel I need to just cut the ties completely and have zero contact because she makes me so angry!

Sorry for the long rant. Getting off work and having 4 mean voicemails about my decisions sent me over the edge! Enjoy some fall goodies!

MommaAshley12

Sorry you are dealing with this! Big ((hugs)).

Pixiesmom73

((hugs)) So sorry that you have to deal with this. I would just give it some time to sink in for your Mom and see if she starts to deal with coming to your house. Hope things get better.

Pmmama

Oh the joys of family! I can totally sympathize with you- she sounds like she's well-meaning but a pain in the a$$ like my mom. I say life is short- try to keep the peace. I can see why she'd be offended but understand your reasons too. Good luck!

SandSunBliss

So frustrating. We are oing through something similar with mil. She doesn't get around well and smokes like a chimney bu thinks we will let her keep our baby... At the end of the day we are our childrens protectors and guardians. Their health and safety take priority over hurt feelings. ((Hugs))

dogsombrero

It's family fun posting day today If you don't feel safe having your mom around LO alone or in her home you have to do what you feel is best. Unfortunately this is going to be one of many tough choices you have to makers a parent. You don't have to 100% sort anything out until LO is born so take your time to think on it.

Tink1704

Im glad that someone can relate to me even if I don't wish this irritation on anyone! I was so irritated that I called my father (they are divorced) and talked to him. He told me that God has intrusted us with our children's lives and its our responsibility to protect them. He even told me he is going to call and have a chat with her because of the stress she is causing me at a really hard time. With DH leaving in a few weeks for deployment I am already stressed enough that I now have a twitch in my left eye!

MeganWorden

Oh I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I totally agree with your dad. In the end you need to do what is best for you and your LO. ((Big Hugs)) 

TheatreStar86

I am so sorry about this! You're doing the right thing by protecting your LO first. 

mightymousy

*HUGS* brutal :S

Shobb414

Sounds so stressful, maybe after time she will realize that you are right. Maybe the next time she asks for help she will realize she couldn't watch a baby.

jhs121

sjelwood said:

SandSunBliss said:

At the end of the day we are our childrens protectors and guardians. Their health and safety take priority over hurt feelings. ((Hugs))

This.  You need to do what you feel is best for your little one.  She's lashing out, calling your relatives because she's hurt, but I hope she will come around and enjoy time with her granddaughter at your house.

This!  Hang in there.  {{{hugs}}}

samjen2010

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Mmmmm... pumpkin roll.

mtaylor404

Goodness. That sounds horrible.  I agree with several of the pp.  You are a mama now and make the decisions for your baby.  She should respect that, but doesn't.  Stand strong with your decisions because they sound like totally rationale and well-reasoned ones.  

I also agree with the pp about keeping the peace.  Sounds like you have already been doing that by reaching out to her after she hurt your feelings.  Maybe just reach out to her and keep being the bigger person.

Serenla

(((((Hugs))))) I'm so so sorry.

MickeyM04

Holy crap what a nightmare.  I am pretty feisty and unforgiving so this is what I would do if it were me:  "Mom, here are my reasons for feeling uncomfortable with you watching LO alone (then you mention the strokes, the fact that she needs assistance lifting things, calling people for help--give lots of examples so she knows you're not just "overgeneralizing" or "being dramatic").   You have two options.  You can respect my decision as a mother to this child to do what is best for my child and you can see LO with another individual present on a weekly basis (or whatever time you feel comfortable with--less, more, etc.).  Or, you can not respect my decision and then you will not see LO or be a part of LO's life.  It is totally 100% up to you."

As for everyone else judging or taking your mom's side, F them.  Whoever would believe your mom or take her side over yours is clearly F'ed in the head and I wouldn't worry about it. 

Tink1704

Thanks ladies! I think I really needed to hear from others that I wasent out of line reacting the way I am.

jgreig83

You are not overreacting at all. I can't imagine going through all of what you have been through with your mum. I am so sorry that she is taking that kind of attitude with it and not seeing things from your perspective. I will be just as protective over my LO when it comes out and have family that I don't want him/her to be alone with for reasons as well. You are only doing the best thing for your LO. I hope in time she can see that too.

casandkls

I can totally sympathize and apologize you are going through this.
The people who truly know your mom will understand your reasoning and likely be rolling their eyes at your mother's FB post thinking, "good for Tink"...
Your mom sounds like she's maladjusted, selfish and likes drama. I'd remove myself from her incendiary comments, you have other priorities now. I know it's easier said than done but, you have to not give in to her requests, it may not even be worth rationalizing to your mother. She can either accept your choices or not...
I had a very similar situation that forced me to cut ties to my mother (even before I found out I was pregnant--the 1st time or this time), and now, she has coerced her family members to badger me to get me to be on speaking terms with her (even though my mother is in the wrong, I'm supposed to be the one to permit her unbalanced behavior). It's been tough.
T&P for you and your LO.

springbeduk2

So sorry that you are going through all that stress (along with what you had going on anyway!), and that some other relatives apparently don't understand your mother's, um, let's say "peculiarities" and let themselves get manipulated into her drama and into being rude to you.  

PPs and your dad have expressed so well how valid and important it is for you to make decisions you know are right to protect your baby's well-being.  As for cutting ties or reaching out from time to time to keep the peace - every family and person is different.  If you feel there's a chance that you may later regret missed opportunities to spend time with your mother despite her not so lovable qualities, or regret not seeing her in the grandmother role with your baby, then inviting her (not too often) for well-structured visits, ideally with a Plan B in place (someone who can just happen to arrive (on call) to take either you or your mother somewhere very important) if things aren't going well, might be a good idea, especially if you can do them at times when you'll have more of a support system around (DH home, or plans with a good friend the next day, or whatever is your best relief).  But if you really have reached the point where you are comfortable cutting off ties due to her hurtful behavior and also are comfortable putting up with or ignoring relatives who take her side, and know you will not regret it later, then cutting ties is a totally legitimate choice for you to make.  You have to keep yourself and your own new family healthy!  

hugs and best wishes.