July 2013 Moms

Leaving baby with family

JessieH8686JessieH8686 member
edited October 2013 in July 2013 Moms
I haven't left P with anyone besides my H yet. He's 11 weeks and to be honest the thought of it gives me so much anxiety. I can't do it. My inlaws have asked/offered many times no to keep him while i go get my nails done, or while dh and I go on date night but I keep saying no. DH wants to go to church and put LO in the nursery there while we are in service and I thought I was going to have a panic attack just thinking about it. I know eventually there will come a time when I need to leave him with someone else..but I'm so not ready now & feel like I'm being pressured to do it

Re: Leaving baby with family

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    I am a sahm. I wish mil would stop asking me and let me do it when I'm ready.
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    I know how you feel. I go back to work next weds and I am already dreaming out. I have decided to have my watch her the first three days to ease into leaving her. I would just ask you mil to let you do t on your terms and tell her that you will let her know when you are ready. She, as a mother, has to respect that.
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    Take your time. The first time you leave your LO is going to be tough, but if you're not ready yet, there's no need to rush things. But make sure you're doing something special for your H every once in awhile, too.

    You may feel better about leaving LO with your IL's if you take baby steps. Start by having them watch LO while you are at home but in the other room. When you are comfortable with that, leave the house to do a quick errand. Just gradually add time on until you are comfortable being away from LO for a few hours.

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    I have felt the same way. A good way to help with anxiety is to have her some over when you are there and have her take care of the baby. That way you can see how she does it and offer pointers as to what your LO likes and does not.

    When my mother first came over to help I was super nervous, but she just took care and knew exactly what to do. MIL not so much so I was really worried with her and how she would do things. I just took the plunge and brought DD to her house for babysitting and DD loves it and so does MIL.

    It does get easier to leave them when they get bigger.
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    I went back to work at 6 weeks, so I'm another one whose advice may not help you. I read somewhere that it's important to nurture attachments to multiple adult figures, not just parents. I can't remember the exact reason right now but I think it had something to do with emotional security as a child? 

    But I agree with others- start slow. Let them watch him while you run to the grocery store. Leave your DH there with them so that he can help them with what your LO needs, likes, etc. Then work your way up to both of you leaving him alone with your ILs. The hardest part is thinking about leaving them- once you do it and he's completely fine, it'll get easier. 

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    I think it is easier leaving them with the family member you trust the most first. For me, that was my mom (and my dad). I have had to leave ds multiple times. As others have said, it gets easier, but I think it would get harder and harder if you wait awhile. Try just going out for a half hour or hour. Eventually there will be a time when you have to leave baby with someone else, and both you and your baby will be used to it.
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    I haven't left my LO for more than an hour, I understand your anxiety. I think Meimsx did give good advice, though.
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    The first time leaving my DD was the hardest. Every time after that, has been much easier.

    I should add I only leave her with my parents. I can't stand MIL, so she is not allowed to watch Ev by herself.

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    ...it's going to freaking break your heart when your child is screaming don't go mama.
    Yeah, this made me cry a little. :((
    Right?! So try to minimize that as much as possible. If they enjoy spending time with others and know you're going to come back then it doesn't happen often. In fact it rarely happens ever anymore and sometimes she doesn't even say goodbye to me. That actually hurts too.

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    Though I've left DD with family pretty much since birth (at first only for an hour here or there to get groceries/run errands), I still feel anxious from time to time about it.. but as PP said, I feel like it is better for both DD and myself to learn to trust my mom, MIL, dad, grandma, etc.

    Are you worried her safety?  I made sure to educate my family and talk to them about the things that are important to me (safe sleeping space, mostly).  Maybe that would help you to feel better about leaving her.. Also, as PP said, maybe starting with a trip to the store or to get nails done or whatever would be a good way to start.

    In the end it's your baby and if you don't feel comfortable leaving her with anyone yet it's totally your decision..  I don't know your exact situation but I will say that chances are eventually you'll want a little time to yourself.. and I can see where having spent every minute of every day with your child could lead to some pretty intense separation anxiety (for both of you!) at one point or another.
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    Ty is 12 weeks and I have never left him, not even with DH. When I mentioned this in another post about a month ago I pretty much got flamed and told that was unhealthy....?
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    I'm not saying I never will, I'm just not ready yet. I'm afraid if I let mil have LO for a few hours she will always want to do it. When we see DH family LO gets ripped from my arms as soon as we walk in th door. We are taking a trip to visit my mom and dad next week maybe I will try leaving him with them first..since they are the people I trust the most.
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