July 2013 Moms
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WWJ13 do?

My coworker is 36 weeks pregnant. I just had dinner with her the other night and she told me that her husband doesn't want her to breastfeed because "it will be such a pain in the ass to have a little thing hanging off your tit all day." I told her it's so much easier to breastfeed once you get the hang of it (at least for me), it's really good for the baby & bonding, and there's no sterilizing and buying formula. I didn't want to make her feel bad in case she is unable to breastfeed and didn't want to come off as sanctimonious, but I'm worried she's not going to have any support. I told her to ask her sister for help and she said her sister's kids didn't like her milk so she didn't breastfeed.

My other coworker was there too (she doesn't have kids) and afterwards she told me to send her some info about the benefits of breastfeeding. My husband also told me to do the same. I don't know. Should I just stay out of it? She hasn't done any research or taken any classes or anything (I think it's a cultural thing) so I'm afraid she's not even going to try. What does everyone think?

Also, definitely not trying to bash formula feeding. Feeding the baby is the #1 priority here. Don't want to offend anyone at all.

Re: WWJ13 do?

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    I wouldn't send her any information, unless you find out that she wants to BF for sure - then she'll need support. Aside from that, I feel like info on the benefits of bF would just make her feel bad.
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    I'm an EBFer here and would suggest just sending her a message or just tell her in passing if she had questions or needed advice or info let you know and leave it at that. I don't think you should send her info unless she asks.
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    I'd stay out of it. If she asks for advice or help then get involved. It's really none of your business. But you are really kind to want to offer support.
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    That's a tough one. I might tell her in passing that I have some references on the benefits of BFing. IF she would like to see them, then I would send them to her.

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    MRads said:
    I wouldn't send her any information, unless you find out that she wants to BF for sure - then she'll need support. Aside from that, I feel like info on the benefits of bF would just make her feel bad.

    ITA.  I think it's really sweet of you to be thinking of your friend though.
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    Personally I would stay out of it too, she knows you are breast feeding so could adk for support and, honestly, breast feeding is so in every pregnant woman's face that I'm sure in this day and age she can find information if she chooses. I would just be supportive of whatever she decides......

    Karen - 36      DH - 39

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    I'm with Pink. I'm upset for her husband for the crass comment. Seriously?

    I like somerandomchick's message suggestion. Let her know that you are available for support if she wants it.

    Kudos to you for being so thoughtful and caring. I've always "known" that pregnancy and having a newborn was hard, but honestly, I had no clue how hard it was until going through it myself. I will be making sure to spread the TLC to any pregnant friends going forward.
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    Since it sounds like its her husband that doesn't want to BF, I'd reach out to her in a no-pressure way.

    "Hey, I had fun at dinner with you the other night! To follow up on our conversation last night, if you're interested in breastfeeding I read this super helpful book called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding--if you want to borrow it let me know, or if you ever want to talk more about it I'm always here. Hope your delivery is quick & easy, see you again soon, etc'

    Since it sounds like she doesn't have family support to BF, it may help to know that if she's interested in it you can offer support & encouragement.

    I agree with a quick message like this.

     

     

     

     

     

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    Kitten80 said:
    Since it sounds like its her husband that doesn't want to BF, I'd reach out to her in a no-pressure way. "Hey, I had fun at dinner with you the other night! To follow up on our conversation last night, if you're interested in breastfeeding I read this super helpful book called The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding--if you want to borrow it let me know, or if you ever want to talk more about it I'm always here. Hope your delivery is quick & easy, see you again soon, etc' Since it sounds like she doesn't have family support to BF, it may help to know that if she's interested in it you can offer support & encouragement.
    I agree with a quick message like this.
    Same here.
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    Yeesh. DH has no say in my choice to BF or not. My boobs, my call. Her husband needs a slap from reality. 
    I'm not sure if I would get involved or not. I know my friends and would be able to tell if they really wanted to BF and their H was discouraging them, or if they weren't thrilled about BF and wanted to FF. So I would trust your gut on it. 
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    Thanks, everyone. Her husband is an idiot. He says stuff like that all the time. I have no idea how this whole having a newborn thing is going to go for them. I hope it's ok. I can see him being a cry it out fan. Also, when my baby was about 2 months old I told her
    he would only sleep in his sling for naps and she said it was because I created a bad habit for him....
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    I would email her some links about breastfeeding, and then leave it up to her.  Be supportive if she asks questions or wants more information.  Ultimately, it's her choice, but it's not really a choice is you don't research both sides of an issue, so you're just allowing her to make an educated choice by sending her some info.

     

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    giraffeluvspigiraffeluvspi member
    edited October 2013
    I like the idea of offering some support, but avoid sending her any "benefits of BFing" info. Offering support doesn't make you sound all judgy wudgy.

    ETA: Forgot to mention her husband is a dick.
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