Lost baby 21 weeks... How long?

Number2forus

I found out Friday my baby girl had fetal hydrops. I have birth to my sleeping girl yesterday. I am heartbroken. I have a question, the dr said i had to wait 6 months to try again, I delivered her vaginally with no complications and 6 months seems like a long time. How long have your drs told you to wait after a 20+ week loss? Thanks

bunnybun4

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

You are going to find a range of answers to your question...I was also told to wait 6 months after my loss at 19 weeks.  Later on at a follow-up appointment my OB changed it to 4 months.  You are going to get a range of answers from the ladies here but the best advice I can give you is to listen to your dr.  Everyone's situation and body is so different and your OB knows yours.  If you are wondering the reasoning then I woud encourage you to schedule a followup in a few months and ask for the reasoning then (or put in a phone call now to ask).  I know it is hard...I thought 6 months seemed like so far away in those first few crazy weeks after my loss.

angelsnight

Ticker warning

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl.  I hope you find comfort here, feel free to post as little or as much as you need.  I gave birth at 22 weeks, vaginal birth, no complications.  I was told to wait the six weeks for physical reasons, but she suggested six months to a year for emotional. 

I would have your doctor clarify, he may mean six months so you can heal some emotionally.  I understand why doctors recommend that time, but for us it just did not work.  It was our second loss and we had had troubles conceiving both her and our first pregnancy.  MH and I are approaching advanced maternal age, and I had no idea how long it would take to get pregnant again.  In a perfect world, six months to grieve may have been helpful, but the idea of waiting that long caused me more stress and anxiety.  We started trying as soon as the six weeks was up, and we conceived on our second month trying. 

Good luck to you....aside from physical reasons, only you and your SO can decide when you are ready.  Big hugs!

Number2forus

Thanks so much for the responses. I feel the same, I am 30 husband is 36 and we also have a 19 month old son. We are getting up there in terms o maternal/paternal age and we really want our son to have a sibling close in age. So I feel for us it is better to start sooner than later.

Doublegreen

 I had an emergency C section when I delivered my angel. Hopefully, on wednesday, my doctor will tell us how soon we may start again. I'm prepared to hear 6 to 9 months, but to wait longer than that would be unacceptable to me unless there is an absolute great risk to me or my baby's physical health.  

Noethola

***siggy warning***

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. 

I agree that every situation is different, and I would have your dr clarify at your postpartum check-up. Your body loses a lot of essential nutrients when you give birth, and a lot of times drs want to make sure you regain some equilibrium to your system. Dont stop taking your prenatals, that will help build you back up. In our situations, drs also take into consideration emotional healing. It truly is a whole different roller coaster to be expecting again after a later loss. 

AJCagle82

I'm so sorry for your loss and the journey you beginning. It is extremely difficult. This board is a great place when you need to vent or share what's going on with people who will understand. 

I spoke with my doctor about this the other day. She told me I should wait at least 4 months. We lost Parker Jane because my placenta wasn't getting nutrients to her. In our situation, each pregnancy will be different and none of my test results shows that I'm prone to this problem happening again. Your doctor might have a reason for wanting you to wait a little longer. I would stick with your doctor's suggestion. This is also a time you'll need to grieve and start healing. The natural reaction is to want to immediately get pregnant again. I think most of us have gone through/are going through that (for me it depends on the day). Give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. 

Dixon813

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.  Did you name her?  We all love hearing and sharing the names of our angels.  Many, many prayers to you and your family.

As others have said, you should ask your dr. to clarify why that was the answer.  I didn't have any physical complications during or after delivery, so my OB said to wait 1 or 2 cycles, simply so we'd have a way to date the next pregnancy.  (My triplets were born at 23 weeks)

Again, so sorry for your loss...I hope you find some comfort from this board.

neptunebljc

I agree with all the ladies.  Personally, we were told to wait 2 cycles, so we could have more blood work done. Our OB and FD but suggested taking longer for emotional healing though.

Number2forus

Yes we named her violet. I'm sorry for your losses as well.

Jkerr924

I'm really sorry for your loss. Ugh, the waiting is awful and annoying. We were told a minimum of 3 by my regular obgyn... but 2 by my fertility specialist... weird huh. I gave birth to Dylan at 19 weeks a month ago (tomorrow will officially be 4 weeks) and then had to have a d&c a week later for remaining debris. I have my follow up next week and I'm hoping that we can discuss us wanting to try as soon as possible and not wait his emotional healing time. I feel like we are miles ahead of where we were a month ago. Everyday is different of course, but we have been counseling, talking, and working through everything. Nothing will ever replace our sweet baby boy. He is and always will be in our hearts and looking over us from heaven. I know the day will come when we meet again in heaven which has given my husband and I great comfort. As long as our bodies are healed and ready and we think that we are ready, shouldn't it be up to us to decide? I will follow up and let you know what my doc says, but you should for sure make an appointment 4-6 weeks out for your follow up and to discuss everything. 

Dixon813

Violet is such a beautiful name - thank you for sharing.

Number2forus

Thank you.

PinkCamino

I was told to wait 6 months too.