My DH makes me soo angry

bossyfnp

I was so upset yesterday. My husband spent 500$ in 3 days 300$ was on liquor. When I found out I just couldn't stop crying! It isn't the first time we've had this discussion about his problem and our finances. Of course, we talked about it we always talk about it..he always feels bad about it, (half the time I feel like he truly doesn't get it because he's hungover.) But the behavior never changes at least not for long. I just think of all the things we still need to buy for the baby, and then I just get angry.....I'm resentful...he's selfish....but of course I'm hormonal...I just get so tired of policing? Him, I'm gonna have other things to worry about. Just letting it out into the universe....

megngregk

My BFF dealt with this for years with her husband. Similar situation. They'd have little to no money, and he'd go and blow hundreds at the bar (obvious problems with alcohol, which it sounds like you are dealing with as well), often driving their bank account negative. I've received too many phone calls from her in tears because she couldn't buy food, diapers for her LO, put gas in her car to get to daycare and work, etc. She just left him (separation for now) this weekend. Moved home from CO to MN with her son. Granted, there were other issues in their marriage, but this was a huge one.

Not saying that's the step you need to take, but I'd get that shit under control. If he felt bad, this wouldn't be continued behavior. It's not you being hormonal.

Edited typo.

SvedkaStoli

I hate to say this but I think it is time for a long serious talk about what he wants to do with his life. If he wants to be a husband and a father, this has got to stop. I am really sorry you have to go through this. You guys need to start talking between yourselves and maybe a counselor. I would also contact an attorney just in case to see what would be done in a worst case scenario.

dltate29

Not knowing all of the issues behind the scenes here but it certainly sounds like he needs to address his addiction.  I see no reason why you shouldn't be upset about this.  however, it does sound like he has a problem and even though he feels bad about it after the fact, that isn't changing his behavior.  He has to want to change and he has to want to get help and to recognize that he has a problem.  You can lead a horse to water but you cannot force it to drink.   Ok maybe a bad analogy but I do think that seeking help from a professional is what both of you need.  Especially since you have tried speaking to him one on one multiple times.

peanutmuse

He needs help, and you need to make some hard decisions about your future. You can't force him to get help, but you can make decisions about YOUR life if he doesn't get help. You don't want to be dealing with this with a newborn. It's time to seek professional help and consider your options -- whether it's an intervention, kicking him out until he gets help, separation, etc. If you don't make a stand, nothing will change.

Dishylo

I think the two of you need to sit down and have a serious discussion. Perhaps even involve a counsellor. They can be a great help if/when you have trouble getting your thought across, a mediator of sorts.

I agree with PP's in that you really need to look into this now, before LO arrives. If you don't, you might find yourself in the same situation with a newborn. If somebody thinks its ok to spend hundreds on booze instead of diapers for their child, I seriously question their ability to be a good parent.

HappyDoc

From your post, it sounds like this is a pattern of behavior for your DH, which is not likely to change without some type of serious consequence and help from a professional. With all due respect, it is not just about you and him anymore. You two created a child, who deserves to have the best childhood possible. You both have to put the needs of your child before your own, and if he can't do this, then you have to take the lead and do what is best for you and your child.

csandroo

You shouldn't have to police your finances like that. Set a budget with him so he knows exactly how much is set aside for eating/drinking out and if he can't stick to it point out that he may be abusing alcohol if a baby isn't enough for him to get spending money on it in control. If its a frequent problem then it could be very serious - or if its your first baby then maybe he is just having a new dad freak out moment about lifestyle changes (my SO who rarely got drunk started to get drunk one night per week over the summer which was unusual but he said its cause he had a for sure Designated Driver now -me and just enjoying himself before LO- however the hangovers have lead him to stop) - but either way y'all definitely should communicate honestly and respectfully about what's going on -- and I hope for the best for your family!!!

aessary03

I agree with others. This is a serious problem. He needs to seek active help. Is there another account you can move money to do he can't keep blowing it on booze? I'm sorry you're going through this. 

sugarland726

That is a hell of a lot of money to spend on liquor. Your reaction has nothing to do with your present state or hormones. I'd be fuming.

mommabird77

I totally agree with PPs, that is a ton of money to spend on alcohol, that is not normal.  It is not your hormones. Seems like he needs professional help.  Big hugs to you!

jhunter89

KaitiMac said:

I can't offer any better advice than the PP's, but I just want to say that I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's most definitely NOT your hormones and you need to evaluate the safety of your LO if his behavior continues or he refuses treatment.

This! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this OP, but chances are, it's only going to get worse once the baby gets here! You need to start thinking of what's best for you and little one. 

fredtheredhead2

I don't have anything to add, but agree with PP. He needs help and you have some tough decisions to make. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

jgraham80

Wow, that's a crazy amount.  I also have a friend who is in a similar situation.  She hates her job and could literally quit and be a SAHM if he stopped spending on liquor and he gambles, too.

I think everyone else already covered the advice department.  I hope he gets the help he needs because he shouldn't be adding to your stress.

lolinshag

I don't know your/YH job situation. My brother has a drinking problem that gets exponentially worse if he is in a job he feels is not worthy of him. Maybe this is a contributing factor? Either way, it sounds as if he needs serious help. I don't even know how you would spend $300 on liquor in one night! Please get him to go to counseling so he can work on whatever issues are behind his drinking.

rowanthefrog

You are not hormonal. That is not ok...at all. $300 on liquor? What the heck is he drinking? I like to drink more than most people, but that sounds like a legitimate problem to me. We don't spend nearly that much on alcohol in a month! Can you get control of the money?

Sounds like a serious talk or maybe even an intervention of sorts is needed because I can assure you that a baby will not make this better. It's going to get much harder and you will bear the brunt of it. It's not fair to you or your child to have to deal with that.

I'm sorry...that's really tough. I hope you can figure things out.

A

BEAUNAL

everything PP's have said and I'm just so sorry. This is not the stress you need right now. Is there anyone (one of his friends or family) that can support you in a serious talk and action plan for him?
::;;hugs;;:::

bossyfnp

For an update, we did talk about it and I was still angry, but then after a reg u/s showed that my cervix was shortening and they were questioning PTL. I was admitted for a couple days and ended up getting a cerclage. I think it put things into perspective for both of us. He's going to counseling but I know it's not gonna be solved overnight. I need to concentrated on my health and our baby, so hopefully this is a wake up call for the both of us. Thanks for the advice and replies!