Plenty of time? (sorry, long, but need help) — The Bump
December 2013 Moms

Plenty of time? (sorry, long, but need help)

So I am a person who is impatient and likes to prepare for things as much as possible. I also like to check things off the to-do list. I am starting to get nervous about being prepared for baby. Mentally I am fine, except for a minor freak-out about all the stuff that isn't done/that we don't have yet.

There are still things in the nursery that need to be moved out, but DH won't let me lift them. Then we have to set up the nursery and we don't even have most of the stuff we need for baby! Over the pregnancy I have slowly been accumulating items (car seat/stroller, high chair, swing, etc.) and every time I do, DH complains there won't be enough things for other people to give us. He is convinced his parents will buy us a crib and lots of other things, that MIL wants to "spoil" her first grandchild. MIL has also mentioned she wants to throw my shower, but DH and I have yet to hear anything else about it, and now the ILs are about to leave on a 2-3 week vacation in FL, where they will also be looking for a potential home to retire to.

I am just turning 27 weeks and starting to get antsy. I don't expect other people to give us gifts, and am prepared to pay for everything myself, even though financially gifts would really help us out. DH seems to think there is plenty of time left, but I get so stressed out leaving things til the last minute, especially in Holiday season.

I'm not sure what to do. Am I freaking out over nothing? Should I just buy all the things anyway to make sure we are prepared? (DH would be pissed) But i don't want to count on these supposed gifts that are not guaranteed to be here on time, if at all. I hate just leaving all of this "undone." Advice please and thank you!

Re: Plenty of time? (sorry, long, but need help)

  • Morning!

    Just a quick response from me as I've got to get to work but personally, I would order your big items soon if you've not had 100% confirmation that anyone will be contributing/getting them for you. It's all lovely that people have offered but they haven't actually followed up by getting these things and you do need to know that they are taken care of for peace of mind really.

    My dad and my DH's parents have both offered to get us stuff but haven't done anything yet. I'm not bothered because they probably don't appreciate the timing/urgency. We ended up ordering our nursery furniture a couple of months ago and some other bits too. If people do want to start contributing at any point, I am assuming they may give us a little money instead so maybe yours could do that too if it came to it?

    You could wait but I totally appreciate you want to get things done and feel like you're running out of time a little bit.

    Good luck with whatever you do xx
    notkateanymoreTimeToReplaceTheCatsWithABabynotthecheat
  • I'd tell your DH that you need to start on the nursery. Get the room cleaned out. Choose a crib. Tell him you want the ma jor items purchased by x weeks. You could have baby early or be on bed rest.




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    notkateanymorenotthecheat
  • I'm on the same boat of OP, my DH doesn't understand that time is ticking and we need to get this show on the road! If it were for him we'll be waiting until due date to go shopping, and I'm not having any of that. I've been buying things for the baby pretty much every week, either outfits, crib sheets, pampers and things like that. We'll be ordering big ticket items in the next 2weeks, with amazon prime everything will get here in less than a week, so I'm not too worry about shipping times. I'm definitely not waiting on baby shower gifts, since I'll be having a small shower and both our families live so far away, I decided to go ahead and buy things myself, if we get something I already have, I can always exchange it for something else I need.

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    notthecheat
  • That sucks, my DH is similar.  Fortunately we have just about everything we need since this is boy #3 in 5 years, but we haven't made an ounce of effort to get anything out of storage or setup.  He thinks it's totally fine and that we have plenty of time, but he travels most of the week for work and our weekends in Oct are already full, so I have no idea when it's going to get done and it's starting to stress me out!  I, too, am a planner, but also nature takes over and makes us want to nest and get things ready for the baby so that isn't helping!
    In your position I would at least prepare to buy the crib yourselves at this point, and car seat if you don't already have it.  Any maybe some other essentials.  It doesn't really sounds like you are going to have a shower?  Or maybe it's going to be a surprise but at this point I wouldn't be counting on it.  If any of the grandparents offer to help at some point in the future just explain that time was ticking and you had to purchase a lot of your big items, if they want they can maybe give you some money toward them.
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    notthecheat
  • We are working on getting a contractor hired to re drywall and paint the room that DS2 is moving into. We also plan to have him repaint the nursery as well. At this point it will not be completed until early November.

    I would have another talk with your husband about having essential items purchased since there is no guarantee people will buy you things. That being said, the only real essentials are a car seat that is correctly installed and place for baby to sleep.

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    notthecheatColeRose
  • I would have some anxiety about this too. Could you and your husband come to an agreement of some sort. Like if you don't have confirmation that your IL's are getting a list of certain items (your top priority items that you're wanting and he is insisting his parents want to buy) by a certain date then you can order them? That way you're giving his parents a chance to do what he thinks they want to do, but you also know that there is an end date to your waiting.
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    notthecheat
  • If it makes you feel any better, NOTHING will be done to the nursery for another month or so. Right now, DD1 is in that room. The crib is in there, since she was in there up til a few months ago. But I won't be setting anything else up until we move her in with DS, which I would rather not do til the last minute, early-mid November. I want DH to paint it once we move DD1 out, but he doesn't feel like it. lol This is our 3rd though so I am really not stressing. We got rid of mostly all our baby items since this baby was not in the plan, but I am not too worried about it. The baby will have a place to sleep!

    I think you could go ahead and clear out the nursery, paint it if you plan to, and get some of the big ticket items. It would make you feel better. 
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    notthecheat
  • My shower is on the 13th and we've bought quite a few things already. And the baby's room is painted as well as the crib is put together and the dresser is here. But I STILL have anxiety about having enough stuff and being ready for baby to come home. Deep breaths.. You'll be ok!
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    MommyLovesLogannotthecheat
  • I personally would order a crib in the next couple of weeks. Other than that, you have 3 mo., stuff will get done. I will say if you are not having a shower, people aren't going to just shower you with large gifts out of the blue probably.
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    There is another kid, she's 10... 
    notthecheatColeRose
  • I agree with you completely! My DH doesn't want us to buy hardly anything yet. He thinks we will get stuff at our baby shower, which is on the 12th. I am getting impatient though like you. A lot of the people that I know only buy clothes when they shop for a baby shower. And while that is wonderful, since babies go through a lot of clothes, I am concerned that we won't have the other stuff that we need. We already have the big furniture (crib, changing table, glider) but we don't have a stroller, car seat, pack and play, or anything like that. We also don't have receiving blankets, bottles, or anything else hardly. I am getting nervous and want to start getting this stuff. So I completely understand where you are coming from. I am going to try to wait the 2 weeks and see waht we get before I go out and buy things. 

    I also agree that the holiday season coming up makes things even more stressful. My advice on your baby shower is to ask your inlaws about it before they leave. Just let them and your DH know that you have been thinking about it. Hopefully a little nudge will get them on track!

    notthecheat
  • In your position I would at least prepare to buy the crib yourselves at this point, and car seat if you don't already have it.  Any maybe some other essentials.  It doesn't really sounds like you are going to have a shower?  Or maybe it's going to be a surprise but at this point I wouldn't be counting on it.  If any of the grandparents offer to help at some point in the future just explain that time was ticking and you had to purchase a lot of your big items, if they want they can maybe give you some money toward them.
    This is my thought as well.  If the crib/glider/dresser you pick out are special-order, then they could take weeks/months to arrive.  I would go ahead and buy/order a crib.  Like PP said, if someone is mad that they couldn't buy it for you, let them know that you're happy to have them reimburse you for it!

    Even though I know it's stressful in general, a lot of the smaller stuff can wait (even until after baby arrives if necessary).  So if you want to wait it out and see if anyone throws a shower or buys you gifts, you've got time for that.
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    notthecheat
  • Thanks everyone! I'm feeling a little better. I'm going to give DH a timeline for the nursery and the big items, I think that will help a lot. I'm a FTM so there is a TON of smaller things we still need that at least for now can wait.
  • Just tell them you want to make sure you have time to set up the nursery while you still feel well- especially since you never know if you could end up on bedrest. My DH and I bought all the major things ourselves (crib, chair, stroller, carseat) and are leaving the rest for the shower and complete the registry after.
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