Feeling so sad ... (Just need to vent)

1Baby4Me

So I got my period ... again. This was my first full cycle with progesterone. For some reason I thought it would work right away. Of course I was over optimistic. Anyway I've told my sister-in-law what we've been going through. She actually called me (drunk) telling me I have to relax and the second I relax I'll get pregnant. And she can't wait for me to get pregnant. (This one's the best) All my "problems" are all in my head. This coming from a women who got pregnant without even trying. Without even wanting to get pregnant. I just wanted to yell at her. She's trying so hard. She says she doesn't want to say the wrong thing and yet she ends up saying all the wrong things all the time. I just want to curl up in a ball and have myself a good cry. I hate feeling this way and wish I could skip this part and do staight to my fertile window and try again.

badrianne

I am so sorry that the progesterone didn't work this time    People can be so naively inconsiderate. I've found it really hard to get support from people who have not experienced TTTC. Hang in there. 

JadziaDax

When someone says all your problems are in your head, it makes me want to scream!! People really don't know what to say. 

I'm sorry this cycle didn't work for you and I hope you feel better. Sometimes a good cry really does help. 

1Baby4Me

Thank you ladies. I am so thankful for this forum.

RunCC37

I don't know how you didn't scream at her. X( Those comments burn me up!! I'm sorry you're feeling down. None of this is fair. ((hugs))

Nootbar

My mom keeps telling me to just relax, that it will happen when we aren't trying. Ugh. Today she thought it would be helpful to "count my blessings" for me- good job, husband blah blah. So not helpful. So sorry - others apparently don't realize those comments hurt!

Cutiecruz327

She sounds like my mom. Who has opted to not talk about it with me. Sometimes that's better. Sorry about AF.

1Baby4Me

My mom is always asking if AF came. She sends me messages and leaves voicemail asking if I'm late and if I've tested. SMH god help me. Sometimes I really regret telling anyone.

ronniesgirl1981

Hugs! IF is so unfair. And the reality is that unless someone has been in our position, they don't know how to support us.

1Baby4Me

I truly believe she ment well. That's the only reason I didn't snap on her. But it is so SO frustrating when people say to relax and I'll just happen. It hasn't just happened in almost two years now. I need to track my cycle, take pills and test three times. How can I just "not think about it" and "relax and let it happen". Bbg can you recommend an article? I think that would be great for my SIL to read. She really REALLY wants to be there for me and she was super touched that I let her in on something so personal but she's really making the opposite effect that she's trying for. I'm so glad I have you ladies to come to.

lmlee15

sorry the progesterone didn't work   as for your SIL, you are so much better than I think I would be! If you know you're saying the wrong thing why do you keep on doing it? I just want to tell people shut up and think about what you're saying before you actually do it. Sigh, common sense is NOT common!!!

STBMrsMiller

I'm not bbg, but I sent some people the link to the For Family and Friends page at resolve.org. It's too soon to tell if it helped, but I hope it does!

Nootbar

I was inspired by this thread to send my mom this: https://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/26/ten-words-that-describe-infertility/ (FYI faith based site but generally applicable thoughts...) and she actually THANKED me. So we'll see...

1Baby4Me

Thank you so much ladies.

xc1148

I'm so sorry!! You know what might help, when you've calmed down, sit down and write a short, simple email (or call if you're a phone person) and explain exactly what you need to hear. I have a friend that would make really hurtful comments and I finally told her that she can't relate because she has 3 kids (1 accident) and that I need her to just listen. It worked...she keeps her opinions to herself and is still there for me. 

Like someone said above, nobody knows what it's like unless you go through it. Also my new fave response to "just relax" is "yea, that was the first 15 months. The vacation in the bahamas? Trust me, I was relaxed. The saturday after yoga? I was relaxed. The trip to montreal? Again, relaxed......" eventually they get the picture My friend likes to tell people "why, i didn't know relaxing and having a glass of wine would improve my husband's 0% sperm count, thanks!" zing.

bethleean

Im so sorry you had to deal with that crap. No one should have to. Youre a much better person than I am...id have lost it!

1Baby4Me

The most hurtful thing she's said so far is ... "If you need me to carry the baby I'm there for you. I know a surrogate can be very expensive." This coming from a woman who complained every moment she was pregnant. She continued saying that she would only do this for me because we all know how horrible it was for her to be pregnant with her two kids. What I would give to have been pregnant twice. All I could tell her was I'm not there yet. I really don't know how to tell her she's being unintentionally hurtful. I even feel weird sending her one of those articles, which by the way, had me crying my eyes out like crazy. Sometimes I feel so strong other times I'm completely falling apart. I feel so bi-polar. I think it's finally sinking in that I'm infertile. I've always been so optimistic. I've always told myself next month will be the month. Then when I started the progesterone I thought ok now we got what we needed. And yet still no pregnancy. Next month will be two years I've been off BCPs and still nothing. Meanwhile my best friend is pregnant and knowing what I'm going through complained to me that her first month ended in a chemical and her second month trying was successful. It took her a whole TWO months. And she's still upset about the first month being a chemical. After two years of trying that's all I got was a chemical. I'm sorry for this huge article. I'm just so frustrated. I really don't know what do to with myself. This is consuming me and I really don't like the person I'm becoming. I am so SO thankful for you ladies. Without you guys I think I would have lost my mind by now. Although I fear I'm not to far from doing just that.

Allison7

(((hugs))) we have all been there. I have actually just started tuning out when the relax comments start. I know everyone means well when they say it, but I dismiss it because of their lack of education. But it is really hard when AF is around and your hormones are running wild. And I totally understand about expecting treatments to work right away. Every cycle since I started with the RE I convinced myself that this is it because I am doing so much more...I hope that this next cycle is it for you, but until then just know you are not alone.

kindrex05

1baby4me im with you! I have never been an overly emotional person, and never felt the effects that getting your period gave most women. It seems that for the past 9 months since my husband and I have been ttc I get all emotional the day before my period (and idk if it is coming) and I cry all day over nothing. and the next day mother nature calls and tells me again that I am not pregnant.  And everyone around us now in the family keeps saying its my turn to have children, bc our siblings already have them.  That time of the month is never pleasant while ttc! I hate that 2 weeks between ovulating and my period it seems like an eternity just to be disappointed! I relate to your words and I'm glad you decided to vent! hang in there bc we are all in this together!

lmlee15

@nariadreaming: good article, made me cry   I wish I could send that out to everyone ugh lol

FutureMrsW9

I really don't know how you didn't either hang up for go off on a rampage!  I know people are only trying to be supportive, but when they haven't experienced IF they really just don't know what to say plain and simple.  I think we've finally weened our family off of the "just relax" thing....now they just tell us how brave we are, which is much better!

MrsSprader

I'm so sorry it didn't happen for you this month. Sometimes I think it's human nature to just want to say something; not for us, but so that they can feel like they tried to help. It seems like people like your sis-in-law who got what you ant so badly without trying can't understand the overwhelming need and desire you have.  That or there are the people who know someone who knew someone who had a neighbor who went through fertility issues and everything turned out FINE for them! It is not in your head.  Your struggles are your truth and no one has the right, no matter what their intentions are, to make you feel any less deserving of your feelings. Stay strong

1Baby4Me

@FutureMrsW9 ... lol I don't know if I'd like being called brave. But I think that's just my current mood. I don't think anyone could say the "right" thing to me right now. lol I really can't thank you ladies enough. I'm on the verge of tears right now to have gotten such an overwhelming response of you guys. Thank you for cheering me up.

brittneyandadam

@1Baby4Me I'm so sorry. The ignorance from family is the worst...I think it hits the hardest because they're supposed to be there for you. Before I got married, when I told my mom about my chromosomal disorder, the first thing she did was offer up her uterus and my sister's eggs. I felt like she was writing me off all together. I felt awful about the things I was thinking; I didn't want a 50yo woman carrying my child and I didn't want someone ELSE's eggs inside me. I'm sorry you had to deal with your SIL's drunken ignorance and I really hope this next cycle works out for you

@Nootbar Thank you for that article. It's hard to put words to what we're going through and this summed it up nicely...albeit emotionally :-)

@NariaDreaming Thank you for the article as well. I think if we end up caving and telling our families, I'll print this out and ask that they keep it in mind. 

TTC3+

All I can say is hugs and I feel ur pain... Tears

1Baby4Me

@ brittney ... Exactly! I don't know how to put to words how I felt when my SIL offered me her uterus. One hand I get it and it's nice and all and thanks but in the other hand. I have just begun this journey. Dont be so quick to take this from me. I use to joke around all the time how I would wobble with a big belly. I couldn't wait for it. I want to so badly feel the baby's first kick. I've just started fighting for this and she wanted to take it away so quickly. I'm a very expressive person. The fact I don't have words for these new feelings is killing me. :-/