Mommy Body vs. Sexual Body (Possible TMI) — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Mommy Body vs. Sexual Body (Possible TMI)

I posted this in the September 2013 board already but I figured I would ask you ladies too since some of you have older babies.

Okay so this may be a strange question but I was hoping to get some insight. And I'll apologize ahead of time if it's too TMI.

So I am 3 weeks PP and I know I can't have sex until at least 6 weeks PP but I know my husband is getting excited to get physical again. During my pregnancy we had sex MAYBE 5 times (I had complications so we couldn't have sex for the last 3 months). Anyways, since giving birth I have not felt sexual in any way. Maybe it's hormones but I have felt anything but sexy since giving birth. To be honest, I have no desire to be physical with my husband at all. During my pregnancy I went through times where I would want to have sex but I never enjoyed myself. I guess I was kind of creeped out since I was pregnant and just couldn't get into it.

Now that I am not pregnant I am having a hard time separating my mommy body from my sexual body. Between breast feeding, stretch marks, hemorrhoids, discharge and stitches I am finding it difficult to feel sexy. I feel bad because I know once we get the green light from the doctor, my husband will want to have sex and I feel like I won't enjoy it or try to avoid it.

So my question is, has anyone else experienced this and does it get better? I really want to enjoy sex again!

Re: Mommy Body vs. Sexual Body (Possible TMI)

  • Not weird at all. I told my husband that I felt like a cross between a chicken and a cow, and not sexy at all. Time heals all and as long as you are both giving and taking a little, it'll work out. 
  • Can u guys do other things other than intercourse? Also talk to him & tell him how you feel.. He should honor how you feel and not pressure you or make you feel bad. This is a sensitive time and he should figure out how to please himself also you have enough to worry abt.
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  • I don't know if you have already done this, but I find that wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes (or clothes in the same style) help me feel like myself again...even if only for a little while. 
    Also, remember, your body is amazing. You just did the most miraculous thing in the world. You are super woman.

  • Definitely understand this. Sex during pregnancy was no good at all and worried about that. Also did not feel like having sex or feel sexy for a while. but actually was interested by 6 weeks. Just dont pressure yourself that you have to want it by then. And definitely let husband know what you are feeling. My husband was surprised to hear that I was nervous about having sex again. it ended up happening pretty naturally about 6 or 7 weeks pp. its real hard to even think about wanting it while still your body feels completely different. for me sex was very enjoyable once we started again, much better than when pregnant. also didnt hurt at all, but did use lubricated condoms. Also i always leave shirt on bc im self conscious about stretch marks and with bf too sensitive. so adapting in those kind of ways can make you feel more comfortable. good luck :)
  • If you are BFing the hormones really kill your sex drive as well.
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  • I had a similar issue with not being able to have sex for the last bit of pregnancy and that was rough on my hunny and I and then I had a very long labor complete with stitches and the lovely stretch marks and all that great crap lol what I found worked in spite of all of that was doing things that separated me from my "mommy body" something as simple as taking a long shower or bath with all the girly smelly stuff and actually shaving my legs made me feel like a real person again not just a milk factory :) Also try going out for a walk by yourself and listen to music that you cant with your kiddo around, I found it was the little things that made the difference. Hell most of the time your too tired for the big stuff anyway lol and above all take it slow the first time!!! I cant stress that enough and by doing that it should help get you in the mood at the time :) good luck!!!
  • I think everyone goes through this.  Tell him how you feel.  Tell him to help you feel sexy again.  His compliments can really help your self-esteem.  And really, just get it over with when you can.  It will be uncomfortable at first, but you'll get back into a rhythm again.  Do what makes you comfortable too, wear a shirt if need be.  Also, definitely use lube!!!!
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  • Yep. Honestly I feel like I am in demand physically 24/7. I feel bad about it, but I want some time where my body is not tending to the needs of another person. Add all the rest and sometimes I just want to sleep, damn it.

    Also sex has been PAINFUL in the area where my tear was. I know I'm healed, but friction/pressure there is excruciating. I tried to tough it out but I was almost in tears. No amount of foreplay or lube solved it.

    You aren't alone. Hormones, sleep deprivation and BF make feeling sexy very difficult PP.

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  • Oh yea. After DD1 it easily took me 6 months to get back into the swing of things. I was totally touched out by the end of the day and not interested in sex- at all. 
    DD1 4.14.10
    DD2 8.22.13
    MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
    Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18

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  • I pretty much second what the others have said. Most people would not feel frisky based on the sleep deprivation alone, let alone someone needing you 24/7, your body recovering, your hormones imbalanced, not having as much "you" time, or time to take care of yourself, fear about the "first" time, and all the other things that come with new baby!

    Above all else, give it time. Be open with your feelings, lean on your hubs for encouragement, and make sure you are taking time to do things that make you feel good about you. If you feel pressured (even if it's just you putting the pressure on yourself) you will be resentful, so try to be accepting of your feelings, and forgiving of yourself being human!

    All of this being said (and I know it sounds bizarre & unromantic) but I would really try to get the first time in as soon as you can. The longer you wait, the more it all builds. Make sure everyone goes into it with low expectations, and patience. Wear whatever you need to feel comfortable & remember that this time is such a small piece of the big picture, you WILL feel human & sexy again, it's just a matter of when.

    Your body is an amazing baby builder, let your Hubby appreciate it :x This may be an UO, but I would try to operate in more of an "am I up for it right now?" Mindset, than an "am I in the mood?" Mindset. I am OK saying "no" to DH, but can't think of a time I've regretted saying "yes."

    Btw, fwiw, 3 months is normally when I start feeling like me again, GL!
    DD #1 4 years old (09/22/09)
    DD #2 2 years old (08/17/11)
    DD #3 born 08/29/13

  • I had no desire to be sexually active until a couple weeks ago when I was about 7 weeks PP. And then I kind of forced myself to give my DH some physical love because I felt bad about how long he'd been waiting. I was so sick and had no libido during the first four months of pregnancy and by the time I was feeling sexual desires, he had already deployed. And then I went into labor too soon after he got back home for us to do anything. 

    But making myself take the initiative to start sex has been the most beneficial in getting back to feeling sexual.
    Married 12.20.2010
    BFP#1: 11.22.2012 EDD: 7.22.2013 DS Born 7.24.2013
    BFP#2: 11.26.2014 EDD: 7.25.2015 *chemical confirmed 12.08.14*
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  • It gets better. I wasn't even thinking about sex at 3 weeks PP.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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