baby shower dilemma

lrichmond86

My cousin and his gf are having a baby in November. The baby shower is tomorrow. I rsvped that I was going a few weeks ago and I went in on a gift with my sister. Yesterday my mom tells me my aunt called to tell her that the moms side of the family just decided that kids weren't welcome at the shower. I was planning on bringing dd. Dh made plans with his dad to get some long overdue projects done around the house. I'm really stuck on this one because they waited until the last minute to tell people not to bring their kids. Do I tell dh to cancel his plans do that I can still go or do I simply not attend even though I'm included in the head count? What do you think ladies?

arlingirl

If you don't have someone to watch LO I wouldn't worry about it. I find it ironic they don't want kids at a baby shower. LOL

M0ON

Laurendag said:

I would not go. It's rather rude for them to decide that last minute.

This. Theres nothing wrong with having an adults only shower, but they shouldve let you know sooner. I would send my regrets and let your aunt know that you were unable to make last minute arrangements for the baby.

heyhaylee

I think it's rather rude to let someone know at last minute too.
I will probably get flamed, but we had an adult only baby shower. It was our last chance to have adult time with no kiddos, not that I don't love them, I just think it was more fun to relax with other adults.
But yeah, definitely rude to let you know last minute.

lrichmond86

Yeah. My issue is not the adults only thing, but the short notice. I feel bad for my aunt. She's paying for half the shower, has a quarter of the number of guests and was completely over ruled on this one. I think she didn't call us herself because she's mortified that this decision was made without her. My mom said she was in tears

Stina2012

What I find hysterical is the no babies at a baby shower push back. I hosted a baby shower for my friend who insisted no kids, like adamantly. When she hosted my shower she suggested everyone bring their kids....so she didn't have to leave hers with a sitter. She's a good friend but she's special.

Is LO nursing? I'd ask the host if that includes nursing babies. They are always tge exception in my book.

M0ON

Silv3rlining said:

Are you nursing? If so I say take your LO anyone...may be a jerk thing for me to say, but I'm learning that infants tend to be an exception to an adult only rule most of the time. (Its not like they will be running around tearing up stuff or even eating the food).

Those may not be the reasons they requested no kids. Sometimes people dont want babies at showers because they dont want to take the "spotlight" off the MTB (not saying I agree with the sentiment, just saying that it exists).

It would be pretty rude for OP to call and ask to be an exception, and worse still to just show up with the baby anyway.

Liz4444

Was your LO officially invited to begin with? Was her name on the invitation? Did you say anything about her when you RSVP'd. I'm guessing this wasn't a last minute thing, it was just a not so subtle hint to make sure you don't bring her if you had been planning on it. Honestly, if she wasn't on the invite, it was equally as rude of assume she was invited.

I still maintain that if someone says no children, it means no children, even infants. It has nothing to do with running wild or the extra meal, they don't want kids there, period. That's fine, they can have the party they want. If you choose not to attend, then politely tell them you won't be able to make it.

NKF312

agree with lots of pps.. If they didnt want kids they should of indicated that from the beginning .. you have every right to call and tell them you can no longer make it

Hilaboo86

IMO I wouldn't go. I just had a shower for my cousin and told them if DD couldn't come, I couldn't either. It's a BABY shower for god sakes. A wedding shower I could see, but it's for babies!

KERJF

I wouldnt go.
I can see not wanting little kids running around. But your infant is far from that at this stage so I dont see the big deal? And if they truly wanted no children - that should have been stated from when the invites were sent out.

Liz4444

Hilaboo86 said:

IMO I wouldn't go. I just had a shower for my cousin and told them if DD couldn't come, I couldn't either. It's a BABY shower for god sakes. A wedding shower I could see, but it's for babies!

A baby shower is for the mother to be, not everyone else's babies.

lrichmond86

Liz4444 said:

Was your LO officially invited to begin with? Was her name on the invitation? Did you say anything about her when you RSVP'd. I'm guessing this wasn't a last minute thing, it was just a not so subtle hint to make sure you don't bring her if you had been planning on it. Honestly, if she wasn't on the invite, it was equally as rude of assume she was invited.

I still maintain that if someone says no children, it means no children, even infants. It has nothing to do with running wild or the extra meal, they don't want kids there, period. That's fine, they can have the party they want. If you choose not to attend, then politely tell them you won't be able to make it.

No, it WAS a last minute decision on the part of the maternal grandmother. Originally my aunt told me kids were welcome and I responded that we would both attend. They literally decided YESTERDAY (which I said in my op). I make no assumptions about invitations like that.

Liz4444

lrichmond86 said:

Liz4444 said:

Was your LO officially invited to begin with? Was her name on the invitation? Did you say anything about her when you RSVP'd. I'm guessing this wasn't a last minute thing, it was just a not so subtle hint to make sure you don't bring her if you had been planning on it. Honestly, if she wasn't on the invite, it was equally as rude of assume she was invited.

I still maintain that if someone says no children, it means no children, even infants. It has nothing to do with running wild or the extra meal, they don't want kids there, period. That's fine, they can have the party they want. If you choose not to attend, then politely tell them you won't be able to make it.

No, it WAS a last minute decision on the part of the maternal grandmother. Originally my aunt told me kids were welcome and I responded that we would both attend. They literally decided YESTERDAY (which I said in my op). I make no assumptions about invitations like that.

Then they are being asshats.

jemasa33

I would call the mom and explain the situation to see what she thinks.

[Deleted User]

I don't know, if my aunt was crying I would probably go so that she wouldn't feel bad. I like getting out of the house and hanging with my family too and leaving the kids with DH is always a nice eye-opener.

PrimRoseMama

I would see if I could secure childcare. However, if I struck out then I would send my regrets. The hostess can't get upset about head count or wasted food when they wait until last minute to tell you important shit.

supersarah77

As PPs said, I wouldn't go. No sense making DH cancel his plans bc they were jerks and basically uninvited kids. Let it go and move on. Before kids I really had no clue the level of coordination kids require. She may fall into that category.

Hilaboo86

Liz4444 said:

Hilaboo86 said:

IMO I wouldn't go. I just had a shower for my cousin and told them if DD couldn't come, I couldn't either. It's a BABY shower for god sakes. A wedding shower I could see, but it's for babies!

A baby shower is for the mother to be, not everyone else's babies.

It's also celebrating motherhood. I see both sides, I just think it should have been announced earlier for her sake.

Liz4444

Hilaboo86 said:

Liz4444 said:

Hilaboo86 said:

IMO I wouldn't go. I just had a shower for my cousin and told them if DD couldn't come, I couldn't either. It's a BABY shower for god sakes. A wedding shower I could see, but it's for babies!

A baby shower is for the mother to be, not everyone else's babies.

It's also celebrating motherhood. I see both sides, I just think it should have been announced earlier for her sake.

Yes, celebrating one particular person's impending motherhood, not everyone's. It absolutely should not have been changed last minute, though.

sdtchica13

Sigh...I seriously don't understand people who think they are special because they recently popped out a kid...

No kids means no kids, regardless of whether you are nursing, they are clingy, or you just plain don't want to leave them home. Exceptions do not need to be made for you, its up to you to make other accommodations if you want to attend. My shower was adults only, and I preferred it that way. A shower, whether baby or bridal, is about the bride or mom to be, and no one else, end of story.

OP, in your case,it was asshatty in the extreme for them to tell people no kids at the last minute, when they were previously allowed...talk about a breech of etiquette. I would send your regrets; its their own fault if they paid for you already, perhaps they should have thought of that before making a change last minute.

Hilaboo86

Liz4444 said:

Hilaboo86 said:

Liz4444 said:

Hilaboo86 said:

IMO I wouldn't go. I just had a shower for my cousin and told them if DD couldn't come, I couldn't either. It's a BABY shower for god sakes. A wedding shower I could see, but it's for babies!

A baby shower is for the mother to be, not everyone else's babies.

It's also celebrating motherhood. I see both sides, I just think it should have been announced earlier for her sake.

Yes, celebrating one particular person's impending motherhood, not everyone's. It absolutely should not have been changed last minute, though.

Agreed.
This is why I said if I couldn't bring her I wouldn't be able to attend and just send my gift.

To each their own.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Stina2012

Liz4444 said:

lrichmond86 said:

Liz4444 said:

Was your LO officially invited to begin with? Was her name on the invitation? Did you say anything about her when you RSVP'd. I'm guessing this wasn't a last minute thing, it was just a not so subtle hint to make sure you don't bring her if you had been planning on it. Honestly, if she wasn't on the invite, it was equally as rude of assume she was invited.

I still maintain that if someone says no children, it means no children, even infants. It has nothing to do with running wild or the extra meal, they don't want kids there, period. That's fine, they can have the party they want. If you choose not to attend, then politely tell them you won't be able to make it.

No, it WAS a last minute decision on the part of the maternal grandmother. Originally my aunt told me kids were welcome and I responded that we would both attend. They literally decided YESTERDAY (which I said in my op). I make no assumptions about invitations like that.

Then they are being asshats.

Agreed. And I would not go.

I do think people get to decide if they want kids there or not. For me nursing babies are totally an exception, but I wouldn't care about kids at any shower. Most importantly the hosts get to decide that stuff (even if its MTBs input). I just think my friend was being a hypocrite!