Should I tell BD to expect a letter from my attorney

bebe11

My attorney mailed out a letter to my ex yesterday.  My ex has no clue that I have an attorney, so the letter he receices will be the first he hears of it.  Should I just let him figure it out or tell him?  He has been less hostile the past 5 days, so I am not sure what to do.  I did have the attorney tone down the letter, because I didn't want ex to fly off the deep end again. 

The letter just basically says that he is my attorney and if we go forward with the court hearing that we will more than likely appoint minor's counsel for my dd, so that we can obtain info re her preference and that the court will more than likely have us split the cost.  And then it offers a settlement of dropping the overnights and changing them to just dinner.

Hopeforthebest

I would leave it alone. He is a big boy.

sweetwalks

I would leave it alone too.

Hopefully he agrees so you don't have to spend a ton of money but it may be best for a court appointed GAL or someone to hear your DD's side of how her dad treats her.

bebe11

Ok, I just wasn't sure.   Thanks! 

+just+j+

Yep. Leave it alone. I not babying my ex anymore either. Serves no purpose.

fellesferie

It's nice of you to want to give him a heads up, but with the temper issues you have described I would just let him get the letter. No reason for you to have to hear a tirade in exchange for being courteous! 

jess9802

I'm an attorney but not in family law, but my gut reaction is: don't tell him. Don't talk to him about the fact that you've retained an attorney. Don't discuss settlement with him. If you've gone to the trouble and expense of retaining an attorney, let him do his job. Talking with your ex about these things can make your attorney's job more difficult. If he blows a gasket over it, that's his problem. It's okay to tell him, "I don't feel comfortable talking about this; you can talk to my attorney or have your attorney talk to him. Let's just focus on DD's immediate needs/dropoff/pickup whatever."

twister22

jess9802 said:

I'm an attorney but not in family law, but my gut reaction is: don't tell him. Don't talk to him about the fact that you've retained an attorney. Don't discuss settlement with him. If you've gone to the trouble and expense of retaining an attorney, let him do his job. Talking with your ex about these things can make your attorney's job more difficult. If he blows a gasket over it, that's his problem. It's okay to tell him, "I don't feel comfortable talking about this; you can talk to my attorney or have your attorney talk to him. Let's just focus on DD's immediate needs/dropoff/pickup whatever."

As everyone else stated, I too would let it be. And I especially agree with the bold.

JessH1474

I agree, I wouldn't tell him either.  I think it will probably just open the door for an argument or him to be nasty with you.