What would you tell FTMs?

artroyer

Being pregnant is exciting! And scary!  And fun!  All ST+Ms out there, what piece of advice would you give to FTMs?  You've lived through it once, so what will you do differently this time?

 

I am so thankful that I've been through a pregnancy and know what to expect (for the most part!) this time around.  My number one thing that I will be focusing on is ENJOYING this pregnancy!  I was in such a rush with my first and just wanted her to be here (understandably!).  If I could give any piece of advice to FTMs, it would be to slow down and enjoy it   BUT I know that people told me that the first time around... and it was impossible for me lol.  It's one of those things I had to learn from experience.

mrspopsicle

Get off your high horse. Don't say, "I'm never going to ____ or I'm always going to _____". Yes, it's nice to have a plan and to have goals, but you have no clue what it's really going to be like when you have a little human dependent on you for their every need.

Your life will be so much easier if you just relax a little and give yourself a break from the start. There is so much you cannot control. Just do your best and assume the other moms around you are doing the same.

CamrynnsMommy

Go easy on yourself. You don't have to do what other mothers do, you don't have to have what they have.

As far as BFing, it's a breeze for some, tough for others, and impossible for a few. I really beat myself up about this, I couldn't BF, my children had high palettes and I produced very little milk. I got very depressed. It's not the end of the world, if you can't or don't want to.

CamrynnsMommy

Also, Gestational Diabetes aren't that terrible. You just have to watch your carb intake and poke your finger. I'd rather forego the test and just start the diet.

chargers32

CamrynnsMommy said:

Also, Gestational Diabetes aren't that terrible. You just have to watch your carb intake and poke your finger. I'd rather forego the test and just start the diet.

I don't get what's so horrible about the test, lol. I actually didn't mind it, the drink isn't awesome, but it's not a syrupy hell as some describe. Plus i'd prefer the blood taken once than a finger poke daily.

My advice is the same as those above really, don't beat yourself up if you don't do everything you said you would do. and really treasure that time when they are tiny, it seriously goes SO fast. Oh and look into the fourth trimester, wearing my DD and DS made things so much easier for me

chargers32

chargers32 said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

Also, Gestational Diabetes aren't that terrible. You just have to watch your carb intake and poke your finger. I'd rather forego the test and just start the diet.

I don't get what's so horrible about the test, lol. I actually didn't mind it, the drink isn't awesome, but it's not a syrupy hell as some describe. Plus i'd prefer the blood taken once than a finger poke daily.

My advice is the same as those above really, don't beat yourself up if you don't do everything you said you would do. and really treasure that time when they are tiny, it seriously goes SO fast. Oh and look into the fourth trimester, wearing my DD and DS made things so much easier for me

Not implying that you feel the test is so horrible, I just always here everyone talking about how horrible it is.

Ziegeficker

Accept help when it is offered.  And set up a meal train amongst your friends or prepare freezer meals in advance...it's a life saver.

Open yourself up to learning as you go, and cut yourself all the slack in the world -- Being a new mom is tough, so don't bother with self-deprecation and guilt trips.

Long before the baby arrives, talk to your partner about problems you anticipate having once the baby is here.  Then try to tackle them when you're not sleep-deprived and covered in poop.  Fortify your relationship and be each other's cheerleader.

Remember that, while it doesn't seem like it at the time, the moments you're up cuddling with your LO and holding him/her while s/he nurses to sleep are the moments you'll cherish in retrospect.  Before you know it, your DS or DD will be not so little anymore.

Once you hit your stride, do what works for you, and if anyone has a problem with it, fuck 'em.

sopsongbird

I'm a FTM and I'm already beating myself up.  I just hit 6 weeks and am having trouble slowing down and not being the "superwoman" that I normally am (especially at work).  My 26 year old energy is almost non-existant and I don't do much around the house except sleep when I'm off work.  I talked to my DH and expressed this to him and he tells me that it's ok, but I still can't shake the feeling that I'm being lazy.

CuteBride8808

I'm not being so strict with diet. I ate sushi and had a turkey sandwich. I am trying to enjoy the sleep I get now since my 16 month olds sleep pretty well through the night. I don't care if I don't keep up with housework-- if I'm tired , I rest. Last piece of advice is not to compare yourself as a mother to other mothers-- do what works for you and your baby. Also don't compare your baby to other babies.

KristaU831

CHILL OUT. you are pregnant, not on the brink of death, lunch meat, sushi, fingerfuls of feta etc are fine in small doses, even booze is.
 and echoing @mrspopsicle you just sound silly when you say i will never do x and my baby is totally going to be y.
and knocking formula before you have the baby? not cool. you never know if you can breastfeed or not. and talking poorly about it is just setting yourself up for guilt trips if you need to supplement or switch completely. 

mrspopsicle

Yes @kimbus22! I forgot about traveling. While it is possible after baby, the amount of stuff you have to pack and plan for is unreal. You even won't want to deal with it. So travel now! And sleep...

jaclynnn

Take plenty of trips alone, to the mall, movies, out to eat! Whatever you can, cause time alone is rare.

Definitely don't knock formula before you get there... I know this one from experience.

When the baby comes, enjoy every single second of the hospital!!!! If you want to sleep, don't feel guilty sending your baby to the nursery. Cause when you go home, there won't be nurses. And you probably won't get a good nights sleep for a while, even with help, you'll worry and not wanna sleep.

2BMrsMcW

chargers32 said:

chargers32 said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

Also, Gestational Diabetes aren't that terrible. You just have to watch your carb intake and poke your finger. I'd rather forego the test and just start the diet.

I don't get what's so horrible about the test, lol. I actually didn't mind it, the drink isn't awesome, but it's not a syrupy hell as some describe. Plus i'd prefer the blood taken once than a finger poke daily.

My advice is the same as those above really, don't beat yourself up if you don't do everything you said you would do. and really treasure that time when they are tiny, it seriously goes SO fast. Oh and look into the fourth trimester, wearing my DD and DS made things so much easier for me

Not implying that you feel the test is so horrible, I just always here everyone talking about how horrible it is.

I didn't find the 1 hour horrible. Then I failed by 3 points, and had to take the 3 hour. THAT was HORRIBLE! If you puke, you have to come back another day and repeat it. I felt like I was going to puke after the first hour.

My advice would be that while I think that you should have a birth plan (at the very least you should dictate who can/can't be in the room), you should also be willing to let it go. You may get exactly what you want, and you may get exactly the opposite. Don't educate yourself solely on what you want. For example, I wanted delayed cord clamping, but the cord was very short and the placenta came with baby, unexpectedly, so the cord tore and had to be immediately clamped.

JACKIE_RS88

Last time around I worried so much about L&D that I didn't think much about actually taking the baby home.  Prepare as much as you can for those first few weeks/days.  Line up help, meals, etc.  

dragossoul84

Don't be to hard on yourself if you make LD plans that don't pan out. I was planning a natural no intervention dimly lit birth and to breast feed. I had an emergency c-section with plenty of intervention including a 3 day induction and then my milk NEVER came in I couldnt breast feed at all and the pressure I go to to breast feed was determental to my son he lost 3lbs after his birth because the drs kept telling me to try it until it worked. I gave up and went to formula because I knew he was hungry. He is so smart and so big now and social. Also a swing saved my life in the beginning. Get a good swing out of all the baby gear I shelled out for the swing is worth every penny

CamrynnsMommy

chargers32 said:

chargers32 said:

CamrynnsMommy said:

Also, Gestational Diabetes aren't that terrible. You just have to watch your carb intake and poke your finger. I'd rather forego the test and just start the diet.

I don't get what's so horrible about the test, lol. I actually didn't mind it, the drink isn't awesome, but it's not a syrupy hell as some describe. Plus i'd prefer the blood taken once than a finger poke daily.

My advice is the same as those above really, don't beat yourself up if you don't do everything you said you would do. and really treasure that time when they are tiny, it seriously goes SO fast. Oh and look into the fourth trimester, wearing my DD and DS made things so much easier for me

Not implying that you feel the test is so horrible, I just always here everyone talking about how horrible it is.

The test isn't terrible, I'm just sure I'll have GD again, so I'd rather skip the test.

katesy21

Sleep and take naps now.  Enjoy your freedom because once the baby is born you constantly have that other person whose needs have to be met.  I wouldn't trade it for the world but my life definitely isn't carefree anymore.  Also it's easy to be consumed with baby once they arrive but don't forget about your relationship with DH.  It's hard to leave baby but date nights are still so imprortant for your marriage!

PikaPikaChick

Don't lose your mind at Babies R Us.  You really don't need that much stuff.  Keep your money for takeout food or a 529 plan.

czarmom

Relax and expect the unexpected.  Let things go, it's hard to do it all at first, but you will find your groove.  

Ziegeficker

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/09/to-my-post-partum-self-things-i-wish-id-known/ All of this.

miniray

Don't rush being pregnant.  Sit back and enjoy it.

When I was pregnant with DS I wanted time to go faster.  When I was 5.5 weeks I'd tell people I was 6.  I hated how I had to wait for everthing.  Dr's appointments and u/s were always so far away and I wanted to rush through it all and meet my baby.  I wish I didn't rush/stress so much and that I enjoyed being pregnant more.  Your life will NEVER be the same.  Take advantage of it just being you and your spouse while you can! 

I wish I would have went on more date nights, ate out more, saw more movies, travelled more, napped more, slept in more, relaxed more etc. etc.  I love DS with all my heart and I wouldn't change my life right now for anything, but it's just not as easy as it used to be.  DS still doesn't STTN and we are all exhausted.  It was our anniversary yesterday and we didn't do anything because we worked, daycare pick up, dinner, bath and bed.  We are going to see a movie Saturday but because I'm still BFing cannot stay out too long. 

Just enjoy your one on one time as much as you can with your spouse, do whatever you want when you want to do it, nap whenever you want, sleep in whenever you want and just ENJOY being pregnant.