Jealous and need to get it out!

TalaricG

Hi all... Me and my husband have been TTC for about 4 months. I know that's not that long and am trying to be rational about it and keep positive it will happen soon.

However, I currently have 2 friends/ acquaintances who recently accidentally have gotten pregnant- and they were absolutely accidental. While in my head, I'm happy for them and know they're excited about their surprise babies, part of me is SO jealous/angry and I'm having a hard time with how to handle my emotions.

I keep thinking it's not fair that they weren't even TRYING to have a baby and are and I'm over here trying my hardest to get pregnant and every month I keep getting a BFN.

I feel like I can't really talk about it to anyone because I know how it makes me sound, but I needed to get this out somewhere. If anyone has ever felt like this, it would be great to just know I'm not alone.

BadBishop

You are absolutely not alone and it's totally normal to feel that way.  I feel like everyone around me is pregnant or they just had a baby.  You want what you want when you want it and it's hard to watch others get it.  Just keep a smile on your face and say "Congratulations!" and then go punch a pillow later

Philleigh

I get it, I really do. I felt that way once and someone here pointed out that there is not a finite number of babies in the world and someone else's ability to conceive does not affect yours.

That really put things in perspective and made me focus on myself instead of dwelling in a negative, jealous place.

MrsN6912

Yea It's rough sometimes. But try to remember that their fertility has no affect on yours. Just because they got pregnant doesn't mean you can't or won't.
Just keep doing what you're doing and be happy for them. Just like I'm sure they will be when you get your bfp.
Plus, four months isn't that long.

hegoolsby20

I am right there with you.. I recently had two friends have babies and 2 of my sister's friends (who are 18) that all conceived while not trying to get pregnant! It is super frustrating. I ended up having to shield myself from social media in order not to see it and get frustrated. Out of sight out of mind, right? Any who.. Good Luck!  

Squeepatrol

Happens to the best of us. I hope in 30 years you get to chuckle about it like my mom did the other day when recounting how frustrated she was before she had her kids when all her friends "fell pregnant."

AmyC925

You aren't alone in wanting to be pregnant when your friends are. Just keep in mind that it takes a healthy couple up to a year and 4 months isn't that long. I'm at month 14 and it helps to tell my friends that I'm super happy for them (because they didn't steal my baby) but sometimes I feel sorry for myself.

Twinkie0612

 

slappalicious said:

I haven't felt that way.  Ever.  And we've been trying for over 30 cycles.

Why?  Because I feel bad for people who get KU'd without planning it.  It must be scary as shit for them.  I can't even imagine the emotions that they're going through.  Children change things and their lives will never be the same.  I always hope for the best for them.

Remember, their fertility has nothing to do with your own.  There isn't one (or two) less child in the ether to be created.

Good luck, and when you start feeling like that, imagine yourself in their situation.  Just because it's something you want, doesn't mean that it's something that they want or are even ready for.

HTH!

I agree with this.

tealowl

Negative feelings are normal to have. Slapps has very good advice - unplanned pregnancies are scary and stressful and nothing to be jealous about. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 18 - trust me, NOT something to be jealous over!

Try to focus on other things in life you enjoy - for me, I work on exercising at my gym, paying down debt, get togethers with friends (that includes booze!), etc....

 

EmeJay

What Slapps said.

FWIW, 4 months in, if you feel that way, you'll have a hard time. You need to let it go.

Also - If these people are your friends, you should be happy for them. A little jealous, perhaps? But angry? No.

catmagick

I will say this: as soon as you start trying to get pregnant, suddenly there are pregnant women everywhere. It happens; it's just the way it goes. They are on tv, in the work place, the supermarket, family and friends. Just take it for what it is and move on.

ksuRN09

I understand the jealousy & frustration and it's normal. @macylynn27 is right. You can feel sorry for yourself for a minute but then life goes on. Unfortunately TTC feelings aren't always logical but it helps to focus on other things: hobbies, alone time for you and DH, etc. I've recently started really trying to scratch things off my bucket list that might not be feasible for several yrs after children.

Good luck!

Eta: Apparently, spelling is hard today.

teresaide

When I feel jealous like this, I sit down and write a letter of all the things that I wish I could say to the person who I'm jealous about. I really spill my guts about how I feel in that thing. I let all the nasty thoughts out. Then I read it, and shred the mofo. Then I drink wine and eat delicious chocolate and feel better about everything again.

tealowl

catmagick said:

I will say this: as soon as you start trying to get pregnant, suddenly there are pregnant women everywhere. It happens; it's just the way it goes. They are on tv, in the work place, the supermarket, family and friends. Just take it for what it is and move on.

Yes, this. You're hyper-aware of it. I've had two friends have babies recently, I know 4 woman pregnant including my cousin, I have two weddings to go too, and 4 people I know just announced engagements. All things I do not have right now and want to have.

Focusing your mind on things that bring you joy will help.

LO95

catmagick said:

I will say this: as soon as you start trying to get pregnant, suddenly there are pregnant women everywhere. It happens; it's just the way it goes. They are on tv, in the work place, the supermarket, family and friends. Just take it for what it is and move on.

Good Lord.  Isn't that the truth?!  I have been wondering if women have always been pregnant around me and I've just never noticed. 

My SIL, God love her, is KU and sent out a baby shower invite talking about beer for the "lucky non-pregnant ones"---those words exactly.  :::SMACKS HEAD:::  So frustrating.  I was pissed about it for a day and then moved on.  

The scary thing is waiting.  If you knew that you'd have a baby two years from now the wait would suck but there'd be a light at the end of the tunnel.  In the meantime, there's no light and a lot of wondering.

DoggieMama161

I have to admit I was jealous of a former coworker who I just found out was pregnant. They have been married for a year and weren't really trying yet either, but they are awesome and will make great parents.  I found out the day I had a BFN after being pretty darn sure I was pregs, so it was a bad day for me in general.  Luckily, my DH is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! He listened to me and held me as I cried (again!) and complained that we were trying and they weren't and it wasn't fair.  Then he told me that it's ok because that baby wasn't meant for us, it was meant for them.  He then asked me how I would feel if I found out one of my friends is jealous when we get pregnant instead of being happy for us.  I felt like I had been slapped in the face but man was he right (don't tell him I said that  ) We are going to have a baby when the time is right for us, it will be awesome and amazing and I don't want to wish away the time of us trying by being jealous of other people.  I know that every cycle that goes by means I am going to love my baby a little more when I get the BFP just because of how long we waited for them to get here.

Hang in there and good luck to you!

Hoppygirl13

I completely understand two of my friends just had babies and about 5 are due next spring.. I have baby envy! I just try to remember that when it's the right time it will happen. Doesn't matter how much I cry or get upset about it.. Good luck!

Philleigh

jmar2011 said:

Is there a reason @JbJb flagged @philleigh's post? Maybe I missed something,  or it may have been accidentally hit?

I was at a meeting and just saw this. Can I get unflagged please @byegurlbye or @darcyhermione?

Philleigh

DarcyHermione said:

Philleigh said:

jmar2011 said:

Is there a reason @JbJb flagged @philleigh's post? Maybe I missed something,  or it may have been accidentally hit?

I was at a meeting and just saw this. Can I get unflagged please @byegurlbye or @darcyhermione?

@jb&jb will have to remove it by clicking love it on your post. Excessive flagging can lead to banning.


Man, you're quick @darcyhermione. Thanks! I really appreciate it.

TalaricG

This seriously made me think. Your dh sounds awesome, and I think that I need to start thinking about this whenever I start feeling jealous!

mak7788

It takes a lot of courage to post on here and say "hey, I know I shouldn't feel jealous or have negative feelings, but I do!" You're owning your feelings and they're totally normal. So kudos on that. I felt exactly this way this week and was questioning whether or not that was normal.

 I don't think I got pregnant this month (and it's only my first month of trying so I REALLY have no room to talk). But I tell myself the longer we wait the more paid time off I'm earning, the more money we're saving, the more one on one quality and intimate time I get to have with DH before a baby turns us upside down (and not necessarily in a bad way.) So instead of thinking of all the negative, find positives in your life. Even ones that aren't related to baby

GL!

nswain85

I feel ya. It's frustrating! Try to just use them as examples and for advice so that you will have more knowledge going in when you get your BFP! I know it is annoying but try and look at it that way good luck!

SmurfyLite

I think any time you see somebody get what you want and dont have is going to trigger some of those feelings, but you don't have to give in to them. Evaluate them for what they are, and put them aside, because that's all you really can do.

SmurfyLite

I read an article recently about "mommy wars" and the main premise was that other people aren't doing things "at you". Eg. That woman isn't working out and looking like a total fox AT ME, I just take it that way because I feel slighted in my own view in comparison.

We just started trying for #2, but it was a decision a long time in the making, and I was jealous of people while I was waiting for the right time. I have taken to reminding myself that they didn't get pregnant "at me" they weren't doing it "to me" and I dont' factor into their situation at all, so I need to take myself out of it, and just be happy for them.

Dianakdee

Maybe your trying too hard . Just enjoy your sex and I promise you it'll happen . I used to think before when we were trying why isn't it happening is there something wrong with your sperm and he'd think the same about me and my ovulation and then we just had sex stopped caring BAM! BFP test

SmurfyLite

@dianakdee  get in your douche canoe and ride on.

EmeJay

Dianakdee said:

Maybe your trying too hard . Just enjoy your sex and I promise you it'll happen . I used to think before when we were trying why isn't it happening is there something wrong with your sperm and he'd think the same about me and my ovulation and then we just had sex stopped caring BAM! BFP test

THANK YOU! I just didn't know what was wrong with me !!!11!!1!!

Just sex. Will try!

I'll name my first born after you! BEST.ADVICE.EVER

Philleigh

Oh, that's been the problem for the last 17 months. I just cared too much. Thanks.