- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
October 2013 Moms
LC122
member
Who is being unreasonable?
LC122
member
Seriously curious if it is me or my friend and feeling the need to vent.
So, my best friend from high school, who I haven't seen in about 7 years, (and who has been in/out of contact over the years for various reasons), said she wanted to come visit in October. Her timing has more to do with when her kids will be on break and can stay at her parents.
First, she said she wanted to come for a long weekend which would start on my due date. (I went two weeks late with #1, so I know that date is variable.) Well, then she says they are going to visit her sisters in Cali (she lives in AZ, I'm in GA) that weekend and she wants to come later in the week. Then it goes from being a 4-5 day visit to a 2-3 day visit. Then she finally books her flights and her departure is early Saturday morning. Then she says she is anxious about flying (not the idea of crashing, but navigating the airports (seriously? She has direct flights and she's a grown woman)) so she was trying to get her husband to schedule his business trip at the same time so they can fly together. Then she says that his business will be done early and his coworker will be taking the rental car back to the airport, so could her husband crash at our place Friday night even though he reserved his hotel until Saturday. (His "business" is out in the burbs, like 30-45 minutes outside the city, so he would be staying out there initially.)
I have no issues with her husband personally, have never met the man, but he is much older (like literally her parents age) and I know we have some idealogical differences. She said he couldn't drop off his coworker at the airport and keep the rental car because he doesn't want to drive. He'd rather take a cab from the burbs to our house Friday night.
Anyway, so, she has rescheduled, shortened, and added another person to her trip, which will take place the week after I'm due. I'm normally pretty low-key and go with the flow, but it keeps seeming like this trip has less and less to do with me and my family and more to do with her prerogative. And my husband pointed out that if we have the baby before all this, any plans we had for hosting her will go out the window since we'll have other things to worry about.
So, am I being unreasonable not to be excited about this visit? Or is she being unreasonable to make all these changes on someone who will be 41 weeks if still pregnant at the time?
And what should I do about it?
Congrats if you read all that and thanks for any input.
So, my best friend from high school, who I haven't seen in about 7 years, (and who has been in/out of contact over the years for various reasons), said she wanted to come visit in October. Her timing has more to do with when her kids will be on break and can stay at her parents.
First, she said she wanted to come for a long weekend which would start on my due date. (I went two weeks late with #1, so I know that date is variable.) Well, then she says they are going to visit her sisters in Cali (she lives in AZ, I'm in GA) that weekend and she wants to come later in the week. Then it goes from being a 4-5 day visit to a 2-3 day visit. Then she finally books her flights and her departure is early Saturday morning. Then she says she is anxious about flying (not the idea of crashing, but navigating the airports (seriously? She has direct flights and she's a grown woman)) so she was trying to get her husband to schedule his business trip at the same time so they can fly together. Then she says that his business will be done early and his coworker will be taking the rental car back to the airport, so could her husband crash at our place Friday night even though he reserved his hotel until Saturday. (His "business" is out in the burbs, like 30-45 minutes outside the city, so he would be staying out there initially.)
I have no issues with her husband personally, have never met the man, but he is much older (like literally her parents age) and I know we have some idealogical differences. She said he couldn't drop off his coworker at the airport and keep the rental car because he doesn't want to drive. He'd rather take a cab from the burbs to our house Friday night.
Anyway, so, she has rescheduled, shortened, and added another person to her trip, which will take place the week after I'm due. I'm normally pretty low-key and go with the flow, but it keeps seeming like this trip has less and less to do with me and my family and more to do with her prerogative. And my husband pointed out that if we have the baby before all this, any plans we had for hosting her will go out the window since we'll have other things to worry about.
So, am I being unreasonable not to be excited about this visit? Or is she being unreasonable to make all these changes on someone who will be 41 weeks if still pregnant at the time?
And what should I do about it?
Congrats if you read all that and thanks for any input.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Who is being unreasonable?
Also, just because you were two weeks late before doesn mean you will be again. Especially since second timers often go sooner than with their first. So if having the baby already is a pre-req for not allowing her to come, then I would go ahead and count in that and tell her y'all need to look at dates further into the future.
And remember: paragraphs are your friend. I'm a little surprise I even finished it.
BFP #1: Mother's Day 5/13/12...m/c Memorial Day Weekend 5/26/12
BFP #2: 2/16/13...Owen Ray born 6 weeks early 9/9/13
1. Yeah, I didn't even realize it ha been 7 years until I did the math. We just live across the country from each other and haven't been able to connect in person for various reasons. Not sure if the 7 years makes it seem more overdue or more like something that can obviously wait a little longer.
2. Yeah, old is the least of his issues. They have only been married less than a half dozen years or so and he's not the father of her children.
3. Her children are in middle & high school, so it's been awhile since she had a toddler and baby.
This. You'll be either waaay overdue, or home with a 2 day old baby. Tell her to go scratch
BLOG: The Quinntessential Mommy
Lots of people have mothers or sisters or whoever come to "help out" after the baby.
And we haven't "seen" each other in 7 years, but we've kept in touch for the most part.
And I have been using paragraphs; I'm just mobile, so not sure how it looks on the computer. It showed up as paragraphs to me. Sorry - I know that sucks to look at otherwise.
Anyway, it's more the constant changes and additions and stuff that seem inconsiderate. And she already booked her flights, but we're about 4 weeks out, so not sure how that would affect things.
She just texted me "so excited we'll get to meet each other's husbands at the same time" and I'm just not excited. Is that bad?
I know, right? Never met the man but from what she tells me, he seems very high maintenance and illogical.
She talks about having issues when he travels for business and it makes me wonder if she has some serious separation anxiety. Grown woman.
Why the hell does this board have such a difficult time being honest with people? Seriously, it blows my mind. They let people walk all over them and the cry on here. Where is that going to get you? Half the time I don't even believe the stories, I think it's woe is me and not the full story.
The thing is, if I haven't delivered and don't go into labor while she's here, I'm not too worried about it (except for the husband part, and the inconvenience of the airport timing). There is just no way to know that.
So, should I tell her not to come and cancel/postpone her flights? And if so, how would you phrase that? Or should I just let her husband being here with a hotel be the backup plan? She had said it was "ok if it's not ok" for him to stay with us Friday since his hotel is reserved until Saturday. My guess is that we are just much closer to the airport than his burbs hotel and since he refuses to keep the rental car after his coworker leaves, he would have to take a cab there and to the airport.
So, I guess she is planning to come whether it's convenient for me or not. Hopefully that means she isn't planning on being an inconvenience.
Hopefully it won't be as stressful as I'm worried it will be.
With my first, I was completely fine being super pregnant and past due. We went out for New Year's Eve the night before I went into labor.
And even though I tend to be a germaphobe and didn't want a lot of visitors initially, I was fine having people around after the baby was here. (With the exception of a baby-crazy SIL).
And since she's never met my toddler, maybe she can help entertain her if I do have a newborn to worry about.
I just don't want to have to worry about her high-maintenance husband.
All of the above, but you have never met her husband and she is asking if he can crash at your place? No fucking way in my house, pregnant or not. I can't believe you are even entertaining this idea. Why can't they just stay in a hotel?
BFP #1 1/11/11 M/C 2/4/11
BFP #2 6/13/11 Baby E born 2/18/12
BFP #3 12/3/12 C/P 12/5/12
BFP #4 2/10/13 Baby R born 10/19/13
All of the above, but you have never met her husband and she is asking if he can crash at your place? No fucking way in my house, pregnant or not. I can't believe you are even entertaining this idea. Why can't they just stay in a hotel?
After some discussion, I think her husband will be staying in the hotel. And it wouldn't surprise me if she joined him for whatever reason.
Ok, let me try to clarify.
Originally, she said she wanted to come in October. I said we would either have a new baby or still be waiting on one. She understood that and said she would love to meet the new baby but if we were still waiting, she would be perfectly happy to hang out with our toddler, help clean the house, whatever. We are both fairly laid back about things, as is my husband, so it seemed fine.
Then came the date change, the timing of her flights. I wasn't excited about those things, but not deal breakers either. In the meantime she talked about her airport anxiety. I still think that's weird, but figured she could manage. Then she said her husband might be planning a business trip at that same time and he could maybe fly with her and ease her anxiety. His business is outside of town, where he would be getting a hotel and going to business dinners and working that Thursday and Friday morning.
She/they would fly out Saturday am and he had reserved his hotel through Saturday. Since his coworker would be returning the rental car on Friday and presumably because their flight is so early and his hotel is further out of town, she asked if he could crash with her at our place on Friday.
We have since had a conversation in which I told her all the changes and additions were complicating things to me. And I guess to relieve my fears, she said that her husband was fine staying at the hotel and as for the unpredictable timing of the baby's arrival, there was no need to worry about her because she had family in the area too. So, my interpretation was that while she didn't have plans to visit said family (had never mentioned doing so), she could reach out to them if she needed to so as to not be in the way. Although I don't know why she wouldn't just hang out at her husband's hotel if she had to.
Does that answer everything?
It sounds like she's trying to work a bunch of things out. At this point, you've done all you can. Since you agreed to it initially and she booked her flights I don't see how you can totally back out. Hope things work out with the timing of the baby for you.
BFP #2 11/4/12 EDD 7/20/12 missed M/C 12/13/12 @8w5d D&C 12/21/12
DX 2/7/13 with an alloimmunity + for anti-paternal antibodies started Lovenox daily & BA
BFP 2/16/13 EDD 10/28/13