NBR: maidzilla + bridezilla = ???

EmJ&B · September 2013

Short version of the story thus far: my sis is getting married on Oct 5. I am maid (matron) of honor and due Oct 10. There has been unending drama from sis in regards to will the baby ruin the happiest day of her life and equally tiresome drama from 2 of the bridesmaids about the dresses.

Here's the latest: as MOH, I'm planning the bachelorette evening. My sis has specifically said that she doesnt want to go to a bar so the plan is to go to her absolute favorite restaurant (a semi-expensive fondue place) for a girls dinner on Thursdsy the 3rd. It'll be the 4 bridesmaids, my sis and the photog (good friend). One of the reasons we've waited this long is that our cousin (also a bridesmaid) arrives here from New Zealand, on the 1st.

The bridesmaid who is mad that the alterations to accommodate my stomach mean I'm getting a "custom" dress, has declared that she isn't coming to dinner because she has to work the next day (uh, so do all of us except the cousin) but that she'll take "everyone" out for a "real" bachelorette party after the rehearsal dinner ...

I've said sorry but I'm not going to the bar on Friday night. There's the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and, oh yeah, the wedding the next day. I do not have enough energy for a bar. And guess who is being painted as the bad guy in this whole thing?

Am I wrong? Would you be heading to the bar the night before a wedding at 39 weeks?

blondolphn · September 2013

Nope. Specially if it's an early day the next day. There is so much going on that you will be tired just from the dinner.

calibr8te · September 2013

The short answer to your question is : HELLZ NO!
Girl is being a bitch and going to regret this plan on the actual wedding day if everyone is hung over and looking like shit.

Bridal parties somehow manage to bring out the worst in people. I loathe them and refuse to assemble one for our wedding. Somehow even that decision caused drama.

mommyilene · September 2013

Umm....NO!! I would not be heading to the bar at 39 weeks pregnant. Your sis said she didn't want the bar anyways so why the bridesmaid being pushy about going to the bar after the rehearsal dinner?? I remember the day before my wedding and after the rehearsal and dinner I was exhausted. We were going to go to the movies because that is what my parents did the night before their wedding and I thought it might be a cute tradition. Well I was just too tired along with EVERYONE else. You are going to be exhausted after the rehearsal and dinner and need to get some sleep for the wedding. I wouldn't sweat it, the bridesmaid sounds jealous that she doesn't get a "custom" dress. Hope LO decides to lasts after wedding!!

Lilpoppy · September 2013

Wow...I can't believe they would be pressuring or expecting you to even go to a bar late nighy when you are this far along. And your sister already made it clear what she wants to do for her bachelorette - if that bridesmaid doesn't want to come then it's her own problem.

EmJ&B · September 2013

Thanks for the back up, ladies.

@dh13, I don't care if they want to go to the bar. I think its a poor decision but I'm not going to stop them. What's a bummer is the bridesmaid going on and on about how I should come to the bar and its sis's big night and on and on .... and sis not defending me (or even being understanding).

EmJ&B · September 2013

crunchymama11 said:
If your sis gives you attitude, tell her to don't want barhopping to put you into labor.

Nice - that's a great idea. Thanks for the line!

sfshorter · September 2013

I just think it is hilarious that another bridesmaid is actually jealous of you need a maternity style dress, or alterations to make yours fit. That is so silly.

Wino0920 · September 2013

I would not go and just ignore any comments. Don't even give the drama the time of day. Act completely oblivious to it.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

Didn't your sister say she didn't want to go to a bar? So you're doing the fondue thing? But then crazy bridesmaid is planning a bar outing? What does the bride think about this??

CousinVicki · September 2013

i would tell everyone to stfu. i have zero time for petty drama, let alone from dickhead immature bridesmaids.

and who goes out to a bar drinking the night before a wedding? sounds like a GREAT idea!

ETA: i am astounded you are even IN this wedding after being treated so poorly by your sister and the baby "ruining your day" , sister or not, you are being treated like shlt, why are you letting her be such a bltch? stand up for yourself wtf!

EmJ&B · September 2013

jnsmith85 said:
Didn't your sister say she didn't want to go to a bar? So you're doing the fondue thing? But then crazy bridesmaid is planning a bar outing? What does the bride think about this??

Yep, sis (bride) doesn't go to bars.
Yep, the dinner/fondue night 2 nights before the wedding.
Yep, crazy bridesmaid is planning bar outing for night before wedding.

Sis is being very wishy washy ... saying no she doesn't really want to go to the bar but it really would be nice for "everyone to be together to celebrate" ... I feel like "everyone" can be together. At the dinner.

CousinVicki · September 2013

now i reallly want fondue.

EmJ&B · September 2013

CousinVicki said:
ETA: i am astounded you are even IN this wedding after being treated so poorly by your sister and the baby "ruining your day" , sister or not, you are being treated like shlt, why are you letting her be such a bltch? stand up for yourself wtf!

On the one hand, this is sort of par for the course ... sis is 5 years younger and has always this been dramatic, its her world and we're all living in it, center of attention kind of personality so some of this is not at all shocking. I'm trying to get through it with as much grace as I possibly can.

On the other hand, my sis's drama is stuff I'm used to but if I'd known it was going to be like this with the other girls, I'd have tried to nicely get out of it.

CousinVicki · September 2013

EmJ&B said:

ETA: i am astounded you are even IN this wedding after being treated so poorly by your sister and the baby "ruining your day" , sister or not, you are being treated like shlt, why are you letting her be such a bltch? stand up for yourself wtf!

On the one hand, this is sort of par for the course ... sis is 5 years younger and has always this been dramatic, its her world and we're all living in it, center of attention kind of personality so some of this is not at all shocking. I'm trying to get through it with as much grace as I possibly can. On the other hand, my sis's drama is stuff I'm used to but if I'd known it was going to be like this with the other girls, I'd have tried to nicely get out of it.

~~~~~

so you basically enable her to act like a bratty b;tch? still not getting this.

EmJ&B · September 2013

@CousinVicki

~~~~~
so you basically enable her to act like a bratty b;tch? still not getting this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that its OK. Just trying to give an accurate representation of the situation.

The (very few) times in the past that I've mentioned to our mother that sis's behavior is inappropriate/ out of line, excuses get made and rationalizations happen. Our mother has always favored my sis but will not admit it. Used to make me wonder if I was nutty but DH has commented on seeing the same kinds of things.

Is it acceptable? No. But I can't raise my grown sister. I just try to play nice and am deft the peacemaker.

ETA: for clarity

CousinVicki · September 2013

EmJ&B said:

~~~~~
so you basically enable her to act like a bratty b;tch? still not getting this.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that its OK. Just trying to give an accurate representation of the situation. The (very few) times I've mentioned to our mother that sis's behavior is inappropriate/ out of line, excuses get made and rationalizations happen. Our mother has always favored my sis but will not admit it. Used to make me wonder if I was nutty but DH has commented on seeing the same kinds of things. Is it acceptable? No. But I can't raise my grown sister. I just try to play nice and am deft the peacemaker.

this is your first major mistake-- telling your MOM about your sister's behavior. if she is old enough to get married (i hope) then she should be odl enough to confront her directly. again, you are reinforcing her childish behavior by not even dealing with her directly!

EmJ&B · September 2013

@cousinvicki

No, I guess I wasn't clear - I haven't been talking to our mother re the wedding stuff. I just meant in the past I've raised some things about how our parents interact with my sister.

Wedding stuff has been between those actually involved.

tashad18 · September 2013

I wouldn't go to a bar the night before my wedding or being in someone elses even if I wasn't pregnant. I would most definitely NOT be in a bar at that point in my pregnancy. God forbid you go into labor and the only people around are a whole bunch of drunk people!

HFrizzle · September 2013

Wow you have put up with so much shit over this wedding. They all would have gotten fat swollen middle fingers from me a while ago.

Just keep saying to yourself "It's almost over!"

CousinVicki · September 2013

EmJ&B said:

@cousinvicki No, I guess I wasn't clear - I haven't been talking to our mother re the wedding stuff. I just meant in the past I've raised some things about how our parents interact with my sister. Wedding stuff has been between those actually involved.

i wasn't talking about wedding stuff specifically either, just her general behavior.

Jalee85 · September 2013

I personally wouldn't go, and I didn't go to my friends bachelorette party the night before the rehearsal either, and I was only 25 weeks then. My friend was disappointed only a little bit, and they were all glad to have at least one bridesmaid not hung over the next day.

EmJ&B · September 2013

petdocd said:
I thought your sis was starting to become a little more realistic after your last post, but it seems like she has moved back into her regular bridezilla self.

Me too! And I think that's what's upsetting me about this latest round. Like, seriously? She can't even be understanding about me not going to a bar? At this point? When she's not thrilled about being in a bar either?

What I really need to do is put on my big girl panties and quit hoping/expecting my sis to be on my side.

Ajoyd · September 2013

I would not, and if I was your sister I wouldn't either. You want to look your best on your wedding day and a late night of drinking doesn't really bode well for that.

My RD was on the earlier side and I went out for a drink after. I think I was home by 10 pm and the next day I was so thankful to have made it an early night.

bnikiz · September 2013

Hell no! I refused to go to the bar at my best friends bachlorette when dd was less than two months old. I went out to dinner then went back to my baby. I know she was a little bummed but totally understood.