16th night- still no sleep!!!

Bubsie1020

Just to follow up on my previous post.  DD is still not sleeping.  We tried the Super Nanny approach for 4 days and didn't see a decline in the amount of hysterics.  Pediatrician indicates it's not something physical nor does she believe it's night terrors.  It is likely a phase, which is what we thought.  I was hoping that the spare bed routine would help and it did slightly, for a night or two, but now that is a major fail as well.  So, in short, our nights have been 2+ hours to get her to go sleep, and between 4 - 20+ times waking up each night.  On a side note, the last couple of nights, in the midst of her crying and after we've tried settling her for the umpteenth time, we've given her time to cry to see if she stops.  After about 5 minutes of crying or calling us, she stops, opens the door and stands in the hallway.  She stops crying at this point, but just stands in the hallway.  It's actually a little unnerving.  We get up, put her back to bed and the cycle starts again until one of us goes to sleep with her.  At this point, hubby is suggesting one of us just goes to bed with her every night (in the spare room).  Something in me thinks this will create hard to break bad habits, but as he points out, we wind up doing it any way (whether it's at 9 pm or 2am, does it matter?).   Thoughts?  Oh and hubby and I are so tired and zombie-like that we are totally snipping at each other.  No fun at all for any of us. 

cyprissa

Can you put a mattress on the floor of your room and let her sleep there if she wakes in the night? Sounds like she is scared to me. Maybe if you tell her she can come to you, she will feel better. also, what about a twilight turtle or special flashlight? does her room have weird shadows that could be scaring her? My 2 year old went through a period where he was resisting sleep but he didn't have hysterics like that or seem frightened...just wild and unwilling to lay down.

rlyttle

I'm a mean mommy & I haven't let DS get away with ANY nighttime craziness. I personally would put a gate at her door, or lock her in. Then I would leave the TV on in my room, turn on the fan, and get ear plugs if I could still hear the cries. I know it's mean, but she would get the message that you will not come in there and sleep with her. She has control of the situation right now. If there is nothing wrong with her, then a night or two of her crying without going into her room isn't going to hurt her. GL!!

cyprissa

Yeah, good clarification...we have wood floors so I was thinking toddler size cot, blowup or camping mattress not a big old mattress off of a bed.

ClaryPax said:

I would tell her that if she is scared she can come sleep in the floor in your room. I wouldn't put a mattress there, just make it something more temporary like a sleeping bag if you have carpet. If this persists you may want to look into counseling for being scared. Maybe that seems a bit odd, but I've known kids that go through it and the counselor a have a lot of good techniques to help the toddler overcome their fears.

TiffanyBerry

What does she say when you talk to her (when she is calm and it's not anywhere near bedtime) about how she feels about bedtime and her room and all that?  You might have to talk to her about this over the course of a number of days (even weeks), but have you tried really listening and asking probing questions?  (I know it's hard at this age, but it can be done - if you don't plant ideas in their heads .  We went through something similar (though not quite as bad) a few months after we transitioned DD to her own bed.)

jaylynn808

I was a bit meaner with my oldest. I stayed in her room until she fell asleep for the first few nights. Then I did snuggle time until she showed sleepiness and left. She often cried and yelled for me, but after several weeks the tears became less until there were no more tears. Of course, she usually fell asleep within 20-30 min of crying and stayed asleep, so i got lucky there. It was heart wrenching tho. With my son we did attachment parenting. When I finally transferred him to his room, I slept with him the whole night at first for a couple of weeks. It trained him to sleep through the night in his own bed cause he started trusting I was there. Of course, this took longer but I slowly transitioned him to being on his own by sneaking out to spend a bit of time with hubby and sneak back before his regular midnight wake-up-and-check to see if I was there. Soon, he slept until 2, then later and later until now where he wakes up without me and is all smiles. I eventually was able to sleep in my own bed longer and longer until I was there all night. I know he totally had control over us and most would say its better to let them self-sooth, but it worked for us and he went from being a terrible sleeper to a great sleeper without having to scream. My friend slept in her sons room on the floor and slowly transitioned out. Not sure that any of these are the right methods for you, but wanted to share in case it could offer you any ideas you could make work for you.

Bubsie1020

We do ask her during the day about sleeping.  She clams up.  Sometimes she just points to the window, sometimes she just says "You sleep with me Mommy".  She never really says I'm scared or anything.  She's fine going in her room during the day to go dressed, grab a toy, etc. 

twirlyjack73

What worked for us was to follow this advice (& it worked the first nite & it's been 4 months now).  Take a notebook & decorate with stickers of things/activities she likes.  Write in the book that this book is special for her & it's about a new nightly routine.  That from now on mommy & daddy are going to put 'name' to bed & check her all nite, even when she's sleeping.  then the rest of the books talks about her fav things & then confirms what's about to happen.  THen you put her down & (we used a starry pet pillow & let her control the button) & say we're going to ck on you in 5 min.  Then you come back & say I need to be a good sleepy girl (lay down & close eyes & rest) & we'll ck on you in a few min.  then last one is ck on you when you are sleeping & kiss your head when sleeping.  so you are cking 5 min, then 10, then 15, then keep it at 15.  after a week or so our LO now sleeps by the second ck.  Oh & also write that the door will be kept open & she might hear sounds like you doing dishes, tv, walkng, etc... GL!

cpmich

I still see nothing wrong with letting her sleep on your floor. If it makes you feel better, she will soon go through a developmental stage where she wants more and more independence and to do more on her own. She won't be in your room forever.

When she is a teen you may wonder what happened to the little girl who wanted you around.

Bubsie1020

Update- Last night was one of the worse nights.  I sat with DD (H was at the gym) from 8:15 till 9.  At 9, she finally started dozing.  I got as a far as the door and bam, hysterics.  "Come lay with me Mommy" over and over.  I actually had to go to the bathroom and left her and she screamed her head off.  H walked in around this time and went to sit with her.  It took another 20 min and she fell asleep.  At 1am she started screaming again, he went in and I went in and round and round we went to soothe, to no avail.  Finally, I closed our door and after 5 minutes, it was quiet.  We checked the monitor and she wasn't in bed.  We opened our door and there she was literally standing up asleep in the hallway between rooms.  Now I am worried that something is really wrong here and maybe the dismissal of night terrors was too quick.  When she saw H she snapped out of it and started crying again at which he just took her back to the spare room and slept with her the rest of the night.  She has developed a cough from all this screaming.  I myself am now sick.  I feel like my house is at a breaking point.  I'm seriously considering asking grandma to take her for a night or 2, but I realize that is only a short respite and won't solve the problem.  Just venting...  Tell me this will pass

genekelly

When DS was ~22 mo, he had a major sleep regression.  He went from STTN most nights to being up 3-4x a night and not being easy to put down.  I ended up doing modified CIO b/c I knew he was not ill or incapable of sleep.  It took a good 6-8 wks of consistent checks every 10 min until he finally was back to good sleep habits.  I have to say in hindsight that I don't think that letting him cry taught him anything about sleep.  I think it was just a sleep phase, albeit a long one, and he grew out of it.  I wish I had been willing to just lie down with him and cuddle but like you, was worried I'd set up horrible sleep habits for later.   I feel like you should just do what works to get everyone the most sleep and leave it for a few weeks and then try again to put her down without you.  If you and your husband can deal without sleeping together for a little while, you'll probably all get more sleep and be better functioning all day.  Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon.  It is soooo hard to be tired and listen to them cry.

cpmich

It is probably not night terrors but it probably is nightmares. You are all sleep deprived. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation is a major contributing factor to nightmares in small kids. Nightmares are a common phase and it will pass but your kid needs to feel safe and needs sleep for that to happen.

Not sure why you think sleeping at a grandparent house will help. She will probably feel even more afraid and abandoned than she does now.

What lesson is your goal with your reactions to her sleep problems? Is it, no matter how she feels, you are not to be bothered during sleeping hours? Is it that she will only be comforted if she escalates to hysterics? Is it that if she feels she really needs you, you will be there no matter what time? Not judging you, just not sure where you stand on this. If you and your DH can identify your goal, you can figure out how to get there.

Seriously, one option is to do a special night or weekend where you all have a camp out and sleep in the same room, it can be the living room if you don't want her in yours, just to see if it helps. Cuddle her. Let all of you get some sleep.

Heck give her a dose of benedryl before bed if you have to, just for one night. You all need some sleep to reset.