Silently paying for my own shower...

Frannavaldez9399

Bear with me here... When I found out I was pregnant, I was making a lot of money. My best friend, barely gets by. But she offered to host my shower. I told her that I was more than happy to share some of the expense, knowing that she couldn't. She agreed and we decided not to let anyone know that I was helping her. I got laid off shortly after telling my boss. I now live off unemployment. This means I make WAY less than her. We started discussing the details of the shower, and she told me that she would rather get me a great gift that I need instead of getting any decorations or food for the shower. So. I've been taking about 20$ out of my check a week to get construction paper... Plates.. Bowls.. A few snacks that won't spoil any time soon.. And things to make my own favors and homemade invitations and thank you cards. I gave her my food list this week... It's basically my favorite finger foods and party foods. (I'm a Yankee.. Living in the south) she put down most of my food ideas. I told her that I assumed I was doing all the cooking, and these things are what I ate growing up. She didn't argue. Also, didn't offer to help. My question: what the heck do I get her for a "hostess gift"???? I'm doing everything and she's super excited about the shower. She's legit my best friend, and sees my struggle every day. But she's the most.. Lets say "frugal" person I've ever met. She wants to have pitchers of water on the table for the drinks. I'm well aware that I shouldn't even be having anything to do with the shower, but this was going to be a really fun diy TOGETHER thing when it started. Help?!

[Deleted User]

You don't get her a hostess gift. And it sounds like you are basically throwing your own shower. That's a no no.

If I were you, I'd kindly explain that you don't have the money to provide decorations/food/etc. since you've been laid off, and STOP PAYING FOR STUFF. That is money that could go towards paying for things for your baby.

If she can't afford to throw you a shower, just decline it. It sounds like maybe you're worried she won't throw you a "good enough" shower, so you're trying to take control. If that's the case, stop.

74dragonfly

If you are laid off save the $20 per week for diapers. I'd cancel the shower. If she can't afford to do it and you can't afford to help out back out of it.

EastCoastBride

If you both are broke and struggling to find the $$ for this shower, then don't have the shower.  Seriously.  Save your $$ for the baby. 

 

Frannavaldez9399

Thanks ladies. I guess I assumed that because I committed to it, I had to follow through.

ArgyleBride

Why can't you just have a tea party in the afternoon someplace outside or in a home, where decorations are unnecessary?  Parties don't have to be expensive and they don't need crepe paper.

jencnh

I'd tell her that since your financial situation has changed you can't afford helping anymore with the shower and suggest either a non-meal time cake and punch type shower or if she isn't in agreement you need to cancel it. She can agree or step-up. I know it's easier said than done to just cancel a shower you were looking forward to, so hopefully you can agree on something smaller and inexpensive! Good luck!

neverblushed

Neither of you are in the position to throw a shower, and you must cancel it before it causes any more stress, expense, or hard feelings.  

Word will get around that you weren't able to have a shower, and people who want to help you will come through with supplies and gift cards when the baby is born.  Trust me, everyone who knows your employment situation will be eager to help you with the basics.  And, although it's nice to have a shower and to have things before the baby's arrival, it's actually not a necessity.  You really don't need a TON of stuff right when the baby comes home from the hospital.

Put that $20 per check aside for diapers and other baby supplies where it belongs!