FFF Specifically Pros and Cons of being a SAHM

KaylaC0514

This post is for encouragement and support for all of us SAHMs who need reminding of the good parts of SAHM and to not feel guilty about not enjoying everything that is a part of SAH.

I will start.  I've been a SAHM now since August 2012, since DS1 was born and I am expecting DS2 in October.  I enjoy being able to stay in my PJs all day, not gonna lie. Especially being SO pregnant and uncomfortable.  I like having the option to nap when DS is napping, I could sleep all day and still be exhausted.  I worked for 8 years prior to this and its nice to not have the stress of a job for a change.  I love that I'm not missing any moments with DS.  And the fact that I can do pretty much anything I want to do with my days!  We can go to the store, visit family/friends, watch movies, cook/bake, clean, go grab a coffee and muffins.  Okay, so all of that makes me sound TOTALLY spoiled.  Here are the not so enjoyable parts..

Often feeling like I'm not contributing.  Yes, I know I do A LOT taking care of a LO but when those bills are due I wish I could help. DH is looking at taking a second job so I feel guilty that I get SO much time with DS and DH is gone a lot. Along the same lines... most days I am the caretaker of DS from waking until bedtime again. It can be repetitive and sometimes I would like a break...or at least not have to change yet ANOTHER poopy diaper. I kno I probably have plenty to add but my arm is tiring from trying to hold DS off from the computer and it takes foreverrrr to type one handed! lol so I will leave the rest to you.

MomIn2013

I've been at home since last November, actually a couple of months before DS was born. I confess that when we're out walking on a beautiful day, I think about my former co-workers and can't help thinking "suckers!"

KaylaC0514

I Heart The 80s said:

This thread is making me stabby.

u can explain why if u would like. You're free to share your opinion. Just try not to flame anyone else in them process. This is meant to be a judgement free thread

Mrs.Hizzo

KaylaC0514 said:

This thread is making me stabby.

u can explain why if u would like. You're free to share your opinion. Just try not to flame anyone else in them process. This is meant to be a judgement free thread

Good luck with that.

mrsnorthernbell

I'll join

I've been home for 2 years and have a 2.5 year old and a 2 month old. I love our crazy busy days. We do fun activities like story time and trips to the zoo. I enjoy getting to make my own schedule and spending time watching my littles grow.
I also miss working. I enjoyed my job. I don't get a lot of time away from the children and I don't have hobbies anymore. I spend a ton of time ckeaning.

Allisonville

My girly was born in August of 2012 too! Hi5! I've only been home with her for about a month now so I think I'm still transitioning into my new position, but I often feel like I'm not "doing anything." I cook, clean, shop, and of course play with my daughter...I just have to remind myself that what I'm doing is just as important as what I was doing while I was working. I don't know if that even makes any sense.

The pro? I get to cook, clean, and play with my daughter all day! She's a little sponge and it's amazing to help her grow and learn new things.

Sorry if I contributed to the stabby, I'm a gushy first time mom still in the honeymoon phase of this staying home thing!

kcisthebombdotcom

I am confused. You're overwhelmed and you're obviously in a bit of a pinch financially since your dh is looking for a second job. Why wouldn't you work? I can't imagine ever making my dh get another job so I didn't have to work. That's just insane.

Andrewsgal

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

rockyrollgirl

Pros: Being home with my daughter
Cons: Being home with my daughter

KaylaC0514

MrsMuq said:

OP, you must be new here. Most of the ladies on this board generally don't take too well to the "martyr" SAHM.

And if you lurked here often enough, you'd know none of our FFC posts are actually flame-free.

And we don't like dandelions, pouches, or horse meat.

Did I get it all, guys?

Haha OK noted. Maybe some moms will still benefit from this thread. Not everyone has to be on board

dmartin726

rockyrollgirl said:

Pros: Being home with my daughter Cons: Being home with my daughter

 

I literally just cracked up.  This.  Exactly. 

KaylaC0514

Diapers&Wipes said:

Judgement free thread needs to go on a sticky on top of the board with
White knight
Pouches
Hill to die on
Horse meat.....

Things that are just hilarious and ridiculous.

Generally that's why ppl enjoy coming to forums. To talk to people and share experiences without having to feel judged like they do every day of their lives by they people surrounding them in real life

kcisthebombdotcom

KaylaC0514 said:

Judgement free thread needs to go on a sticky on top of the board with White knight Pouches Hill to die on Horse meat..... Things that are just hilarious and ridiculous.

Generally that's why ppl enjoy coming to forums. To talk to people and share experiences without having to feel judged like they do every day of their lives by they people surrounding them in real life

Yeah...not so much for me.

KaylaC0514

KC_13 said:

I am confused. You're overwhelmed and you're obviously in a bit of a pinch financially since your dh is looking for a second job. Why wouldn't you work? I can't imagine ever making my dh get another job so I didn't have to work. That's just insane.

Can't afford childcare mainly

kcisthebombdotcom

KaylaC0514 said:

I am confused. You're overwhelmed and you're obviously in a bit of a pinch financially since your dh is looking for a second job. Why wouldn't you work? I can't imagine ever making my dh get another job so I didn't have to work. That's just insane.

Can't afford childcare mainly

If your dh has the time to get a second job, you can be the one to work at those times instead of him...

Andrewsgal

KaylaC0514 said:

KC_13 said:

I am confused. You're overwhelmed and you're obviously in a bit of a pinch financially since your dh is looking for a second job. Why wouldn't you work? I can't imagine ever making my dh get another job so I didn't have to work. That's just insane.

Can't afford childcare mainly

This didn't occur to you before number two?

KaylaC0514

Andrewsgal said:

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

He is able to make a lot more than I am. So not crap at all haha

kcisthebombdotcom

Sagen said:

You could always try to find work at a daycare, usually they let you bring your own child along for free or at least a reduced rate.

Ditto this. Or you could work at a place like the y /gym daycare where you can bring your kid to work with you.

Andrewsgal

KaylaC0514 said:

Andrewsgal said:

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

He is able to make a lot more than I am. So not crap at all haha

I would keep other kids in my home or work nights before I let DH work a second job that is so selfish.

KaylaC0514

Loppy19 said:

KC_13 said:

I am confused. You're overwhelmed and you're obviously in a bit of a pinch financially since your dh is looking for a second job. Why wouldn't you work? I can't imagine ever making my dh get another job so I didn't have to work. That's just insane.

This. Not to mention the fact that I would lose my mind never seeing my husband.

I actually love the fact that I get to see and kiss my DH every day! For the first 6 mos of ds1 life he was OTR driving truck. We got to see him for a 3 day period once a month! Its all perspective and you do what you have to do to make things work. Yes I was miserable. A FTM going through everything alone essentially. I'm not one of those wives who like their alone time either. I could spend every minute with my dh and never get tired of him!

kcisthebombdotcom

Andrewsgal said:

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

He is able to make a lot more than I am. So not crap at all haha

I would keep other kids in my home or work nights before I let DH work a second job that is so selfish.

Yup. Why would you allow your dh be a stranger to your kid? I would give up cable, Internet, dinners out and any sort of luxury before I'd make my dh work a second job if I couldn't clear enough to justify daycare. Obviously if you have money to go out you can make changes to make this happen...

M0ON

KC_13 said:

Andrewsgal said:

KaylaC0514 said:

Andrewsgal said:

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

He is able to make a lot more than I am. So not crap at all haha

I would keep other kids in my home or work nights before I let DH work a second job that is so selfish.

Yup. Why would you allow your dh be a stranger to your kid? I would give up cable, Internet, dinners out and any sort of luxury before I'd make my dh work a second job if I couldn't clear enough to justify daycare. Obviously if you have money to go out you can make changes to make this happen...

This exactly.

i cant believe this is for real.

Andrewsgal

KaylaC0514 said:

Loppy19 said:

KC_13 said:

I am confused. You're overwhelmed and you're obviously in a bit of a pinch financially since your dh is looking for a second job. Why wouldn't you work? I can't imagine ever making my dh get another job so I didn't have to work. That's just insane.

This. Not to mention the fact that I would lose my mind never seeing my husband.

I actually love the fact that I get to see and kiss my DH every day! For the first 6 mos of ds1 life he was OTR driving truck. We got to see him for a 3 day period once a month! Its all perspective and you do what you have to do to make things work. Yes I was miserable. A FTM going through everything alone essentially. I'm not one of those wives who like their alone time either. I could spend every minute with my dh and never get tired of him!

Then why are you making him get a second job if you love seeing him so much that doesn't work.

kcisthebombdotcom

Well, I suppose we were due for a unity horse...

Andrewsgal

Big huge love for you KC ">

KaylaC0514

To the "stabby moms" in all seriousness why do u enjoy making judgemental comments? Is it your entertainment? Does it make u feel smart? I really honestly would like to know. To me it just seems like your comments are false and ignorant. You don't fully know my situation or anyone else on here. But that probably doesn't matter to you anyway so why am I wasting my breath right?

peacelove&mama

You really shouldn't be complaining about changing shitty diapers when your DH is taking on another job so you can afford to sit around in your pajamas all day.

Andrewsgal

Why do you insists on making your husband get a second job instead of you getting a first? BTW this is not stabby this is truthful sometimes the truth hurts. Maybe if what we are saying is bothering you it is time to reevaluate your situation.

M0ON

KaylaC0514 said:

To the "stabby moms" in all seriousness why do u enjoy making judgemental comments? Is it your entertainment? Does it make u feel smart? I really honestly would like to know. To me it just seems like your comments are false and ignorant. You don't fully know my situation or anyone else on here. But that probably doesn't matter to you anyway so why am I wasting my breath right?

You thought telling us about going out for coffee and muffins while your husband looks for a second job was going to go over well? Come on..

rockyrollgirl

I agree with PPs, if things were that bad I would work nights and weekends.

KaylaC0514

KC_13 said:

Andrewsgal said:

KaylaC0514 said:

Andrewsgal said:

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

He is able to make a lot more than I am. So not crap at all haha

I would keep other kids in my home or work nights before I let DH work a second job that is so selfish.

Yup. Why would you allow your dh be a stranger to your kid? I would give up cable, Internet, dinners out and any sort of luxury before I'd make my dh work a second job if I couldn't clear enough to justify daycare. Obviously if you have money to go out you can make changes to make this happen...

I don't "let" my husband do things. I support his decisions. Also I am 37 weeks pregnant I came exactly go up to mc Donalds and start working. Again my income would pale in comparison to what he can make. He's wanted me to SAH with our kids from the time we first started dating 5 yrs ago. Its mutual and were both doing what we can to make that happen but if it isn't possible I will be looking for a job and trying to find reasonably priced, safe childcare

Andrewsgal

But if he is having to work two jobs it isn't possible!

peacelove&mama

Obviously being a SAHM is not possible anymore. This is something you should have considered before getting pregnant again. Saying your income would "pale in comparison" is a bullshit excuse. Just admit that you would rather lay on the couch all day while your husband works himself to death.

KaylaC0514

Haha your all probably right! Wow I wish I was that smart. Enjoy ur bitching and pointing fingers.

kcisthebombdotcom

KaylaC0514 said:

Andrewsgal said:

Um you should feel guilty. Your DH is getting a second job because you SAH. That is crap.

He is able to make a lot more than I am. So not crap at all haha

I would keep other kids in my home or work nights before I let DH work a second job that is so selfish.

Yup. Why would you allow your dh be a stranger to your kid? I would give up cable, Internet, dinners out and any sort of luxury before I'd make my dh work a second job if I couldn't clear enough to justify daycare. Obviously if you have money to go out you can make changes to make this happen...

I don't "let" my husband do things. I support his decisions. Also I am 37 weeks pregnant I came exactly go up to mc Donalds and start working. Again my income would pale in comparison to what he can make. He's wanted me to SAH with our kids from the time we first started dating 5 yrs ago. Its mutual and were both doing what we can to make that happen but if it isn't possible I will be looking for a job and trying to find reasonably priced, safe childcare

Yes, but pregnancy is a temporary situation. If things were so tight why were you out blowing money? Also there are TONS of job opportunities for moms to earn income without having to use childcare that hire for night and/or weekend work. I waitress two evenings a week when dh gets home from work. Outside of the restaurant business there's retail, call centers, grocery stores, hospitals, real estate offices, apartment complexes, etc etc. honestly, if my dh volunteered to work a second job, if be concerned about his relationship with his children.

Minipenguin

If your husband is a truck driver then what kind of second job is he getting that makes so much more money than a job you could get? Don't truck drivers make close to minimum wage? I'd think his second job would make comparable money to you working evenings at Target or something.

Andrewsgal

Minipenguin said:

If your husband is a truck driver then what kind of second job is he getting that makes so much more money than a job you could get? Don't truck drivers make close to minimum wage? I'd think his second job would make comparable money to you working evenings at Target or something.

I agree he obviously has no college degree. So it seems like you two are on equal playing feild as far as min wage jobs.

notkateanymore

You know what makes me feel smart? Typing out You vs. U. FFS, I guess it's Friday the 13th after all.

rockyrollgirl

KateMW said:

You know what makes me feel smart? Typing out You vs. U.

FFS, I guess it's Friday the 13th after all.

Oh that's right..it is...

penguingrrl

I call MUD. She started too soon with "u don't know my lyfe."

Louiej

Lol at unity horse...::snort::

but ok OP, really. If you were looking for someone to share experiences with, this isn't the board. The women here are hard working, strong, self respecting mothers and wives/so's. This board is a good place to encourage each other and give reassurance that people are in the same boat as you when you're having a hard day. We also fight/argue, but that's ok too.

the reason you got sassed is because you're bragging about staying in your PJs while your husband works his ass off outside the home. Its not fair for him and your children to miss out on quality time so you can stay home. They need him more than they need you to stay home.