Constantly fighting my 2 year old son to eat and sleep... Advice Please??

softball1603

My 2 year old son refuses to eat much of any supper I cook for him, and then when bedtime comes, he refuses to stay in his toddler bed if I stay in the room/and stay in his room if I leave the room. 

As for supper: I wont cook him anything as a replacement for his supper if he wont eat it.  I even save his plate for him so I can re-heat it and give it back to him later in the evening when he's hungry- but he still wont touch it.  This has been going on for about 1-2 months, and he has gone to bed without supper at least 20 times in that time period.  I've made sure that the daycare and grandparents don't give him snacks after 4- and we eat supper around 6:30.  He also only gets water to drink, except with meals (milk) so he's not filling up on sugar........At least he eats a good lunch and breakfast!

Then bedtime- I TRY to closely follow the same routine every night- with some hiccups sometimes.  But we try to bathe when he needs one, brush his teeth, gets his vitamin, then I let him quietly play with toys for 30 minutes, then stories, then tuck him in.  But the more he learns the routine I'm trying to set- the more fights we have along the way... so overall I'm just getting really frustrated with loosing ground on the supper and bedtime fights that we now have on a daily basis.  And (seperate issue) lately he has been sneaking into our room in the middle of the night and laying between my husband and me- without waking us up.... So I finally do wake up and take him back to his room...only to find him back in our bed when the alarm is going off in the morning- we've never let him sleep with us in the past, but he still sneaks in. 

With working a full time job, 6-bedtime is the only time that I get to spend with him 5 days a week, and I would really like us both to enjoy this time. Does anyone have any advice for us??? Or maybe just a reassuring "it's just a phase" to get me through the night tonight?  lol

blondie42107

I made a picture "list" so ds has a visual of our routine: a bathtub, pajamas, toothbrush and storybook.

We eat dinner, play/activity/family time, bath (every night), pajamas, brush teeth, read a couple stories and then bedtime.

Any time ds starts to fuss we remind him to check his list and ask him what's next.

With meals - I would just make sure you are offering at least some items you know he likes. For example if we have tacos and ds tries but doesn't like them, he still has orange slices, cucumber slices and maybe a greek yogurt if necessary.

I want my children to understand that we eat as a family but I can't expect everyone to love the same things. I also don't want ds to go to bed hungry because that just makes him more cranky.

Good luck - take it one day at a time!

cpmich

Ummm... Hard to judge without being there but it sounds like you have set up a routine of unnecessary battles making food and bedtime about power and control.

My kid won't eat if he is overly hungry. Try letting him snack while you make dinner... Like some fresh vegetables straight off the cutting board.

Does he still nap? What time does he get up from his nap? I strongly suspect that dinner might be too late and bedtime might start too late, giving you an overtired kid that is hard to get to go to bed. If you are asking him to be awake 5 hours or more between end of nap and asleep for the night, it is probably too much. An exhausted kid that spends a good amount of awake time with his parents having challenges might sneak into their bed to peacefully reconnect.

Remember to always parent the kid you have, not the kid you wish you had.

cpmich

My apologies if that came across a little harsh. I know you are just trying to do the best you can. When he is being a challenge, just take a deep breath and think about what you are asking him to do in context. Is he HALT, Hungry Angry Lonely Tired? Is he just being 2 challenging his environment or are you bumping against a fundamental need?

ncbelle

I agree that healthy snacks before dinner and/or an earlier dinner might help a lot.  My kids are BEASTS if they are hungry and tired (that 5-6 hour) - food can make a big difference!

As for bedtime, can you just sit with him while he falls asleep?  It sounds like that for whatever reason, he's having a phase where he needs a little more connection - all kids go through them.  You could use that time to read or do computer time so it's not like you just have to sit in a dark room.  As for the middle of the night snuggles - I never had a problem with it.  Sometimes we all just wake in the night and need a snuggle from someone we love.  FWIW, Callum went through several periods of needing middle of the night snuggles.  Now at 4.5 he voluntarily goes to bed (like asks if he is tired) and sleeps all night no problem.  They all get there

softball1603

Thank you ladies!  Lots to think about and try! 

rlyttle

How old is he? Did you take him out of the crib too soon? As for dinner, I refuse to argue about that & I just stick to what DS likes. Fish sticks, chicken nuggets, pizza, pancakes, salad, sandwich. He will eat any of these with fruits and veggies. I don't even try (I know I should) to feed him other stuff. I figure that he will come around eventually to eating new things. 

wilabeth

I agree and disagree with other posters. Dinner before 6:30 just isn't an option for my family either. If DS eats, he eats. If he doesn't eat after some encouragement, then he doesn't.

As for bedtime, what time is bedtime? My DS requires less sleep than any kid I know. I know I'd be fighting your very same battle if I tried to put him in bed before 8:30. Maybe I'm too loose on bedtime routine, but it's not worth the fight in my opinion. During the week, the main time we get with DS is at night. I don't want to spend it fighting losing battles. I'd try pushing back bedtime a little bit, unless you know he's acting out because he's "too tired."

kimekat

Our DD likes to do the opposite of what you say. For a while she refused to eat her dinner saying she wasn't hungry but the minute she got in bed she would proclaim she was hungry and wanted something to eat. We found that if we said the opposite, she would do what we needed her to do like eat her dinner. I found once she started eating her dinner, she would go to bed when she needed to go to sleep sometimes even insisting she needs to go to bed and if we could sit with her for a little bit. We love asking for hugs and kisses but she loves to say no but if we say the opposite, we get smothered with them. We turn the whole thing into a little game.

sarahns80

Have you tried giving the vitamin in the morning? Vitamins can sometimes give you a burst of energy with all the nutrients so I would give it in the morning. I can't be much help otherwise cause I still rock my 2 year old to sleep and put him in his big boy bed. As far as the eating sometimes I will hand feed my son and give him bites when he's not eating. GL!

CopperT0p

We have some of the same dinner issues, and on weekends with lunch too. 

I don't make him any special meals, he gets what we get, but I do portion it the way that I know won't overwhelm him (he will not touch any meat/fish if he has a huge piece on his plate but will if I give it in half portions). 

I do allow him a small snack when I get home and am cooking dinner, usually a few carrot sticks or cucumber sticks that will he will nurse until dinner time. We usually get home at 5pm, snack at daycare is 3pm, and I usually have dinner on the table by 6pm at the latest. 

If he says he's "all done" without eating much or anything, we let him know that this is the only food he gets tonight, if he wants snack later it will be this same plate.  He will sometimes come back to the table before bed and eat some more off of his plate.  If he finishes the plate and wants something else we'll have some fruit or yogurt as a snack.  

We've held firm on this routine for the last 4-5 months and it took him a month or so to click in that we weren't going to give in to let him have a snack.  We have to be extra vigilant at the grandparent's house because they are quick to offer something else if he won't eat his plate, and they always try to offer treats as soon as he wants to leave the table. 

As far as the bed time, I'm not sure what you can do. DS won't get out of his bed until we open his door, it's bizarre. He knows how to open the door but won't do it unless we're there.  

Good luck.