Please help - 11th night, no sleep

Bubsie1020

This is an SOS.  DD (who is 2 1/2) has not slept more than 4 or 5 fractured hours for the past 10 nights.  She is scared of something, though she can't/won't tell us what it is.  She has her nightlight on, soft music and her bedtime routine (bath, book, bed) has not changed.  And the worst part is it's getting worse, not better.  The first couple of nights we were able to sit with her and after ten or twenty minutes, she'd fall asleep and we'd sneak out.  Last night, it took over an hour to get her to bed (from 8- 9:15) and then she was up from 10:30 till 1:15- straight.  She gets up, screams, runs in our room, etc.  We walk her back, assure her everything is ok, give her fav. stuffed elephant and she tells us to stay.  If we don't stay she's up, if we do stay, it's taking longer and longer for her to get settled and if she hears us move toward the door, it's hysterics again.  We've tried everything, from cuddling her to ignoring the cries, etc.  NOTHING WORKS.  Finally at 1:30, hubby took her into the spare room and slept with her on the bed.  We know this is not the right thing to do, but at this point we are more tired than when she was an infant.  Please tell me your experience, what worked, what didn't because we don't know what to do. 

wilabeth

Are you positive something doesn't hurt? My DS does this when he has an ear infection, often no other symptoms. He'll just cry all night unless we are near and he won't sleep. I think it hurts worse when he's laying down, but he tolerates it if we're nearby comforting him.  Just a thought...

or it could just be a phase. I'm not sure when night terrors start.

kgs0505

Take her to the pedi, maybe she does have an ear infection, or something else.  They can be very painful, especially when laying down.  But it's probably worth a trip just to make sure there isn't a health reason for this episode.

Bubsie1020

That's what we thought too, but she sleeps fine at daycare and in our bed or spare bed with Mommy/Daddy.  I have a call into pediatrician today as well, just to see if it's something physical. 

BelhurstBride

DD went through a sleep regression at 2 and a half. It lasted for the better part of a month and was exhausting, but ended as mysteriously as it began. Our experience was exactly what you're describing. 

mamantraining

It's a common age for sleep regression. I would stick to one way to approach it. Changing up how you respond will only keep her trying to get you to stay. Changing a behavior is not easy work, it takes time. And the minute you go in and sit with her you are back at square one. I would give it a week of consistently putting her back to bed after she is calm Ofcourse if she's screaming. My DS still has sleep struggles from time to time, but I don't let him sleep with us or stay in his room with him because I know it's a hard habit to break. Good luck.

ncbelle

I don't think it's ever the "wrong thing" to snuggle your toddler in the night if that's what she needs.  It's normal that kids go through sleep regressions - and sometimes they need us.  Have you ever had a bad dream and woken up freaked out really wishing someone was there?  Imagine that feeling if you were 2!  Society has unrealistic expectations about what children "should" do.  If you wouldn't leave her alone to scream in fear during the day, why do it at night?

Bubsie1020

Update-  a friend suggested the Super Nanny method, which basically states you tuck your child in as normal, say goodnight, I love you, hugs etc. and leave the room.  If/when they start crying the second time, you go in and simply state it's bedtime, and tuck them back in.  For each time they get out of bed after that, you go back in and bring them back to the bed, but do not engage in conversation.  I walked my daughter back 52 times between 8 and 11pm.  She finally fell asleep- not in her bed, but in the spare room bed (the rooms are connected).  I'm not sure if this is progress or not.  Perhaps something in her room or her bed is freaking her out?    My sister happened to stop by our house in the midst of this circus and said she's never heard anything like it.  I don't know what to do.  I cannot get her to calm down at night, even by my constant presence.  Waiting to hear back from the pediatrician as well. 

cpmich

Put her mattress on the floor of your room and let her sleep in there a while. Maybe in a month see if you can talk up her being a big girl so she is excited to have her own room.

Night terrors and nightmares are common in kids this age and a major trigger is sleep deprivation, so you are stuck in a vicious cycle. She needs to catch up on sleep so she can sleep well again. Be warned she will have them at least the first night on the floor of your room. If she sleepwalks or screams just try to gently rub her back and tell her you love her to calm her without waking her. It won't hurt her to wake but it might scare her, so if you can, just cuddle her in her sleep.

Also be aware that kids can have their eyes open and screaming during a night terror, and they may or may not sit, walk, run, etc while screaming... While their eyes just look kind of vacant. It is a little freaky to observe but they best thing you can do is comfort them in their sleep and get them into a safe bed.

ncbelle

Gia12345 said:

oh no...

Not sure if this was intended in response to my post or not so sorry if not but...I didn't intend to come across as snippy.  Rather I think it really is problematic that we talk about how BAD it is for toddlers to still need their parents in the night.  It's not BAD!  It's normal!  If sleeping with your toddler for a spell helps everyone sleep happily and comfortably, how is that bad or not "the right thing to do"?  Just trying to offer another perspective - if our instinct is to snuggle with kiddo in the night and that solves the problem, why fight it?  Kiddo really and truly is NOT going to want to sleep with mama or daddy forever

cpmich

Agree with ncbelle completely.