Moms of kids with aggressive behaviors — The Bump
Pre-School

Moms of kids with aggressive behaviors

Hello, I have never posted on this board before! My son, who took just turned three in August is exhibiting aggressive behaviors with other kids, mostly pushing and jumping on them from behind and taking them down. I am at a loss of what to do... I have read everything I can get my hands on regarding this and have tried many different discipline techniques, times outs, leaving the place, preventing, making sure he is fed, not tired, etc., playful parenting, sticker charts, etc, and we always end up at the same place. Most of the time the aggressiveness is unprovoked... The victim isn't even doing anything...I don't understand where this behavior is coming from... Anyone have any insight on how you've dealt with and overcame this with your child? On a side note, my son is extremely smart, has an advanced vocabulary, and is an awesome kid... It is social situations with peers that he cannot behave. And he has been involved in social environments, ( Storytime, MyGym, play dates, etc,) since he was a baby. I appreciate any advice!
BFP #1: 11/09; DS born 8/01/10 BFP #2: 10/11/11 EDD: 06/25/12 M/MC 11/23/11 @ 9 weeks, 3 days; BFP#3 3/10/12 EDD 11/23/11 Grow Baby! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Nursing Bras at Nurtured Family

Re: Moms of kids with aggressive behaviors

  • We went through this stage. We left immediately, talked about it, did time outs etc. Honestly the thing that fixed it for us was telling him to introduce himself and ask the other kid if they want to play with him. We didn't try that until about a month in, so I am not sure if it was that or growing maturity, but it worked and he still introduces himself and asks to play.

    FWIW, my kid is also advanced. Sometimes they act older so we forget that we need to teach him the little things... Like how to make friends.
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  • Thanks for your response... We have tried teaching him that and we even role play situations... When I am with him, I constantly have to coach him on how to behave and he still acts out... I am trying to leave him a half hour- to hour at the gym while I work out and the teacher says he cannot keep his hands to himself... I cannot figure out how to to help him...
    BFP #1: 11/09; DS born 8/01/10 BFP #2: 10/11/11 EDD: 06/25/12 M/MC 11/23/11 @ 9 weeks, 3 days; BFP#3 3/10/12 EDD 11/23/11 Grow Baby! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Nursing Bras at Nurtured Family
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  • DS is just getting through this. It was only happening at DC during downtime. We were totally focused on the behavior and talked about it constantly. It ended up being the focus so we just prompted good behavior upon drop off if he had a bad day we talked about it once and moved on. DS' school does at stop light so green good behavior to red bad behavior the goal is stay green. We have been putting a green sticker on DS' hand as the reminder to stay on the green light. He also earns sticker on his behavior chart for green lights along with other things like setting the table, brushing his teeth etc, we asked DS what he should earn a sticker for which we added to his reward chart. Once he earns 20 stickers he chooses a prize from the prize bag ($1 bin stuff from Target). Since the behavior was so bad we also put in place he could earn an extra treat for being on green light at school, like more TV time, going our for ice cream, an extra story at bedtime. We let the teachers know upon drop off with DS so we were all on the same page. It's tough you never want to have the aggressive kid but its a phase. Good luck!
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  • Also praise like crazy any remotely good behavior.
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  • But seriously, my heart goes out to you. When we were in that phase, I had no idea where it came from. My kid had been an incredibly social angel, never exposed to violence... I seriously thought he might become a bully. But it passed and now I have my happy friendly kid back. Good luck!
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  • If I remember correctly, around 3-4 is when boys get a surge of testosterone. My oldest has always been very physical and we had a tough time for a while where he thought tag meant a rough shove (even with kids who didn't know they were playing tag) and randomly trying to wrestle other kids. It took lots of talking, praising the good and trying to find outlets for him to burn off that energy in a positive way. At 4.5 he still has a lot of energy but he's doing better at channeling it.
    Try not to think of what your son is doing as "aggression" and more as rough play. It doesn't sound like his intent is to hurt anyone.
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