Weird Feelings...Real or hormonal?

BeeBee08

I am thankful to be pregnant right now and I wouldn't want to change it.  But...for some reason this pregnancy is bringing back memories and feelings of guilt from my whole life.  It's like I'm trying to convince myself I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve this baby and if DH ever knew how horrible I am, he would leave me and the baby.  DH knows everything from my past, which isn't even that bad, and doesn't care.  I'm talking about rehashing nights in University that I drank too much, times I experimented with different drugs, parties I went to and lied about to my parents, maybe a one-night-stand here or there in university etc.  These are not earth shattering things, but I can't stop replaying them all and making them into huge issues.  To the point where I have cried myself to sleep out of guilt.  Why is this happening?! 

jezebel57

i know i have high expectations of what i think a "mom" should be and i don't meet those so i beat myself up quite often.  your DH obviously still loves you and your baby will too!!!!!  take it easy on yourself- you DO deserve this.  

Roeni

It sounds like I had similar college experiences...and I keep thinking about that, too but more how worried I am that my kids will be as wild as I was and I'm having such anxiety about it!

PhillyJ33

I had similar feelings of guilt when I was diagnosed with infertility- so I understand making all these little things from the past into huge issues now. When the thoughts creep up, I really try and direct my focus on something else or get up and read or get a snack. I am a constant worrier and I create things to worry about and obsess over (even if they were from 15 years ago) especially in the middle of the night! I am sorry you are going through it- it's very hard!
Breathing exercises work too- just focus on anything but those thoughts!

BeeBee08

Thank you for helping me with this.  At least now when I'm having these thoughts, I can think about your responses.  It will help.

PhillyJ33

I hope it's hormonal though and passes! For me, it comes and goes. I haven't noticed if its when I am on high doses meds but probably!

Crystal120410

I get that way sometimes to when I think of bad situations I got myself into when I was younger. Mostly involving lack of parental guidance which led to drugs and bad situations. You just have to remember that each of those situations you are thinking about made you into the person that you are today. All of those things are just part of growing up and not always making the best choice but that's life and how we learned to make the right choice. If your dh is fine with it then you should be too. The past is exactly what it is, the past. You have a wonderful miracle growing in your belly and your going to be an amazing mother to it. No one is perfect and mistakes of the past do not make you who you are of the future.

DoublePortion

I agree with Crystal! Your past does not define you, but it has helped shape you. Word on the street is that guilt is a big part of motherhood. You worry about the example you set for your child, if you're a good enough mother, if your child is happy...and you feel guilty when you don't measure up in your own mind. You will be a wonderful mother and one day when your child is at university you can speak to them from your own experience about the choices they will be facing. ((hugs))

Neffanie

I'm gonna ditto what all the other ladies said, and just throw in my 2 cents of what helped me. I read "birthing from within" it deals with the emotional side of birth and helped me deal with my mental issues I carried with me and felt burdened by. (hugs to you!)

RoseHQ12

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I think we go throught this IF journey thinking of how much we want our precious baby/ies in our arms & no one prepares you for the emotionally baggage that comes with you despite success. Hang in there & know that what you are feeling is normal.

imoverit

Totally normal especially for those who have been through IF. I was thinking about this the other day and came to realize there are so many women out there popping out kids who are on drugs, abusive, in and out of jail, etc and it gives me all the more confidence that we do deserve our babies. Hang in there mama!

auntjessy

Every once in a while I remember/worry/etc. about all the mistakes I made, bad decisions, *especially* sneaking off and marrying my ex (against my mother's wishes, after knowing him for 2 weeks total, and at 19 years old!) and what I went through with him, which is what led to my IF - and then I remember that I'm not the person I used to be, and I speak this out loud:

2 Timothy 1:7 - " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."

***If it keeps up, definitely talk to your doctor - you may have a bit of a hormonal imbalance and there's no reason to sit around depressed if you don't have to be.***

((hugs))