TTM about anxiety disorder

amykins1283

I hardly ever get on here anymore (hard to find time between kids, work, house stuff, and falling into bed as soon as possible at the end of every day), but you guys are kinda my "go-to" board for objective advice because you are all so straight forward and honest.  

DS2 recently went through a bunch of crap with a UTI that was kind of serious.  We knew when he was born that he probably had unresolved, but not severe,  bilateral hydronephrosis, possibly due to a stricture/blockage of the ureters or vesicoureteral reflux.  We knew this could cause UTI's and for the first 5 months of his life we didn't have any issues.  Just recently he ended up getting a UTI that quickly turned into a kidney infection (we believe, because of his extremely high fever of over 104.5 degrees).  He had to get a catheter and blood work at the ER, both of which I had to hold him down for, and received two Rocephin injections there as well as two more at the doctor's office a day later.  He was so sick, it was awful and scary and just really broke my heart.  We were given ten days of oral antibiotics which we finished a few days ago.  The bad part is that there is a fairly good chance that he could suffer another infection since the first infection, plus the hydronephrosis, indicates an anomaly in his urinary tract.  We are scheduled for a renal ultrasound currently and are waiting to hear back about the VCUG test (the AAP recently changed guidelines on this whole subject so the doc is reviewing all the info from his tests before scheduling).   

I know that in all likelihood whatever is wrong with his urinary tract is more than likely not serious and is easily fixable.  But, ever since the whole UTI mess, I feel like I am just waiting for something to happen again.  I am paranoid about checking him to see if he feels warm, always wondering if his diapers smell "funny", and basically driving myself up the wall worrying.  I constantly have the feeling of my stomach being in knots and have recently had trouble sleeping, waking in the middle of the night and being unable to stop worrying or turn off that "sense of dread" feeling.  Logically, I know this isn't good and is unproductive but I literally cannot shut my brain off.

I have had full blown panic attacks a couple of times in the past, once when I was 11 and once when I was 16, and mental illness of different types do run on my mom's side of the family, so it is definitely in the realm of possibility that I could develop an issue at some point.  Could the stress of this whole mess have triggered something and caused me to develop GAD?  How long should I let this go on before I see a doctor?  I feel like if I went somewhere now they wouldn't take me seriously because this has only been going on for a week or so, but it's really out of character for me so I am worried (yay, more to worry about!!).

Thanks for any advice.  

missyishere

I'm really sorry about your DS's health concerns.  Please go see your doctor asap.  It will only do you good to have your medical team know where you are mentally as well as physically.  If you think it's something you need to talk about, your doctor can refer you to a therapist as well.  Good luck and hugs!

wiggyslilsis

I think that you thinking you could need help is a good enough reason to seek help. I have anxiety problems and I know that when my daughter had a fluke seizure episode it amped up my anxiety. I was hyper vigilant and didn't sleep well for a while afterwards. I hope you find out what is going on with your son and it can be fixed soon but I think you should see somebody.

MrsT0514

I'm sorry you and your DS have to deal with all of this. Hopefully all this will get worked out very soon and he's feeling better as quickly as possible. In the meantime, it definitely wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about this. I hope you get some mental relief soon! Hang in there.

amykins1283

Thanks for the advice! I was honestly feeling kind of silly because what happened wasn't "that bad" and I felt like I was just being a wimp. I guess everyone has their own stress threshold. I will talk to someone about it soon.

virgin4lyfe

The worst thing you can do is think you're being "weak" or undermine yourself. I do that too and I had undiagnosed anxiety and digestive issues associated with that for yearsss. You have to accept it. It was really scary for you. He's your baby. It absolutely makes sense that would scare you.

EMOmamma

My son has a multicystic dysplastic kidney (so only 1 functions now). So we've been through the VCUG & he gets u/s at least once per year. Every time he gets a fever I worry about a UTI. Not as anxious as you're describing but it's always in the back of my mind. What I'm saying is that I think it'll always be normal to worry a bit more but yours sounds like maybe too much right now.

nancy30005

@amykins, I tend to drink to help with my issues (yeah, I know y'all) but I am PMing you tomorrow. We sound very familiar and I am so sorry about your babe. 
(((((lotsa hugs))))

try to sleep and I'm sending you virtual sweet dreams.

wino2006

 It's likely you have had GAD since you were a child (given the history of panic attacks), but the severity of your symptoms have waxed and waned. It sounds like the episode with your DS exacerbated those symptoms. I too have GAD. It's awful. It also waxes and wanes for me. When I am stressed about something, my anxiety gets terrible. Last October DD1 was admitted to the PICU overnight with asthma and that threw me over the edge. It was awful and it took a while for my adrenalin to settle down and for my normal coping methods to work for my anxiety. I have had GAD since I was a child, but didn't realize until I learned what anxiety was after working in mental health-I thought all that worry etc was normal. Now in hindsight, I realize the tummy aches I would get in 1st grade math were related to anxiety. I have tried to manage my anxiety with self-talk, distraction, exercise and they help, but feel like I need something more so I am going to talk to my doctor about starting a medication because it is really affecting my sleep. I have been drinking wine to help me fall asleep-so essentially I am self-medicating my anxiety with alcohol-which is bad. It's a slippery slope I don't want to go down so I need a better solution. I hope you get some help. Anxiety is a bitch to deal with. Good luck!

Fairynice

I'm so sorry about what happened with your son. That sounds extremely stressful and it is understandable that you would have anxiety after something like that. It sounds like it is affecting your quality of life though and I agree with previous posters who advised getting help very soon. I don't think any health professional would invalidate your concerns. If you feel that it is affecting you enough to call, then that is probably indication enough to them that you may need treatment.

I've dealt with anxiety and depression since childhood as well and have been putting off seeing a dr for a while since my anxiety will come and go, but after I spent this entire weekend feeling panicked to the point of wanting to go the ER, I have been calling around this morning trying to get in to see a therapist and talk to someone about starting medication.

Good luck to you. I hope that you are able to find relief for your anxiety soon.