unhelpful parents, or expecting too much

google123

Opinions. Am I expecting too much from my parents and being ungrateful spoiler brat, or are they just being selfish and cold people.

I live in the same condo bldg as my folks. I take my twins over to their place a couple of times a week. Mostly I am there with them, but maybe 1x week , I might leave them there for an hour or so, while I run to the grocery store. Again, 99% I am with them observing, and stay with them while at my parents. On occassion (maybe 1x month) ill ask mom to babysit for a Friday night, maybe 7-10 p.m.

Well we bought a house, need to pack, and I want to help dh renovate our new house. Minor things.

Instead of helping out and offering, they simply refuse to help me babysit on the weekend. Their errands are more important. Plus, I'm nearly 7 m pregnant, I need to pack and get ready for the move and they have not offered to look after the kids so I can start doing stuff. My parents have always taken the attitude that 'they have a life too' and their life doesn't revolve around me and the kids. They have never once looked after the kids overnight, because that would just interfere with them 'relaxing' in the weekends. They wake up around noon most weekends. And its not like they have stressful jobs. Even when I was a kid growing up, I woke up on weekends before them, ate cereal watched cartoons before they got up around 11.

Yes they do occassionally watch the kids if I ask, but at this time when we are 2 weeks away from moving I need them.to step up. I know in their minds they must think that the babysitting they do 1x week is so much, but we live in the same goddamn bldg. I just think they are unhelpful, lazy, and think of themselves first before their kid, grandkids.

So I'm stuck lugging my 2 yr old twins to home depot every other day ( which they hate), and I need to cool, plus get groceries with them with me. There are days I'm too exhausted to cook that ive just given them a Mcdonald happy meal for lunch. Dh is working so hard in the house to get it finished before we move in. If it were dh parents, not only would his dad offer dh help, with the house, but his mother would be here cooking, cleaning and helping me with the kids. Unfortunately they live overseas.

backoffunicorn

If they never set the precedent that they would be your built in babysitters, I don't think you can expect them to drop their plans to help.  Why don't you just pay for a babysitter for the day or weekend?

Sure it would be nice if they'd offer to help, but sounds like they aren't going to budge.

CandiP523

I feel your pain but in my situation I have had to accept that I can't expect more from people than they are capable of giving, no matter what their reasons are..

Edit: typo

aessary03

If that's their philosophy on the situation, you can't change them.  I don't think you should expect them to do anything for you.  I think you can ask and if they decline, you have to look at other options.  I do think you're being a little unreasonable.  But that's just me!  I'm sure other ladies will have completely different opinions.

notkateanymore

Are you expecting too much? Yes, from your parents you are. Not from mine or DHs parents, they're super helpful when we need them. All are different though, doesn't sound like yours are helpful at all. I'm sorry about that, but I would just try to get a sitter like PP suggested.

bishesbcrazy

Yeah, I think you're expecting too much.  And it seems like you think that just because they're Grandparents, they should want to babysit your kids when they've made it clear in the past that it's not for them.

babymonster30

My parents were never the super hands on, eager to help type when I was younger, and they are still pretty much the same now. There is no way I would expect them to change.  It sounds like the same goes for your parents.

Sure, it would be nice to have those parents who are eager to babysit, cook meals, help with stuff around the house, but it would be silly of me to expect that from parents who have never been ones to really do those things.

I feel for you, but you can do it on your own! Hang in there. 

KFED103

I would say yes you are expecting too much based on what you already know about their behavior. They aren't going to all of a sudden change.

If they only step up and help when you ask, then just ASK! If you need to work around their "busy" schedule to get some help, then take it

google123

I guess I just have a hard time accepting how indifferent they are to me and the kids. I feel like they are abnormal compared to other parents who are more than willing to help. I'm an only child and these are their only grandkids. To me, that's selfish and cold hearted. This isn't just about the kids, when.ive been sick and needed them, they were not there for me...oh, I had cancer, not a cold fyi. Also when we moved in the bldg they did say, oh we can babysit for you now. So they said it. They are just full of a bunch of shhht

WinterPumpkin

I empathize with your frustration. My parents always used to bring up the fact that "'they have a life too' and their life doesn't revolve around me and the kids." And I'm talking about bringing it up at random times, not when I actually ask them to babysit or anything. They used to do it a lot more when I was pregnant with my first and it hurt my feelings. I NEVER expected them to look after my kid or anything (at that point we lived on different continents!!!), so why keep repeating it? My grandparents helped take care of me very often so their attitude was just weird...

My point being that it hurt my feelings too, and I don't think you are spoiled/expecting too much. My parents' attitude has remained all talk and they have proven to be very helpful and supportive and I am so grateful.

As much as it sucks, not much you can do force them into it though... If you can afford it perhaps look into some baby sitting?

google123

Following up,about 5 yrs ago I had cancer. I went through about a year of treatments. I lived in another country, but they never really acted like it was a big deal at all. They never offered to send money or help, they said 'well you have a husband now, he takes care of you'. If they busy said, how about I send someone to help clean your house, or something like that. All I got was a phone call, how is everything, and that's all. Don't you think that's bad? ???? Obviously lots of deep issues there, but they still live in their own little world.

aessary03

google123 said:

I guess I just have a hard time accepting how indifferent they are to me and the kids. I feel like they are abnormal compared to other parents who are more than willing to help. I'm an only child and these are their only grandkids. To me, that's selfish and cold hearted. This isn't just about the kids, when.ive been sick and needed them, they were not there for me...oh, I had cancer, not a cold fyi. Also when we moved in the bldg they did say, oh we can babysit for you now. So they said it. They are just full of a bunch of shhht

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent or a grandparent.  It sounds like they've let you down and disappointed you .... and I'm sorry for that.  It truly hurts. 

When I was a single mom, my dad made it very clear to me that he wouldn't help me raise my child in any way.  So when I'm in a bind, I don't even ask him.  However, he's a good grandpa and takes her when it's his idea, shows up for all holidays and birthdays, and is really interactive when we visit.  I just can't lean on him for babysitting. 

Do you have any other family in the area that could watch them?  A trusted friend or neighbor?

google123

Thanks for all the opinions. You are all right. They have always been clear whether its been verbal or through actions about their willingness to do anything for anyone but themselves. I should not have expected anything from them, so it's my fault if I get all worked up about it. I envy those with hands on helpful parents.

readyornot12345

I have to say sorry but that sucks. I'm sorry they don't want to help out. You would think that they would be thrilled to spend time with their grand children. I'm sorry they disappointed you. Hopefully they will change or come around. Otherwise you know what to expect even though it sucks.

KFED103

google123 said:

Thanks for all the opinions. You are all right. They have always been clear whether its been verbal or through actions about their willingness to do anything for anyone but themselves. I should not have expected anything from them, so it's my fault if I get all worked up about it. I envy those with hands on helpful parents.

That's the right perspective to take. It does suck though and I'm sorry

Silver lining: you know what kind of grandparent you do NOT want to turn out to be

zou bisou

google123 said:

Opinions. Am I expecting too much from my parents and being ungrateful spoiler brat, or are they just being selfish and cold people. I live in the same condo bldg as my folks. I take my twins over to their place a couple of times a week. Mostly I am there with them, but maybe 1x week , I might leave them there for an hour or so, while I run to the grocery store. Again, 99% I am with them observing, and stay with them while at my parents. On occassion (maybe 1x month) ill ask mom to babysit for a Friday night, maybe 7-10 p.m. Well we bought a house, need to pack, and I want to help dh renovate our new house. Minor things. Instead of helping out and offering, they simply refuse to help me babysit on the weekend. Their errands are more important. Plus, I'm nearly 7 m pregnant, I need to pack and get ready for the move and they have not offered to look after the kids so I can start doing stuff. My parents have always taken the attitude that 'they have a life too' and their life doesn't revolve around me and the kids. They have never once looked after the kids overnight, because that would just interfere with them 'relaxing' in the weekends. They wake up around noon most weekends. And its not like they have stressful jobs. Even when I was a kid growing up, I woke up on weekends before them, ate cereal watched cartoons before they got up around 11. Yes they do occassionally watch the kids if I ask, but at this time when we are 2 weeks away from moving I need them.to step up. I know in their minds they must think that the babysitting they do 1x week is so much, but we live in the same goddamn bldg. I just think they are unhelpful, lazy, and think of themselves first before their kid, grandkids. So I'm stuck lugging my 2 yr old twins to home depot every other day ( which they hate), and I need to cool, plus get groceries with them with me. There are days I'm too exhausted to cook that ive just given them a Mcdonald happy meal for lunch. Dh is working so hard in the house to get it finished before we move in. If it were dh parents, not only would his dad offer dh help, with the house, but his mother would be here cooking, cleaning and helping me with the kids. Unfortunately they live overseas.

I'd be disappointed too.  But the sooner you accept that this is their level of involvement, the better off you'll be.  Don't make plans that hinge on them stepping up.  You'll only be exhausted and sad.  Resolve to be a more involved grandparent when it's your turn.

google123

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

Honestly, and this may sound harsh or cold and uncaring, but.....you are expecting too much. Just because they live in the same building means nothing. You are your kids mother. You are deciding to move. They are your responsibility. If your parents are too busy to watch them, and you don't ask them to take some extra time to help, then find someone else. You can't get in a huff over this. And cancer 5 years ago, I'm sorry it happened, but it has no bearing on this situation now. This is today and today's problem. Find a sitter or you take care of them. You can't expect or assume people to do things for you. Even if they are your parents. That just feels like taking advantage of someone to me. ::shrugs::

Asking them to babysit for a few hours over the weekend sounds like taking 'advantage' to you? The fact that I had cancer 5 yrs ago, and they acted like crappy people, just goes to show their character and selfishness. I'm their only daughter. I don't ask them often to.watch.the kids. 99% of the time I get.no help.or don't ask, but in this time, I was.just expecting more. Taking advantage, no, but you don't sound or look like a smart cookie, so thanks for your opinion.

margaerytyrell

google123 said:

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

Honestly, and this may sound harsh or cold and uncaring, but.....you are expecting too much. Just because they live in the same building means nothing. You are your kids mother. You are deciding to move. They are your responsibility. If your parents are too busy to watch them, and you don't ask them to take some extra time to help, then find someone else. You can't get in a huff over this. And cancer 5 years ago, I'm sorry it happened, but it has no bearing on this situation now. This is today and today's problem. Find a sitter or you take care of them. You can't expect or assume people to do things for you. Even if they are your parents. That just feels like taking advantage of someone to me. ::shrugs::

Asking them to babysit for a few hours over the weekend sounds like taking 'advantage' to you? The fact that I had cancer 5 yrs ago, and they acted like crappy people, just goes to show their character and selfishness. I'm their only daughter. I don't ask them often to.watch.the kids. 99% of the time I get.no help.or don't ask, but in this time, I was.just expecting more. Taking advantage, no, but you don't sound or look like a smart cookie, so thanks for your opinion.

Whoa, that escalated and was not cool. You're the one who asked for opinions so that's what you are getting. Sorry they're not all sunshine and rainbows and agreeing with you.
On that note, yes, you are expecting too much from them.

notkateanymore

Following up,about 5 yrs ago I had cancer. I went through about a year of treatments. I lived in another country, but they never really acted like it was a big deal at all. They never offered to send money or help, they said 'well you have a husband now, he takes care of you'. If they busy said, how about I send someone to help clean your house, or something like that. All I got was a phone call, how is everything, and that's all. Don't you think that's bad? ???? Obviously lots of deep issues there, but they still live in their own little world.

It's not their job to support you. They're right...you have a husband, I assume you work as well. I would be sad there was no visits or help, but why should they have given you $$

zou bisou

google123 said:

Honestly, and this may sound harsh or cold and uncaring, but.....you are expecting too much. Just because they live in the same building means nothing. You are your kids mother. You are deciding to move. They are your responsibility. If your parents are too busy to watch them, and you don't ask them to take some extra time to help, then find someone else. You can't get in a huff over this. And cancer 5 years ago, I'm sorry it happened, but it has no bearing on this situation now. This is today and today's problem. Find a sitter or you take care of them. You can't expect or assume people to do things for you. Even if they are your parents. That just feels like taking advantage of someone to me. ::shrugs::

Asking them to babysit for a few hours over the weekend sounds like taking 'advantage' to you? The fact that I had cancer 5 yrs ago, and they acted like crappy people, just goes to show their character and selfishness. I'm their only daughter. I don't ask them often to.watch.the kids. 99% of the time I get.no help.or don't ask, but in this time, I was.just expecting more. Taking advantage, no, but you don't sound or look like a smart cookie, so thanks for your opinion.

Ok, that's a bit much.  It doesn't sound like we're giving you the feedback you hoped for.  What can we do for you here? If you need sympathy, I can relate.  I had a set of very hands off grandparents myself.  They rarely helped my parents with us a kids and weren't very involved in our lives.  They seemed uncomfortable around us kids even. And my relationship with them was distant as a result.  And they never changed.  But they weren't bad people, they were different.  But we didn't lack love or support because there were other sources of it, friends, neighbors and other relatives.  Building up those relationships goes a long way.

notkateanymore

google123 said:

Honestly, and this may sound harsh or cold and uncaring, but.....you are expecting too much. Just because they live in the same building means nothing. You are your kids mother. You are deciding to move. They are your responsibility. If your parents are too busy to watch them, and you don't ask them to take some extra time to help, then find someone else. You can't get in a huff over this. And cancer 5 years ago, I'm sorry it happened, but it has no bearing on this situation now. This is today and today's problem. Find a sitter or you take care of them. You can't expect or assume people to do things for you. Even if they are your parents. That just feels like taking advantage of someone to me. ::shrugs::

Asking them to babysit for a few hours over the weekend sounds like taking 'advantage' to you? The fact that I had cancer 5 yrs ago, and they acted like crappy people, just goes to show their character and selfishness. I'm their only daughter. I don't ask them often to.watch.the kids. 99% of the time I get.no help.or don't ask, but in this time, I was.just expecting more. Taking advantage, no, but you don't sound or look like a smart cookie, so thanks for your opinion.

Well here's my opinion since you want them...they sound like assholes and now so do you.

WinterPumpkin

I think the expectation is a result of culture, how you were raised, what you see others around you do and most importantly the dynamics of each individual family... To some she may sound entitled, to me her expectations are normal.

For example what's normal for me is for my parents to help out with my kids and for me to practically fully take care of them when they are old. If when they are old I do nothing to help, they wouldn't be spoiled or entitled if they complain about it.

That might not sound right to some people and that's fine, to each their own. As PP you will set your own standards when it comes to what you and your kids expect of each other..

In terms of your parents however, I guess you have to accept things you cannot change...

nofcksgiven

google123 said:

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

Honestly, and this may sound harsh or cold and uncaring, but.....you are expecting too much. Just because they live in the same building means nothing. You are your kids mother. You are deciding to move. They are your responsibility. If your parents are too busy to watch them, and you don't ask them to take some extra time to help, then find someone else. You can't get in a huff over this. And cancer 5 years ago, I'm sorry it happened, but it has no bearing on this situation now. This is today and today's problem. Find a sitter or you take care of them. You can't expect or assume people to do things for you. Even if they are your parents. That just feels like taking advantage of someone to me. ::shrugs::

Asking them to babysit for a few hours over the weekend sounds like taking 'advantage' to you? The fact that I had cancer 5 yrs ago, and they acted like crappy people, just goes to show their character and selfishness. I'm their only daughter. I don't ask them often to.watch.the kids. 99% of the time I get.no help.or don't ask, but in this time, I was.just expecting more. Taking advantage, no, but you don't sound or look like a smart cookie, so thanks for your opinion.

Is that the additude you use when you ask your parents to help?

backoffunicorn

You're just digging a hole now OP. To say someone doesn't sound like a smart cookie on a public Internet forum after you asked for opinions is just stupid!

KFED103

Geez OP, not cool with the smart cookie comment. But I feel like giving you the benefit of the doubt only because this sounds like a super emotional topic for you and it must be really hard to see other grandparents be involved the the way you wish your parents were.

It really sounded like you were starting ti accept the fact that you were expecting too much, so deep breath, and just move on

mkarns

They've already parented their children. It's not their responsibility to help you parent yours. Just being honest. My family lives 30 minutes away and they NEVER help me do anything. Not even babysit for an hour. Not when I was caring for an infant, not when I'm pregnant and chasing a toddler. I don't take it personally...It's just not them. I sympathize with you, because I do get sad when I see my friends who have parents that are really involved with their/their kids lives; BUT it's just not my family. Apparently, it's not yours either. Sorry, girl.

KFED103

Cashingn2 said:

KFED103 said:

Geez OP, not cool with the smart cookie comment. But I feel like giving you the benefit of the doubt only because this sounds like a super emotional topic for you and it must be really hard to see other grandparents be involved the the way you wish your parents were.

It really sounded like you were starting ti accept the fact that you were expecting too much, so deep breath, and just move on

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt except she's said things like that before. She's been hateful on more than one occasion for absolutely no reason. If I felt like going through her old posts, I would lol.

Oh reeeeally? I was unaware of this for some reason. I'm disappointed in myself

backoffunicorn

Also, just out of curiosity, do you ever do anything for them to show your gratitude when they do babysit? For instance, I got my mom an iPad for planning my wedding and throwing me a bridal shower. I got my dad a large gift card for hosting our wedding. It sounds like you just EXPECT them to babysit (you should be grateful when they choose to spend time with you and your LOs and when they do babysit). Even if its as simple as saying thank you a million times...

greenbeanqueen

You sound really selfish. Your parents raised you. You got married,moved out, and got your own life. You chose to have kids so you have to deal with them. Your parents may be being a little unhelpful but that's their choice and you have no right to expect more from them. With the cancer thing, I am sorry you dealt with that but you are not the only one in the world who has dealt with that. They don't have to send you money. My husband had life changing surgery a couple years ago and neither of our parents helped financially. We are grown ups we have to deal ourselves. So do you. So in my opinion you sound like an entitled, spoiled brat. Pay for a babysitter like the average joe..

MEP923

KFED103 said:

Geez OP, not cool with the smart cookie comment. But I feel like giving you the benefit of the doubt only because this sounds like a super emotional topic for you and it must be really hard to see other grandparents be involved the the way you wish your parents were. It really sounded like you were starting ti accept the fact that you were expecting too much, so deep breath, and just move on

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt except she's said things like that before. She's been hateful on more than one occasion for absolutely no reason. If I felt like going through her old posts, I would lol.

Oh reeeeally? I was unaware of this for some reason. I'm disappointed in myself

Yea I'm weary with her because she has done this before. Do you take the same attitude with your parents? That may be why they don't want to help you. I wouldn't want to help someone who was so negative and nasty all time. You've known your whole life that they aren't the type of parents to go overboard so find a different sitter or suck it up. We moved in in December and any time my DH gets a day off we are renovating our house (we are literally gutting and redoing every single room). It sucks but I don't throw my 3 year old with a relative every time. I just watch him. Same thing when I have to do errands. It's life as a parent. If it's too much for you to handle you should have really thought about that before having another. I would very seriously start saving for a part time nanny when you need one or start learning to do stuff with your twins. I know it's hard but it's life.

Also, you owe SSM an apology. For real.

Jenniferomeo

Honestly, my husband and I have great families who would do anything in the world for us so I DID feel bad that you don't have more helpful parents... until you made that unnecessary comment. Now you just sound like a child stomping their feet and throwing a hissy fit because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear. And I'm sorry that you had to deal with cancer and felt alone with that, but I think you pulled that card on us to try and get more pity because you weren't being babied by us.

Jenniferomeo

Yea I'm weary with her because she has done this before. Do you take the same attitude with your parents? That may be why they don't want to help you. I wouldn't want to help someone who was so negative and nasty all time. You've known your whole life that they aren't the type of parents to go overboard so find a different sitter or suck it up. We moved in in December and any time my DH gets a day off we are renovating our house (we are literally gutting and redoing every single room). It sucks but I don't throw my 3 year old with a relative every time. I just watch him. Same thing when I have to do errands. It's life as a parent. If it's too much for you to handle you should have really thought about that before having another. I would very seriously start saving for a part time nanny when you need one or start learning to do stuff with your twins. I know it's hard but it's life.

Also, you owe SSM an apology. For real.

Not cool that you made that comment and ran. I agree that you owe SSM an apology.

amberpro

It sounds like maybe you have a few deeper seated issues with your parents that go beyond babysitting. And definitely harbored resentment.

Your parents are your parents and you can't change them. You can only change yourself and how you feel/react to them. I suggest counseling. And not in a snarky way, but in a I really believe in therapy way.

utlawgirl

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are dredging a whole lot of issues up that have nothing to do with the present. 

Your parents already parented you, and they are not on the hook for parenting your kids, too. If they want to help out (and frankly, by my standards, it sounds like they actually do), then that's great. If not, you cannot expect more than they are willing to give. Grandparents should not be expected to take a pair of 2-year-olds overnight just for funsies. That sounds exhausting. Again, if they offered, great... but it sounds like it's not going to happen. If they want to sleep until noon on the weekends, that's their business, no matter how stressful (or not) their jobs happen to be. I hope I'm able to enjoy that kind of leisure when my kids are grown and gone!

To the present situation, if you need extra help, ask specifically for the help you need. Don't stand around expecting them to "step up." If they can help you in the way you ask, then they will. If not, you need to try to understand that they are grown-ups with their own lives. Is it okay to be disappointed that they don't want to be more involved? Yeah. But that's about your expectations, not about them being bad grandparents.

Also, there was no need to fly off the handle and start calling names. That was not okay. You asked for opinions and got them, and don't think anyone was anything but respectful.

cammyisagirlsname

I don't think that our parents should HAVE to help us do anything with our children. These are our children and not theirs. It is our responsibility to find someone to help us out when we need it. And certainly not the children's grandparents.

I, luckily, have parents that WANT to do this stuff. But some people just don't and that's not a reason to be upset with your mom and dad. I don't think you're asking too much. I just think you know who your parents are so just don't bother asking at all.

lp0

I didn't read though all the responses but I don't think you're asking too much of your parents. Yes it may intrude a bit on their plans for a couple weeks but it's not like you ask them all the time or this is a permanent arrangement. I think it's your job to be there for your children when they need you and your parents sound like selfish people.

Eta- After going back and reading the responses it is clear that you have an attitude problem. Sorry you were sick but expecting them to send you money and bitching they aren't helping you when you live in another country is ridiculous. Maybe your sense of entitlement and bad attitude are the reason they don't want to help you.

camedowncrushing

I think you are expecting too much.  It isn't their job to "step up."  That is your job.  You are the mom.  They already raised you...now it is your job to take care of your children.  If it is too hard for you to take your kids with you to run errands, and pack then you need to make arrangements for a sitter. 

MEP923

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

Honestly, and this may sound harsh or cold and uncaring, but.....you are expecting too much. Just because they live in the same building means nothing. You are your kids mother. You are deciding to move. They are your responsibility. If your parents are too busy to watch them, and you don't ask them to take some extra time to help, then find someone else. You can't get in a huff over this. And cancer 5 years ago, I'm sorry it happened, but it has no bearing on this situation now. This is today and today's problem. Find a sitter or you take care of them. You can't expect or assume people to do things for you. Even if they are your parents. That just feels like taking advantage of someone to me. ::shrugs::

Asking them to babysit for a few hours over the weekend sounds like taking 'advantage' to you? The fact that I had cancer 5 yrs ago, and they acted like crappy people, just goes to show their character and selfishness. I'm their only daughter. I don't ask them often to.watch.the kids. 99% of the time I get.no help.or don't ask, but in this time, I was.just expecting more. Taking advantage, no, but you don't sound or look like a smart cookie, so thanks for your opinion.

Wowsers....I go to lunch and come back to this. STUPID PHONE!! I had an entire response types out and i clicked one wrong spot and it is gone... Guess I'm not smart enough or pretty enough to respond to OP.

Awe. SSM you are smart enough and pretty enough to respond to everyone

Also, how cowardly to make a comment like that and run.

kaiteygrl

So your parents watch your children for at least an hour or so on a weekly basis and you think they are selfish, lazy, and cold???  Yeah I'd say you are out of line.  You feel as thought they should WANT to help you.  Maybe they don't want to, and they sure as shit don't have to.  You're lucky your parents live close by so you can visit with them and you can take advantage by running errands etc.  Some of us have no one close by.  Some of us don't have one or both of our parents still with us.  Maybe you should learn to look at the positives of what they are doing for you and not dwelling on what you want them to be doing for you.

jaembree

I hate to be harsh but I think you are being unreasonable. They didn't decide to have children - you did. And they have already raised theirs so it's their right to want to relax on the weekends, etc. Just my opinion, though.

sporklemotion

PPs have said pretty much what I was thinking, but when you say things like "their errands are more important," and point out that they sleep until noon on weekends and don't have stressful jobs, you sound really dismissive of your parents' lives. Why shouldn't their errands be more important to them than yours? How do you know how tired they are on the weekends? Overall, you seem to suggest that your issues are bigger than theirs, and I can see why they would feel reluctant to drop everything to help you. If you need help watching your twins, hire a sitter. Yeah, it would be nice if they could do it, but they've been clear about it. To some extent, I feel for you when you say you envy people whose parents are chipping in. It's easy to become jealous of those in "better" situations (I do this too, because I will likely have little help with my LO-- my MIL travels a fair amount, my FIL lives 3000 miles away and was basically a deadbeat dad, and my parents are deceased), but I try not to let this overshadow the support I do have-- I have a great DH, which some people don't have. And I can't get upset at the people who can't or won't help.