DH or SO's reaction to pregnancy

csandroo

Just curious all the ups and downs you have experienced with your DH's or SO's during this (or your first) pregnancy? Was it hard to have differing feelings on being pregnant? We have had ups and downs for sure but one thing that makes me sad is before I was pregnant when I would ask SO how his day was he would usually say "grand!" and now he ALWAYS says "Meh." ........ it's starting to drive me nuts because we usually text each other that question every day. It makes me feel like by choosing to keep the baby I took his life full of grand days and made his life full of Meh days. I totally get having ups and downs but I feel like he's overall just never as happy as he was before. What have your fellas said about their feelings and fears of being a Dad???

kschref

DH has a very healthy ego and has always been convinced he will be an amazing father.  I think so too, but I hate to feed his ego quite so much, haha.  That being said, the biggest change I have noticed in DH happened when we found out we were having a boy.  The whole first half of my pregnancy he would say "I really really really hope we have a boy, but I will love a girl just as much."  Ever since we found out it is a boy, he has been much more involved.  He rubs my belly and talks to the baby.  He rubs my feet and helps me with the gardening more.  He has been buying superhero baby onesies online on his own, etc.  I'm really happy that he is so much more excited and that our baby is more of a person to him now that we know the sex and have our name set, but I do wonder if he would really be acting the same if we were having a girl.

csandroo

It sounds like you guys are good communicators @MarBee1214. I think I'm a bit scared to talk to my guy about his negativity because it will be hard to hear him say that he's not as happy as he used to be etc. but it seems like your convo only helped you guys so I might have to be brave and bring it up!

bethughknee

I think I'm the one with more issues. It could be our age difference. I'm 26 and DH is 33. He's also the most calm, rational, and level headed man on the planet. Impossible to live up to. Nearly impossible to emulate for a hot head like I can be sometimes. I'm the one worried about what having a baby will do to our relationship. I'm worried about money. I'm worried about not being mature enough or emotionally stable enough to be a mom. What if I pass on my anxiety issues? I want her to be JUST LIKE DH but the poor thing has half my genes already.

Basically, DH does a lot of soothing. It's less so than in the first 16-18 weeks when I think the constant nausea really didn't help my emotional well-being either. He's mostly worried about physical things. I grew up with babies always in my family, babysitting, helping in the nursery etc at church. He won't even hold our friends' newborns because he's just never been around babies, especially the really tiny ones.

moosebaby2011

My DH has told me that while he's excited about my pregnancy, it won't be fully "real" to him until the baby is actually here. A lot of guys feel that way. It's simply easier for them to bond with baby when they are outside the womb. He does love seeing the baby at u/s and has been going to my OB appointments because he likes to hear the heartbeat. Those experiences are much more tangible, I guess, to him.

ach298

DH has been super excited about this one, but we went through the ups and downs with DS. It was hard for it to be 'real' for him and to connect. Once baby came, he had no trouble bonding though. An open dialogue about how we both were feeling was incredibly important.

goldenB

I don't think DH fully accepted being pregnant until the 7wk ultrasound (I peed on 16sticks prior and it still didn't fully convince us, especially after the heartbreak of our loss). Hearing the baby's heartbeat made it very real for him. He has always been very supportive, especially when I was so sick in the 1st trimester - cooked,cleaned, never complained about anything. He talks to my belly, prays over the baby every night...I love that man.
He's also been a real trooper about my pelvic rest status (kudos to him!) and makes an effort to have date nights. 

As great as he is now, I think he just wants the pregnancy to be over so that he could hold the baby in his arms and finally do the BD with me. haha 

lmills730

DH was on board with trying but when we got pregnant he definitely wasnt all "goo-goo" and excited right away. He's also the kind of guy who doesn't get excited for a big vacation until the night before though, so it didn't surprise me. I'm totally a can't wait, counting down the days type person so it was something I had to come to terms with early on in our relationship. Now that I'm showing and we know the sex, he is little by little showing more and more excitement. We were in a public space with a lot of families the other day and he said something along the lines of "I can't wait to get this little guy out so we can play with him!" Which of course, melted my heart. He will be a great father it just always takes him some time to get used to change, and it's something I know about him and was expecting.

cpm1223

After our loss in January and then becoming pregnant again in April, H has been hesitant to get super excited. He's loved every second of the u/s we have had and I think it's making it more real/exciting for him. The other day I told him that my OB wanted to schedule another u/s because my stomach is measuring a bit ahead (she said not to worry, shorter people usually show faster and get bigger sooner because theres nowhere else for LO to go) but H said "Doesn't a big head mean downs syndrome?!" I had to explain that 1. no it didn't mean that and 2. she didn't say the baby's head was big, but the baby itself was possibly measuring ahead.

We also had a friend come over and he was telling us about how much he and his wife spend on daycare and I think it freaked H out a bit. But they use daycare for about 60 hours/week and we will use it for about 20 hours.

WinsyWade

I found with my husband and our first pregnancy, which was a big surprise (we were not married at that point, just dating), he wasn't very into the baby until much later in my pregnancy.  It took him a long time to accept it. 

He told me later that a baby in-utero is a really hard concept for a man to grasp and that he also had a hard time bonding before DS was born because of that.  I have heard that from other men as well. 

MrsGraham06

DH was definitely more excited with the 1st than he is with this one. This one has now put a "due date" on his project of starting a business. I think once that is running more smoothly, things might change.

He's resigned to the fact that I can't really help out around the house as much (I fall asleep, by the time I'm home from work my ankles are so swollen, bending over too much makes me nauseous or light-headed, etc.). Now that he can feel the baby move (some nights) I think he's starting to get excited again. But he's like what a PP said. He says it doesn't seem real until the baby is born- and then, you can't really do anything with a newborn.

jldubb0626

When I was pregnant with DS, DH was excited and involved, but totally regressed when he was born. It was rough for a few months because he thought the adjustment would be easy for him, then it wasn't, especially since he started a new job right after DS was born. We had a huge blow up fight about it when DS was about 3/4 months old and he finally admitted his feelings and talked to me about it. Once we talked, it got a lot better. Now that DS is more "interactive" and he can really connect and bond with him, DH is such a fantastic father. When this LO comes around, we talked and DH will be on DS duty and leave me with all the newborn responsibilitis, because we now know he's better with the older age than the tiny newborn.

LuGal623

For us, we weren't trying to get pregnant and we weren't preventing either.  So when I realized I might be pregnant I FREAKED out LOL. I panicked and stressed over my DH's reaction since we never really had the "talk" about ok let's make a baby.  Finally 5 days later and no period I kept asking him all day how much he loved me and when we went to bed I laid there and asked, "Would you love me more if I told you I might be pregnant?" His immediate response was, "really?! of course more!".  Once the relief sunk in I told him I bought a box of tests but hadn't taken one yet so we got up and viola the line was there and he just kept kissing me. 

I also don't think it was real for him until we went in for our 12 week scan and he just kept whispering, "Wow" at the images on the screen.  Now that he knows he'll have a son it kicked him into gear to get the nursery ready and point out cute little guy clothes at every store!  But I think for most guys it isn't real for them until they actually SEE the baby at birth. 

Dishylo

We got pg sooner than we thought we would and neither of us expected it when it happened.  I had actually completely forgotten when AF was due and it was only 1.5 days later (drink and cigarette in hand!) that I realized I had missed it.  As I'm regular to within about 1/2 hour, I knew this was big.  When I got the positive - I told DH and his face was shock, smiles and then he said "we're gonna have a baby.  We're gonna have a baby?!" and gave me a big kiss.

I knew it would never be as "real" for him as it is for me.  I'm going through all of the emotions of having something growing inside of me whilst he just sees me a bit nauseous, getting bigger, craving weird foods.  Totally different.  I send him the update of how LO is growing every week so that he knows where we're at and he always replies with a comment to something that he found interesting like "wow, a cantaloupe?!xx".

It's the last two or three weeks that he's started touching my belly a lot more, kissing my belly, talking to the baby etc.  It melts my heart!!!

alinafed

This came at the perfect time - in another post I just mentioned what happened last night. I've been waiting for the 3 or 4 weeks since i felt kicks for DH to be able to (he had felt the odd really faint one) and yesterday he finally felt several in a row right before bed. To me this was a huge moment, but he promptly fell asleep a minute later. I told him this morning I expected more of a reaction and he said hes not an emotional guy but that doesn't mean it wasn't amazing, it was. 

It's also very hard because I know the sex and he doesn't. This was 99% the biggest factor in helping me bond with this baby after our previous loss etc., and I kind of wish he would change his mind and find out so we could both feel like the baby is a real person. He says I have to respect his decision which I know is fair.

He does get excited about random things, says he misses the baby when he's away for the weekend, etc, so I guess I can't really expect more, but it's definitely hard at moments where my expectations aren't met and also because I am the only soul who knows the sex and therefore the name. I guess I just have to expect that as the girl this is more my thing for now and hope that it changes in that delivery room.

csandroo

Loving hearing all the sweet, funny, and hard moments with everyone's SO's It sounds like my guys reaction is pretty normal. When we first found out he was more excited than he is now. But still he has never missed going to an appointment with me, he always has questions for the Doctor there, he always listens to my rambling on about nursery inspiration and baby talk .... I hope our son brings him a lot more joy than he is expecting him to. I feel so sad that he is always just "only okay" now instead of truly happy. Even in days and weeks where we are laughing and having a blast together and it doesn't seem like anything is wrong he STILL answers that he is "just okay" ... I know a lot of that is worrying about finances and change in lifestyle-- but I still feel guilty that he is overall not as happy as he used to be. Only time can tell ... I guess in the meantime I'll be open about communicating with him about it and also try not to take it personally that he isn't as connected to our boy as I am

ashybear

My DH is incredibly excited, but not much of the reality has set in for him yet. He was so busy over the summer (he's a summer camp director, and worked basically 18 hours a day from the beginning of June to the middle of August), that I spent a lot of time reading and bumping and chatting with friends, and so I've had all these half-formed ideas that are hard to bring him "up to speed" with.

Also, our relationship has always been that he does most of the day-to-day chores around the house (He's the dishwasher, laundry doer, etc.), and I'm in charge of the big picture (I do the taxes, make the doctor's appointments, etc.), so when it comes to things like planning the nursery, or making a registry, or scheduling our classes, it's a challenge for me to feel like he's participating in the process, and not just agreeing with what I say. But we talk about this All. The. Time and I do feel like we're on the same page about trying to meet one another where we are.

avb422

My SO was clearly terrified when I took the pregnancy test. We've talked about having kids for a few years, but it's different when it becomes real. The farther along in the pregnancy, and the more pregnant I look, the more affectionate he's become. He's gone from being really quiet about it all, to taking over laundry, a lot of bump-rubbing, and just more general schmoopy-ness.

SunflowersBride

My DH is not outwardly emotional AT ALL.  But, he actually seems really excited about the baby. We were actively trying for a few months, and he sat with me when I took the test.  

I think for us the timing of this baby has been perfect.  We are both 30, have good, stable jobs, savings, etc.  We are past the point where having a baby would put a crimp in our social lives, and most of our friends have kids or will be having kids soon.  When we found out it's a boy, he was thrilled (I think he may already have the poor child signed up for every sport known-to-man in his quest for our son to become a professional athlete).  He will randomly come over to me to put his hands on my stomach to see if the baby is moving, and this past week he sent me an email that Gap Outlet was having a baby clothes blowout clearance sale.  He isn't the best about coming to ultrasounds with me (he keeps saying he would rather make sure he has the time off when the baby is here rather than to come to the ultrasounds) but that's fine.  He came to the 12 week and the 20 week, so he's off the hook for the rest of them  DH is also great with his nieces and nephew, so I think he will really get into it once the baby is here.

pennstated912

We got pregnant my first cycle of BC (mathematically and statistically speaking with all of my conditions - there was like, a 0.00000000025% chance this would happen).

When I told him, he gave me this deer in the headlights look. Totally petrified (I was excited, but feeling the exact same way). However, at the first appointment, when we first heard the HB, his face lot up like a Christmas tree. I will never, ever forget the way he looked at that moment.

We now talk about the baby all the te and what we want to do when he's finally here. So excited!

sarahmarie2

This baby wasn't planned, but he wasn't prevented either. My SO knew I went off BC shortly after we moved in together (which was years ago), and knew that I was making adjustments in my life (going off medications, getting healthier, etc) at the time in order to make for an easier time conceiving. That being said, we'd spoken about having a baby and starting a family, but he had been told by his doctor that it would be difficult so we didn't have much hope.

I was only about a week late when I took a test, but that was really strange for me. I woke him up to tell him, and I was crying in fear (despite this being all I ever wanted, the reality of it was hard to take), and he just looked at me with complete shock. After the initial blow, he became super excited, and although he's been a little less enthused he still comes to all the doctors appointments and gets really excited about sports and jerseys and all that stuff.

He was really hesitant at first, especially about money. Now it seems like I've taken on that worry and he's sort of neglected it. But being that he's older (30 to my 25) and his friends have all already been married with kids for ages, I think he feels like it's sort of time.

juliasmama2010

Honestly, my DH was practically a non-factor while I was pregnant with DD.  I vocalized to him a few times my concerns, and he would make me feel better by reassuring me that he was excited, even though I didn't really feel it.  After DD was born, watch out!  He is a total hands on Dad, me and DD are his whole world and his main priority and I couldn't be more proud of how awesome he is as a Dad.  With that being said, he is acting the same way towards this pregnancy as he did the last one.  He just can't bond with LO the way that I can right now so it's hard for him to feel connected.  I try to tell him things like when baby is kicking me or has hiccups just to make him feel part of the loop, but I know it's not the same.  But I also know with all my heart that, no matter boy or girl, this new LO will also become the center of DH's world along with me and DD.  As PP's have said, it is way harder for Dad to grasp the concept of having a baby when they're not the ones carrying it.  It is also very easy for them to feel all the pressure of money and especially feeling like they won't be as important to you once LO has arrived.  He'll come around, just give him time!

And now that I've ooo'd and aaahhh'd over how sweet DH is to my family, I'm crying.  Stupid pregnancy horomones!!!!

casholmes

DH was so excited when he found out I was pregnant. I'd taken a couple of tests but the lines were so faint we thought they were still negative. When I came in one morning with a positive digital test he just lit up lol. He does all the 'talk to baby' things and he just started feeling kicks last night! He's really excited to be a dad.

tootsscott

My husband didn't want to 'get his hopes up' when we got our first VERY faint positive.. and then 10 +'s later, he believed it and we booked our doctor appointment. We'd been trying to get pregnant for 3 months and he was very excited. 

He's been really great excited wise, though I wish he was more helpful. I still come home from work (almost 2 hours later than MH) wishing that he'd started dinner, but it never happens. He used to be so good at tidying/cleaning the house, now I need to 'nag' him to help because I can't do it all myself because I'm so tired! 

He talks to the babies though, and rubs my belly.. kisses the '3' of us before he goes to work, plays Christmas music, and HE wrote on our chalkboard for 22 weeks, 'Ok, Daddy's getting EXCITED!". I liked that