Baby Shower Etiquette Question

pennstated912

My mom is throwing me a baby shower in December. She knew that I didn't want a surprise shower so she is letting me know where she is in planning. She asked me yesterday if I could start a running list of people I want to invite.

My problem is that my MIL has decided she's throwing me a shower as well. However, she wants it to be a "surprise" shower for me. (Every person she's told about it, has told me she's throwing the shower without prompt since I have been vocal about no surprises - I hate them lol)

I am very appreciative that she is throwing me a second shower if that's what she wants to do, but that makes my list for my mom's shower more complicated (since i don't know who is invited to her shower). I think it is rude to invite people to two separate showers, even if it is by accident.

What would you guys do? Do I tell her that I know about the shower and try to figure it out from there?

nbbride06

I would tell MIL you've heard some rumors and say you didn't want to spoil the surprise, but don't want people to be offended by being invited to two showers.  And mention how appreciative you are that she is being so generous

moosebaby2011

Is there any chance your mom would reach out to your MIL to coordinate things? Not necessarily to throw the shower together, but to at least compare guest lists, etc.

DamnPrecious

I think just leave it up in the air and people can pick one or the other. If people know the second is supposed to be a surprise, I don't think they would think bad of you. I wouldn't.

HullGut

I'd have your mom talk to her too. Just so they are on the same page about everything.

ThankfulSnail

I've been invited to multiple showers for people before and I haven't been offended. But if it's something you're really concerned about, I would try to have your DH scope it out with MIL; otherwise, if that won't work, I like PP's idea of having your mom call MIL to compare guest lists.

alinafed

What if u asked your MIL about invites on that side for your moms shower? Then she might reconsider the surprise like at least tell you

Caitlinm123

moosebaby2011 said:

Is there any chance your mom would reach out to your MIL to coordinate things? Not necessarily to throw the shower together, but to at least compare guest lists, etc.

I think this is a good idea and maybe have your mom mention to her again how much you hate surprises!

Jmattis

I think you should have your mom and MIL talk so there is no overlap. I don't think it will offend people if they are invited to both, but why waste money on stamps, invitations, and inconvience people with having to call the host and say they aren't attending when it can be avoided in advance :-)

miam4

Can they just get together and organize one shower together?

pennstated912

miam4 said:

Can they just get together and organize one shower together?

My mom is reaching out to MIL on Monday to talk. They can't throw the party together because just our combined families (just women) is 43 people. The second shower is basically for MIL's friends and she is throwing it a full month before my mom's (which irks me for an entire new set of reasons).

I'm gonna have my mom reiterate that I don't like surprises, I think. It's not going to matter though because apparently this is about her and not DH and I creating a family. X(

miam4

Oh no... Ok be calm! Remember that she is also happy and that's why she wants to celebrate! I keep repeating that to myself!
Yes make sure you put her in her place! If you don't like surprises, it is your right! She needs to respect it. I am not sure if I would have my mom calling, i guess i would do it myself or ask dh.
I hope you can get out of it fine

sugarland726

pennstated912 said:

Can they just get together and organize one shower together?

My mom is reaching out to MIL on Monday to talk. They can't throw the party together because just our combined families (just women) is 43 people. The second shower is basically for MIL's friends and she is throwing it a full month before my mom's (which irks me for an entire new set of reasons). I'm gonna have my mom reiterate that I don't like surprises, I think. It's not going to matter though because apparently this is about her and not DH and I creating a family. X(

That actually works out well because then you can get the guest list for sure from MIL before your mom's shower. Hope it all works out!