Blended Families
Kmalissa08
member
Intro
Kmalissa08
member
Hi my name is Kelly. I've been lurking on this board for a little while and thought I should introduce myself. I'm not quite sure on all the abbreviations yet. I have a 1 1/2 yo DD. I was not married when I had her. DD's bio father lives in another state and hasn't visited in 9 months. Also, he is not on the birth cert and hasn't established rights or custody. After he cancelled on visiting LO last week for the 3rd time this year I decided not to speak to him at all or allow him contact with DD unless he takes me to court. DD obviously doesn't know who he is anyways. I've been engaged to B for 6 months and am getting married next month. DD calls B daddy and can't remember him ever not being there. B assumes all responsibility for DD. We've spoken to a lawyer and since DD's bio dad hasn't established rights and she is already almost two, we can start the process for B to adopt DD after we're married. He also has a DD of his own. (kind of) He dated BM when SD was just a few months old. SD's own father wasn't around until about a year ago. (she is 5 now) So B practically raised her in every sense. We still get her for a few days every couple of weeks and also financially support her. It just sucks b/c B isn't her bio dad even though he feels like he is & can't get any real custody. BM is a crazy bitch and we never know what she's going to do.
Sorry that was kind of long. I look forward to all the wisdom and advice you ladies have!
K
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro
Every state is different, so I'm assuming because you mentioned a lawyer, you know your rites for adoption and the whole true bio parent obligations as well. Consider all of those legalities but keep a couple of things in mind:
A. What are you going to do when the bio parents rear their ugly heads and want to get to know their child. Do not ignore this legally, or emotionally when it comes to your children.
B. If DH feels he is the true parent of his first "adopted" daughter - then he needs to make it legal or he could lose parental rites. If he doesn't have a CO - he needs one, or BM at anytime could flake and never let him see her again.
C. I was married to a man who lost touch with 2 of his biological children. They are now adults in their 20's. He has a very strained relationship with them and these girls are a little messed up and struggling with a lot of emotions and issues because they were kept from their dad, and they were lied to by so many people. So just keep in mind that there is always a possibility, this will rear it's ugly head again, I assure you. Be honest with your children about who their bio parent is. DO NOT lie to them. If you don't know what to do, seek professional help for advice to guide you and your children thru the tough times.
I wish you luck. You seem level headed, so you'll probably do fine, but just know that this will be a life long struggle that will ebb and flow.
Best of luck to you all.