Early loss, the baby that never was?

Ruralista

I can't help but compare losing this baby to losing my first pregnancy. My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage, at 11 weeks. It was so horrifically shocking - not so much the fact of it happening, but that I just knew, and I was right. We had told people about the baby already. We had to un-tell people. We had to endure all those well intentioned yet awful comments. "It's better it happened early....at least you don't have a baby with problems...." You know. Awful. All around. I was a wreck. For months.

So when I got pregnant this time, we didn't tell a soul. We didn't plan some big reveal - I kept on saying, "Let's wait until 14 weeks, if we make it that far." We didn't do anything really but consider a few names. I didn't let myself get excited. And again, I just felt like it wasn't going to happen. I didn't make the call for a doctor's appointment right away, I waited until the last days of week 4. I watched for spotting and blood constantly, and continued to take my BBT, just waiting for that drop. And then, bam. There it was. Yep. There's the spotting. Knew it.

When the bleeding started I called my doctor's office, hoping to at least be seen to get a blood test. I didn't have any hope of a good outcome, but I needed this baby to be known. But my doctor was out of town, and they agreed that I didn't really need to be seen. I miscarried painlessly at home and took a test today to make sure my levels had dropped. "Not Pregnant" flashed on the digi almost instantly.

I counted today, I knew I was pregnant for 10 days. It seems like nothing. It seems like it "didn't count." Nobody knew, I never saw a doctor. I only bled for two days. My baby just vanished, like he or she was never even there.

lms1981

I'm so sorry. The shortness of your pregnancy doesn't make it any easier. The moment you find out you're pregnant, you're a mom. It's hard no matter what. Hang in there.

JoyfulW&M

Hug, I was struggling with this today. My pregnancy was much longer 11w2d. But found out there was just a sac.
The baby only developed enough to allow the sac etc to keep developing for several weeks before my body realized the baby was long gone.
I had to realize that my baby existed even if only a few days. I was only able to start grieving once I accepted my baby had existed, it wasn't simply an empty sac.

Allyvaughan86

I'm so sorry! I experienced an early loss as well and I still long for my baby! It's heart breaking!!! I found this quote on pinterest and it really helped me! I read it almost daily... It seems to fit my circumstance... We had difficulty conceiving, I only knew I was pregnant a day before I miscarried so I feel like most people don't really acknowledge my loss... I honestly feel like everyone that knows brushed it under the rug like it never happened at all. I struggle with this all the time because that was a real baby, I was really pregnant, and it was a real loss no matter how long I was pregnant or how many people knew. Again, I am so sorry!!!

Neary2011

I am soooooooooooooooo very sorry for your loss, I just recently suffered my 1st. loss a week and 1 day ago and I still can't believe that it happened and right now I am feeling so alone and my emotions are off the charts.

mrsd0930

I can relate.  We had a blighted ovum and I torture myself back and forth whether a baby existed or not since only an empty sac showed a the end.  I can't find peace thinking of it one way or the other.  The sadness though is very, very real.

JourneytoJoy07

I knew for under 30 days for both pregnancies...and I have had such similar thoughts to what you said. The first time I never saw the baby...but this last time I saw the sac, then baby, then heartbeat. I didn't want to get too excited either after my first loss.   And then gone in a flash.   It's just so hard.     It did count, don't tell yourself anything different.   Love to you.  xoxo

bliss611

I lost mine at just shy of 6 weeks. Really only knew I was pregnant for about 12 days before the spotting started. But it was there. It was my surprise baby since we expected IF issues like we had before DS. It was our angel. We nicknamed it so we wouldn't use IT to reefer to the baby. I had dreams it was a girl. 10 days is short but it matters. It's real and it still hurts.

I'm still shattered by it. Less than four weeks out from what would have been my EDD, I've been hurting again over it.

If it helps, talk to someone about it. Not everyone needs to know but close friends who can support you. That makes it real and helps deal with the grief. Yes, you're entitled to that grief - even for 10 days.

((HUGS))