28 week best friend.. Smoking

Shaunamae87

So I just want to get this off my chest. my dearest friend of 18 years and I are pregnant together which is wonderful. It is so nice to go through this with my best friend. I know that it is not my place to medal and that frankly I shouldn't even worry about her and focus on myself but it is hard. I just need to vent about it I think. The title of this post explains it all. She is still smoking at 28wks. I have tried talking to her about this and well whatever I'm saying isn't working. It is a sensitive subject for her so I am non judgmental about it 100% I've let her know I will always love her no matter what choices she makes even if I don't agree with them bla bla. I know that we are all free to make our own choices in life and I know many of us out there have had children after smoking during pregnancies. I know how hard it is because I am a former smoker. I quit smoking as soon as I found out I was pregnant and feel very strongly that we must do the best thing for our health and the health of out unborn children, so I would like to see my friend quit and put her child first. I am really surprised she is pushing her luck because she is already considered high risk. She has a uterine septum. Most woman who have a uterine septum don't have a good track record of great outcomes from what I've read. I wonder if it is possible to get through to her.. Or if I should just give up on it and hope for the best and just be there for a shoulder to cry on as I always am for her. I don't know what I'm expecting to get out of posting all of this. I guess It would just be nice to hear other people's perspectives on this. Thank you in advance ladies.

achadwick19

I would just let her do what she's going to do. You don't want to put a strain on your friendship because of this. I certainly don't agree with smoking while pregnant, but if someone is doing it, it's not really my place to tell them not to. 

I mean, if you're really close with her, you could say something like "I'm kind of worried about you smoking since you're already high risk... have you thought about quitting?" Then just leave it at that. If she wants to discuss it more, then that's up to her. Just kind of express your concern for the baby's health without acting like you're "attacking" her. 

Hope this helps! It makes me so sad when people smoke while pregnant.

CutieBean79

I think you are going about it perfectly. I understand your need to vent though, it is a frustrating situation.

cjelkin

First of all, good for you for quitting. That is really something to be proud of.
I don't really have any advice, but I think it is best that you try and not push too hard, even though I know that must be really hard when you obviously care about her and are seeing her not make the best choices for herself and her baby. There is no point in losing your best friend if she probably isn't going to change anyway. Just make sure she isn't smoking around you or doing anything that makes it harder for you to have quit. 

Shaunamae87

At this point every time I bring it up she says something like, "don't even start." So I at this point... I think maybe I better shut up.

ravenclaw1

honestly, you can say something once, but then you have to let her do what she's going to do

yea, it would piss me off, but you can't be the police on someone's personal decisions like that, unfortunately. I would tell her you can't be around her when she smokes, though

Dee2588

You're a good friend, most people would judge and not care. Kuddos to you for quitting because from what I hear it's hard. I posted something a while ago about my co-worker smoking while pregnant and it drove me nuts I also tried not to judge but I felt bad for the baby. Like previous ladies mentioned though it makes you concerned it's her who has to make the initiative to quit, and if she hasn't after you talked to her there isn't much you can do. I bet it must be hard since she's you're best friend.

dalia1584

I think you handled it very well. You have said your peace and leave it at that. My kid sister is a couple weeks behind me and smokes. I told her how I felt and she flat out told me she wasn't quitting (genius I know) I am however very vocal about her smoking around me. And that unfortunately is the only part of the situation that I can control

msronzio

Edited my post because I just realized this is the poster who always calls us bitches and then suddenly comes back for support.

No support from me! You'll just call me a bitch later anyway.

[-X

beckyandmiles

Woah, that sucks. Sucks for her baby. There's really nothing you can do, it's her choice. I try not to be judgmental, but I can't help it when I see pregnant ladies smoking or parents smoking around their kids. We have enough proof of the harmful effects now and I have little patience for that level of ignorance.

 

I know, I know, I'm a terrible person.

Mama3+1

Its really none of your business. I'd leave her alone or just not be friends with her if its that hard to watch.