I don't expect the grandparents to take the kids. It's nice when they do, but I don't expect it.
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I don't call it babysitting. I call it spending time with their granddaughter. We usually wait until they offer or we're in a bind to ask.
It's not expected, but it's sure nice when it happens.
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You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Our ILs live about 2.5 hours away but we see them pretty often, I think. But because of the distance they don't babysit for things like a night out. What they do help us out with is if I have to travel for work. They're both retired so they'll come here for several days to help out because DH can't do daycare drop offs/pickups because he takes the train to work and the schedules don't sync.
I think it probably depends on the grandparents and their relationship with you and your kid.
My ILs are retired and always asking to have O. My parents are not retired and even if they lived in town, I would still not be asking them to care for O in their "spare time" - they don't have the same kind of relationship with her.
I expect none and I receive none. That worked out well.
I don't expect anything from family except for one thing: To not be fake. Don't pretend that you care and put on a show just to disappoint my children later. I won't stand for it.
Is it nice if grandparents want to be involved and have alone time with the grandchildren? Of course. I don't feel that family is obligated to provide free babysitting though.
I want to clarify that I didn't mean to use the word expect. I expect nothing. I think a reasonable request is one to two times a month, but in reality we've only asked my inlaws like 15 times since DS has been born. But my BIL/SIL ask about...3-4 times a week on average. Never ever less than once a week. Just wondering if that's unreasonable because it seems so to me.
DS is 1DAF
"I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
My parents moved 10 mins away from us to help us out more. My mom comes Friday mornings to help with tr boys while I run errands. She also babysits maybe 1 evening a month.
I don't really ask for help. I have issues with that so I don't ask, my parents don't offer. ILs live halfway across the country. Im close with my mom but dad and I don't get along. I think FIL has held my son more than my dad has (live in the same town).
My SIL gave me a coupon for babysitting for my birthday and iit'll be the first time out with DH since March (which was the only time since he was born). I need to find a babysitter.
My MIL takes care of Oliver every Friday, so if we need someone on the weekend I usually ask my parents. It's not very often though. And it's usually on a Satuday morning when I need to run an errand alone or have something to do with the big kids.
I want to clarify that I didn't mean to use the word expect. I expect nothing. I think a reasonable request is one to two times a month, but in reality we've only asked my inlaws like 15 times since DS has been born. But my BIL/SIL ask about...3-4 times a week on average. Never ever less than once a week. Just wondering if that's unreasonable because it seems so to me.
That seems a bit much to me but is it ok with you parents? My friend's mil wants her kids all the time. I think some grandparents are more into childcare than others.
It's my inlaws. MIL says she doesn't mind, but my FIL and other SIL who lives with them and, thus, gets roped into watching too have grumbled in private about it. I think just because someone says they don't mind, it doesn't mean you should take advantage of that. But wasn't sure if I was unreasonably side eyeing.
DS is 1DAF
"I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
We are very lucky in that H's parents are retired and can baby-sit if we want to have a date night once in awhile. We always ask and let them know they can say no. They never do because they love to take care of DD when we aren't around and spoil her rotten.
I sometimes feel bad because my family can't babysit but it's impossible to change that so I just shower my ILs with thank yous.
Yeah I tend to have guilt issues, which is why we don't ask very often. For the record, I thought your twice this month in the fffc was not unreasonable.
DS is 1DAF
"I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
We usually wait until they ask. If for some reason we have somewhere to go we ask his niece. She is 18 and loves to watch her. She and his sister usually want to keep her overnight if they do it. It is still only once every like 6 months. No one really asks for her. Part of me is sad about that because I remember my Grandma always coming to get us. Or taking us camping for a weekend. They see her a lot,but usually with us there so thley are talking to us while she plays.
ETA: Not sad they don't ask for her because I want to go out, but sad they don't want that time with her.
I don't really expect anything. That being said, my mother watches my son every day for free. She offered it-I never asked her. We have an open dialog with her about it though and am clear that if she wants a break or to stop we will figure it out. My in laws practically beg to babysit. To the point where we come up with reasons for them to babysit for that sole purpose. My MIL wants us to drop him off every saturday for the morning. I still feel guilty imposing on them, though7gh they dont see it that way at all.
I've never met my paternal grandparents and almost never saw my maternal grandpa because he lived in a different state. And my grandma died when I was little. So maybe this colors my view. I feel like Mil and Fil are close to Co parents with how much time the kids are there. That's way foreign to me and not something I'm interested in.
DS is 1DAF
"I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
My MIL watches my son whenever I have an obgyn appointment. She loves the time and will probably be pissed when I don't have to go to the doctor anymore. It's guaranteed time for her.
Like I mentioned in the FFFC, they ask to keep them far more than we ask. To be completely honest though, if DH and I have something that we need a sitter for, they are the first people I ask. Mostly b/c I know they love to spend time with the boys. If none of them could do it for whatever reason, then we either find other arrangements or don't go.
DH and I have a night without the kids at least once a month if not twice or three times. We are extremely blessed.
I don't expect anything from my ILs. They do so much already. They usually offer or we have no other possibly when we ask. It works out to be maybe once every 6 weeks?
When my mother comes over from Germany, I kinda 'expect' her to do some stuff alone with the kids. Since she comes here to 'help me with the kids' in the first place. Now don't get me wrong: my kids, my problem. But if she wants to stay here for 6 weeks to 'help', well...then she better helps. Otherwise I'd prefer a 2 week visit and I'll just deal with everything myself like I do normally.
In fact, having her here right now...yeah, that would be better all around. But, for now, I have to deal With the insanity and will get a nap in exchange.
My SIL expects her parents to watch her kids all the time. They never say no, and they are basically raising my niece and nephew while she goes out with her friends most nights and only works part time. They always offer to take DS as well, and we have taken them up on it a few times.
My parents are the opposite. I had expected them to want to occasionally take DS for a night or the weekend, but they don't. My mom has come right out and said she doesn't want to take him alone because she doesn't think she can handle him. My kid is not a wild child, and I'll admit, I'm disappointed. Not because I need her to take him, but because she doesn't want to.
I'm lucky my MIL is willing to come over at about any moment to help with DD. She also did the same with SD. I don't expect it, and she would never consider any amount of time unreasonable. She cannot get enough of her granddaughters.
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My ILs have never helped with the kids. They live a half an hour away, but we don't see them that often.
My parents both watch the kids when we ask, usually for when I have appointments or if we have school stuff to attend. My mom also watches DD once or twice a month when I volunteer (while DS is in school). We've started asking them to babysit so we can have date nights, but it's only every couple of months. They are happy to do it and love spending time with the kids.
With that said, my mom does watch C from around 1 until I get off work around 5-ish at least 4 days a week.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
My DS isn't babysat by any of his grandparents, just my grandparents- his great granny and pappy. 3-4 days a week while DH and I work. They love spending time with him and we love having him be with family and not having to pay for daycare.
If they didn't want to anymore that would be fine. He's our kid, not theirs. We don't expect it, but we appreciate it more than words can explain.
First we had eachother.5.27.11
Then we had you.6.16.12
Now we have everything.
My parents take DD all the time - they pick her up early from daycare 2-3 times a week so that I have some time to run errands or work out after work, and if we ever are busy or have something to do that would be less than convenient with a toddler in tow, they often offer to watch her. If they go more than a few days without seeing her they freak out! My grandparents were similarly involved with me so while I don't "expect" anything of them I'm not at all surprised. DH's parents are more stand-offish with everything - coming over, anything, not just DD, so they generally wait till they are asked (whereas as my mom will be like "GIVE ME THE KID"), but are always eager to watch her when we do ask, and if we ask them to watch her on a Saturday afternoon they usually say "we'll keep her for the night, you kids have a date night.". I've been a little surprised they weren't more eager/asking to watch her or come see her, especially given how excited they were when I was pregnant, but they just have a different way of interacting with dh than my parents and I do.
SO I think sometimes takes advantage of his mom. However, MIL loves taking her so I don't think it's ahuge deal. FIL and SMIL takes all the grandkids and has a sleepover every other weekend. My Mom and Step Dad are always available as well. We try to keep things even, but MIL has a lot more time on her hands than FIL and my Mom. So she ends up doing a lot more for us, and offers it too. I think she misses having kids and is bored. She isn't working right now so she can focus on finishing her degree.
However, I do not expect anyone to baby sit my kids. If they didn't offer I would never ask.
Re: s/o grandparents babysitting
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
It's not expected, but it's sure nice when it happens.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
My ILs are retired and always asking to have O. My parents are not retired and even if they lived in town, I would still not be asking them to care for O in their "spare time" - they don't have the same kind of relationship with her.
Just depends I guess.
I expect none and I receive none. That worked out well.
I don't expect anything from family except for one thing: To not be fake. Don't pretend that you care and put on a show just to disappoint my children later. I won't stand for it.
Is it nice if grandparents want to be involved and have alone time with the grandchildren? Of course. I don't feel that family is obligated to provide free babysitting though.
"
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My SIL gave me a coupon for babysitting for my birthday and iit'll be the first time out with DH since March (which was the only time since he was born). I need to find a babysitter.
It's my inlaws. MIL says she doesn't mind, but my FIL and other SIL who lives with them and, thus, gets roped into watching too have grumbled in private about it. I think just because someone says they don't mind, it doesn't mean you should take advantage of that. But wasn't sure if I was unreasonably side eyeing.
ETA: Not sad they don't ask for her because I want to go out, but sad they don't want that time with her.
DH and I have a night without the kids at least once a month if not twice or three times. We are extremely blessed.
ILs. They do so much already. They usually offer or we have no other possibly when we ask.
It works out to be maybe once every 6 weeks?
When my mother comes over from Germany, I kinda 'expect' her to do some stuff alone with the kids. Since she comes here to 'help me with the kids' in the first place.
Now don't get me wrong: my kids, my problem. But if she wants to stay here for 6 weeks to 'help', well...then she better helps. Otherwise I'd prefer a 2 week visit and I'll just deal with everything myself like I do normally.
In fact, having her here right now...yeah, that would be better all around. But, for now, I have to deal
With the insanity and will get a nap in exchange.
My SIL expects her parents to watch her kids all the time. They never say no, and they are basically raising my niece and nephew while she goes out with her friends most nights and only works part time. They always offer to take DS as well, and we have taken them up on it a few times.
My parents are the opposite. I had expected them to want to occasionally take DS for a night or the weekend, but they don't. My mom has come right out and said she doesn't want to take him alone because she doesn't think she can handle him. My kid is not a wild child, and I'll admit, I'm disappointed. Not because I need her to take him, but because she doesn't want to.
My parents both watch the kids when we ask, usually for when I have appointments or if we have school stuff to attend. My mom also watches DD once or twice a month when I volunteer (while DS is in school). We've started asking them to babysit so we can have date nights, but it's only every couple of months. They are happy to do it and love spending time with the kids.
As PP said, expected: none.
With that said, my mom does watch C from around 1 until I get off work around 5-ish at least 4 days a week.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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If they didn't want to anymore that would be fine. He's our kid, not theirs. We don't expect it, but we appreciate it more than words can explain.
First we had eachother.5.27.11
Then we had you.6.16.12
Now we have everything.
DH's parents are more stand-offish with everything - coming over, anything, not just DD, so they generally wait till they are asked (whereas as my mom will be like "GIVE ME THE KID"), but are always eager to watch her when we do ask, and if we ask them to watch her on a Saturday afternoon they usually say "we'll keep her for the night, you kids have a date night.". I've been a little surprised they weren't more eager/asking to watch her or come see her, especially given how excited they were when I was pregnant, but they just have a different way of interacting with dh than my parents and I do.
However, I do not expect anyone to baby sit my kids. If they didn't offer I would never ask.