Help: Emotionally fried! — The Bump
Pregnant after IF

Help: Emotionally fried!

I just experienced FET fail #1.
The tears and devastation have not ended.
I am sick with worry. Will this ever work? Why go on??
I want to crawl away and not return....
Did it take a long time for you to bring home your baby? :-(
Me:35,  DH: 39   
TTC since March 2011. All bloodword, SA & HSG are normal.  
8/12: Clomid & TI - BFN 
10/12: Colmid & TI - BFN 
3/13:  Clomid, Trigger & IUI - BFN 
4/13: Gonal F, Trigger & IUI: BFN  
6/13: IVF #1 (1AA blast & 1BB blast) = BFN 
8/13: FET #1= BFN
10/13: FET #2= BFP!!!

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Re: Help: Emotionally fried!

  • It took me 3 years to get this far. I am 22w2d. Hang in there! Sometimes a break from trying to get pregnant can give you a renewed focus!
  • I'm so sorry. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday, and I felt like nothing would ever work. Hang in there!! Hugs!
    TTC #1 since Oct 2009, Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    HSG: Right tube all clear, left tube inconclusive
    3 failed Clomid Cylces
    4/5 lap revealed blocked left tube, but right tube is open
    April/May- 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1= CANCELLED left ovary ovulating
    June 1- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1 = BFN
    June 28- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #2 =BFP!
    7/12 Beta #1= 14 Beta #2= >5 Chemical Pregnancy :(
    July-Nov long break to recover emotionally and financially
    Nov 24- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #3= BFN
    Jan 22- Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI# 4 = CANCELLED no response on right
    IVF #1- Start stims 4/7, ER 4/20, 21R, 14F, 6 frosties, ET 4/25, 2 embryos transferred= BFN :(
    FET #1- June 2012, Lurpon starts 5/27- CANCELLED
    FET #1 take 2- August 2012, delayed until Sept-CANCELLED
    FET #1 take 3- ET 10/11, 2 embryos transferred,= BFFN
    FET #2- Transfer 12/4--Cancelled, no embies survived thaw :(
    Next steps-- IVF #2 with new RE in March
    HOLY SURPRISE BFP 2/15/13!!!! Beta 1- 286, Beta 2- 782, First Ultrasound 2/25- baby in uterus & all looks good!


    BabyFruit Ticker

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  • I know what you are feeling - really only time helps.  I took a lot of breaks in between cycles - did my research and focused on the next cycle.  I never thought it would take me 5 IVFs to find any success - but it did and I am here now.  You can do it - you are stronger than you think you are!
     TTC #1 since 6/09
    Dx: PCOS and MFI
    3 IUIs, 4 IVFs = BFFN
      3rd RE: IVF #5/FET = BFP
    14dp5dt=1170 16dp5dt=2573

    1st u/s=
    TWINS!
    It's a Boy and a Girl!

    Born at 34w3d! 
     

  • I am sorry you have to go through this. It took 3 years many different doctors until we got it right. grieve now but then pick yourself up off the floor and get ready for the next fight. No one said this was going to be easy but it's def worth it.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • I am so sorry, I also remember being in that dark place like it was just yesterday. IF blows. It is so hard and so incredibly unfair. Take your time to grieve, kick and scream. You will be ready to move forward in time but give yourself that time to heal. HUGE HUGS!!
    TTC since June 2011
    DX: DH (30) severe MFI, severely low count & low motility
    Me (32): all clear
    Appt with Urologist 5/21/12: exam, ultrasound, bloodwork all normal.
    Testicular Biopsy with TESE on 6/8/12. good sperm found! (left side only) froze sperm, failed thaw test :(
    Orientation for IVF/ICSI on 6/13/12. Waiting for the green light following biopsy results...results show adequate sperm production both sides.
    2nd SA 6/18/12: sample is "adequate for ICSI"
    Plan: IVF/ICSI July 2012!
    ER: 7/26/12. 15 eggs retrieved, all mature.
    TESE/TESA/aspiration from epididymis, no motile sperm found :(
    froze all eggs, the saga of praying for good sperm continues.
    8/3/12: 2nd opinion from MFI uro on biopsy slides. Suspects "partial late maturation arrest."
    Plan: more SAs, third biopsy/TESE with frozen back-up either from DH or DS.
    SA 8/17/12: Zero sperm
    SA 8/23/12: Zero sperm
    9/26/12: SPERM FOUND! 15 eggs thawed, 12 survived and were ICSI'd, only 3 fertilized normally. Refrozen as embies and will thaw in Nov. Please survive and grow!
    All 3 survived the thaw on 11/15/12!
    FET 11/17/12: transferred 2, one 4B, one 4C. Beta 11/30:BFFN
    moving on to DS
    DIUI#1 2/18/13,50mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta 3/4/13: BFN.
    DIUI#2 3/19/13, 50 mg Clomid cd 3-7, Ovidrel trigger, Beta #1 (14dpiui) 4/2/13: BFP!!!! 150. Beta #2 4/4/13: 420 Beta #3 4/8/13: 2691. Beta #4 4/15/13: 15,086
    1st u/s 4/8/13 shows one gestational sac
    2nd u/s 4/15/13 shows yolk sac, fetal pole and early heartbeat
    3rd u/s 4/25/13: measuring right on track. Heart rate 148 bpm
    A/S 7/22/13: IT'S A BOY!!
    PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome
    [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2qmon5u.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd243/laurakat24/turkeybaster-1.jpg"[/IMG]Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm very sorry. I know that feeling. It did take us a long, long time. I hope your journey is shorter.

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

  • Thank you Girls, your words of encouragement mean SO much to me! Everyone's support keeps me going!
    Good luck with your little nuggets!!!!!!!
    Me:35,  DH: 39   
    TTC since March 2011. All bloodword, SA & HSG are normal.  
    8/12: Clomid & TI - BFN 
    10/12: Colmid & TI - BFN 
    3/13:  Clomid, Trigger & IUI - BFN 
    4/13: Gonal F, Trigger & IUI: BFN  
    6/13: IVF #1 (1AA blast & 1BB blast) = BFN 
    8/13: FET #1= BFN
    10/13: FET #2= BFP!!!

    BabyFruit Ticker  image
  • I know how you're feeling and so sorry you are going through this. We were trying for 3 1/2 years before it finally happened. I remember how much I hated people telling me, "It will happn when you least expect it!". I had just about given up hope after my failed IVF with no eggs to freeze. And of course, when I was at my lowest point, coming to terms with the fact I may never have children, is when I got my BFP from a last ditch IUI! I hope you can find inspiration here and don't lose all faith.
    **TTC since April 2010**
    DH diagnosed with moderate MFI, low everything, me low AMH
    3 IUI's and 1 IVF all BFN's, almost gave up hope
    June 2013- One last IUI for the heck of it... BFP! Complete shock!
    April 2014- Eliana- In Hebrew means The Lord has Answered! Welcome to the world my miracle baby!

    September 2016- Surprise BFP without medical assistance! New Baby due June 2017!
                  
  • I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. It took us three years to be successful. It's emotional and physically draining. After our first cycle we were told to give up and walk away. I'm so glad we didn't. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

    Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.

    IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double :( 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great :)  EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!


     "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."


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