Stay at Home Moms

Transitioning from working full time to being a SAHM...any advice?

I have worked since I was 13 and been at my current job for 10 years.  Due to the cost of daycare for 2 and gas getting to and from work I just wasn't making any money, so, 2 weeks ago I worked my last day at the office and traded in my desk job for life at home with my two boys.

 

I KNOW I will look back on these days and be thankful for them and I an truly grateful that we are able to do this financially, but, I am still struggling.  My 22 month old has been in daycare since he was 8 weeks old, he loves the routine and being with his friends, he was learning so much...and now, its just me.  My 3 month old is still dealing with reflux and colic and screams most days, although our good days are starting to out number our bad, which is nice.

I have managed going out with both of them, but, because we live in the mountains in a rural area we really have to safe kid/toddler parks close by...the snakes are bad here this summer due to the mild winter, so even playing outside worries me.  I DID pack them up and take them down to the barn last week, but DS#2 got too hot in his sling and now has heat rash...I feel like such a failure!!

I think DS#1 is missing his friends and his old routine.  I am missing adult interaction and speaking with people who can complete entire sentences. I have tried to find a mothers day out program or the like in my area and have not had much success.

Any advice on making this transition a bit easier on all of us?  I honestly feel like all I do all day is change diapers, clean up messes, and tell my toddler to stop climbing on things...ugh.

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Re: Transitioning from working full time to being a SAHM...any advice?

  • Think of it like you would a career change. (It is!) There is always an adjustment period when you start a new job, and it's going to take a while for the three of you to get used to each other. Honestly, you have 2u2. That's hard in itself, and then adding snakes? No thanks! Maybe join a gym with childcare, or a moms group.
  • LOL....yes, a friend did say this would be easier if I lived in a nice subdivision with other moms and a playground, etc...but, being able to walk outside and eat fruit right off of the trees and watch black bear roam through the yard is so much better than dealing with a neighbor that wont mow their grass!!

    I have found a moms group about 40 minutes away, may be worth it for once a week or so, Ill give them a call.

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  • Where the heck do you live?
  • North GA, not far from the TN, NC, GA boarder.
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  • Louiej said:
    Think of it like you would a career change. (It is!) There is always an adjustment period when you start a new job, and it's going to take a while for the three of you to get used to each other. Honestly, you have 2u2. That's hard in itself, and then adding snakes? No thanks! Maybe join a gym with childcare, or a moms group.
    Totally agree with PP. It helps to think of it as a new job with new duties and goals. You will go a little crazy though, don't be afraid, embrace it. Eventually it will pass. Or at least seem more normal.
    I found the transition difficult because I have WAY less control of things at home than I ever did when I was working in a corporate cubical world and that was tough. I couldn't micromanage a toddler quite like a could my career. 
    When I first started staying home I made a lot of lists and tried to keep up to date on a white board calender. Crossing things off the list (chores, goals, things I had to remember to do) helped me to see that I was actually doing things other than orbiting around my son. the calender helped, and still does help, to see that there are things coming up. Things I need to manage around. If I find a cool activity or craft that I know will take a chunk of time, I schedule it for a specific day during the week. Then I know that day will be a bit better and less ordinary.
    If it's hard to be around other families due to your location or schedule, use the internet. No, it's not face to face and it's not nearly the same as the adult time a job provides but at least it someplace you can go and just be a regular chick for a bit. You. Can. Do. This! 
    Never feel like you're failing. A lot of being a mom, and for sure a SAHM, is just pushing through. You didn't fail, you just tried something new and realized it wasn't the thing to do. No biggie!
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    gajumper said:

    being able to walk outside and eat fruit right off of the trees and watch black bear roam through the yard

    Sounds beautiful :)
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  • I do love my home in the mountains, but, we are a bit isolated at times!
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  • One of the local churches does have a moms day out, but they require the child to be potty trained, so that's out.  I didn't think of the local library though...maybe they have a readers group or something we could all three attend....

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  • Check out local hospitals for new mom support groups too or meetup.com
  • I haven't sold my horse, he is still very much apart of the family...enjoying an early retirement, sure, but hes still a part of the family.  And no, the H is not much help when it comes to the day to day things, we are very much like ships in the night, he leaves at 4am for work and gets home after 8.

    Our local library has a family story time once a week, so that's a start, not sure how well DS#2 will do, but we will give it a go.  I was also able to find a "pre-school" of sorts that DS#1 could attend if they still have room...its just two days a week from 9-12, but it gets him out of the house and with other kids, so I think he would appreciate that.

    Whoever suggested the calendar is a good idea...keep things trying to run smoothly, or at least have an idea of certain things that NEED to be done so I can work around them...I def do better if I have a plan in mind that's for sure.

     

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  • I sold my horse trailer and my big truck...I had a young girl riding my horse and showing him for me for a month or so, and went to one show to watch, but no, I haven't seen anyone in some time.  The young rider has since returned to school so my horse is taking a vacation.  I myself haven't ridden in well over a month.

    I have pretty much come to the conclusion that that part of my life is on hold for a while.  Horse showing is expensive, heck, lessons are expensive, and, as a one income household now I cant justify spending the money on something like that.  I would still love to be able to spend some alone time at the barn with my horse and friends, but again, I don't see that happening anytime soon.  These kids are now my life, and, I love them to death and will do anything for them, even if that means putting myself aside.  Its no easy, that's for sure and I do harbor resentment for being put in that position...I still feel as if I should be able to get some alone time once a week, or even once ever couple of weeks.

    Anywho...keep the ideas coming...the ones you all have suggested so far have been great!

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  • The best thing that anyone ever told me is to put yourself first. Not if possible, not on Tuesdays, not before 4pm but after 3... Put yourself first. If that means getting up to have coffee before your kids, do it. You said that you will put yourself aside even though you harbor resentment about it...don't! Find a great sitter or mothers helper if your husband isn't available and do something for YOU at least once a week or two. Seriously. You'll be a better mother for it.
  • Check out a co-op preschool, we love ours and its given me a ton of stuff to do and provided some great structure for my daughter.  I make lists and have days of the week that I do stuff on (Mondays=laundry, etc).  I also have one night a week my husband takes my daughter and I go play soccer! 
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  • No, I don't expect his long hours to change, but he does not work weekends.  There are occasional days he will get home early, say before 5, but those are random.

     

     

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  • I would love to, but, he is weird about strange people in the house, and other than our old daycare teacher (who can come a night or so every now and then), I don't already know someone who I trust.  I did find a 2 day a week preschool that my oldest can go to if they still have room, it seems we missed enrollment already.

    Generally during the winter his hours are a bit fewer, he works in construction so most of his job depends on the weather, but yes, he works long hard hours...but then again, so do I!

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  • He doesn't get to not help, work long hours AND have an issue with "strange" people in the house. Sounds like you need to take control of the situation and do what's best for you. You can't give up your job, free time and hobbies just to stay home. It's just not worth it.
  • Well, he would say he doesn't stop me from doing anything horse related and I would say he doesn't help me either.

    Yes, its very one sided, thank you for the ideas, several of them I already have in the works.

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