Freaking out about work...talk me down?

punkyshoester

So, I've worked for my company for almost 6 years. It's a fashion company. I started in NYC in the production dept., but after having Will didn't want to go back to NY. I decided to go back to school to get my Master's in HR. Luckily, we have offices 15 minutes from my house and an HR position opened up. I got the job in April. Since then, it has been one thing after the next with my son. He was dropped on his head at daycare (had to leave early for that), had a mysterious rash, had a urologist appointment (may need a circumcision revision), and now has had a fever for the past 3 days. I think all in all I've missed or had to leave early a bunch of days -- I'd say 5 to 6. I was also sick 3 days with strep throat. I have plenty of time to cover these absences. I also have about 12 days of vacation left. But I'm freaking out that they are thinking "Why the hell did we hire this girl". 

Anyone else go through something like this? I can't get over the feeling that they are thinking I'm irresponsible, or something. My manager has kids and has gone through plenty of stuff like this, so I know she gets it. But my Director is single and doesn't have kids....so her experience is completely different.

Thanks for reading. I feel like I just can't catch a break. I'm dedicated to developing my career, and I don't want these hiccups to impede that. I love my son. LOVE LOVE LOVE. But I also want to be successful, too. 

zyas

I think as long as you have the time to cover your absences, then your director has nothing to complain about. Has she said anything or been hinting at anything lately to get you worried?

punkyshoester

zyas said:

I think as long as you have the time to cover your absences, then your director has nothing to complain about. Has she said anything or been hinting at anything lately to get you worried?

In my 90 day review, they did say that I wasn't taking enough initiative. I had never gotten a bad review prior to that in my previous field, so I was surprised. It is tough though, because I feel like my manager isn't exactly letting me take the wheel on some things. I totally understood their point of view, though, and have made a concerted effort to step up my game. I think I was a little more timid about taking on responsibilities because HR is a new field to me. 

I was more worried about screwing things up then I was about how not stepping up reflected on my abilities.

hokiemama06

You're probably fine, although if you're feeling that way, I'd agree with wheeler and just have a sit down with your boss.  It doesn't have to be some big heavy thing - you could even frame it as wanting feedback on how the adjustments you've been trying to make.  It would show that you took their feedback at your 90 day to heart and are keen to improve and be the best HR professional you can be. 

FWIW, when I was in HR and supervising, I was always impressed when an employee wanted to come talk about their performance prior to review time.  It made me feel like they took the job seriously.  Good luck!

punkyshoester

Thanks everyone - sorry for no responses - it's been a rough day with a feverish but snuggly kid. 

I appreciate the reassurance. I will probably end up discussing it with my boss. My manager did call me and said it was fine and to stop worrying. But, of course, I can't. haha