Vent (sad post) — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Vent (sad post)

This is so hard. I'll be ok one moment then sobbing uncontrollably the next. I know one day I'll have peace and seeing pregnant friends/people won't feel like I've been stabbed in the gut and heart...but that's not today.

Today, I'm broken hearted and deeply mourning the loss of my two babies. I want to scream and sob. I want life to stop so I can just go away. Just go away for a day or two to just cry and pray.

Today I am sad. Today I just need to process through the grief and mourn. I don't want to hear how I need to take care of me. I know what needs to happen with my body. I don't need to hear I should be grateful for what I have - I AM grateful. I know how precious and miraculous life is and we've been extremely blessed...much more than we deserve. I'm extremely grateful...but, am I not allowed to be sad for a minute? I JUST had my second loss yesterday...and the first was just 2.5 short months ago. It's still raw and fresh. One day I'll be able to look at my blessings and not think about the two lives we are missing, but not today.

Today I'm empty. Today I dread seeing my closest friends because I know I'll either burst into tears when I see the sadness and sympathy in their eyes or I'll ache with longing as I see their growing bellies.

Today I'm sad. I may not feel like eating. I may not answer my phone. I'm sore and tired and hurting. I'm not sleeping well because I'm haunted by thoughts and dreams.

I now have two babies in heaven. While I may never know on this side of heaven why He decided to call them home, I know I'll see them one day. This is not where it ends. One day that will give me great comfort and joy.

One day I'll be ok. But not today.

DD 6/17/08, DD 6/9/10, DD 12/15/11
BFP 5/24/13 - Natural MC 6/7/13
BFP 8/13/13 - Natural MC 8/27/13
Ovarian Mass = removal of left ovary & tube 9/13
BFP 4/24/14 - Tubal Pregnancy 5/7/14
Removal of  ruptured right tube 5/8/14
IVF or adoption??

Re: Vent (sad post)

  • Beautiful words. This truly describes what I think a lot if us are feeling. I just told my husband earlier that I didn't think anyone around me truly understood what I was feeling. These discussion postings have really helped me to manage my pain but it is still hard.

  • I'm so sorry for you loss. Scream and sob, it feels good to let it out. We all have those days and moments. Don't hurt yourself more by trying to hold it in. You are allowed to grieve, and you can as long as you want. Don't let other people judge you, they are not in your situation.  Is it possible for you to go away for a day? I recommend turning your phone off, I have now had a few days where I have unplugged, stayed in bed, and (unlike you) ate junk food all day. Don't worry if you don't eat today, you will eat tomorrow...And yes, you are right. One day you will be okay!

    BFP 5.19.13 EDD 1.18.14 M/C at 16 weeks 
    We will hold you in our hearts until we can hold you in our arms in Heaven.
    BFP #2 12.28.14 EDD 8.26.15
    Praying for our rainbow!

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  • I'm so sorry for your losses. This was beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. You have described perfectly what I'm sure the majority of us feel. Everyone grieves so differently and that's ok. Thoughts and prayers headed your way!!!! (((Hugs)))
  • I'm glad you came here to express how you are feeling. I really empathize with this. I've been going back to work and trying to resume my life as normally as I can... That's how I deal with pain, trying to cover it up and bury it deep. Coming on here reminds me it's okay to feel as sad as I feel. Praying for peace for you.
    September Siggy Challenge

    Married 10/16/2010  || TTC since 06/13
    BFP July 15, 2013; EDD April 5th, 2014 
    MMC; D&C August 21 || currently TTA

  • Very well spoken. I'm disappointed when everyone tries to be so cheerful and I just want to be sad too and let my emotions go through what I need to. How can We process everything we're goin through if we don't take the time to grieve feel sad and everything else? I completely agree with you.
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