advice welcomed...

x0cait0x

Hi everyone,

so I've had some life changes recently and my life isn't on the track I had once planed on, I ended up leaving my husband because he had a cheating problem and I didn't see an end to it in the future so I made the choice for my mental and physical health to leave him. 

I know in my heart of hearts that I need to become a mother to make my life complete, I had held off having children with my husband because I had my suspicions about what he was doing and I didn't want to bring a child into a marriage that wasn't in a good situation and then have them have to go through a divorce and so on. 

Since leaving him I have been thinking, that I would perhaps have a child on my own. I mean I work and make my own money always have.  I know it would be hard, but its something I think I would be up for, its not a decision I am taking on lightly I am looking for advice from other single moms on what it is like to actually be a single mom. Since I'm not currently one I cant say I know what its really like.

Your point of view would be greatly appreciated, 

thanks 

24karat

I'm sure there are some single parents here, but you may want to check out the single parents board. You'll probably get more specific answers there.

Parenting is hard work. Take your time making this decision, especially if (as it seems) the split was recent. Best wishes.

FemShep

I'm not sure when you got divorced, but congratulations on having the bravery to leave a bad situation and stand up for yourself.  That takes guts.

My mom was a single mom, and I have so much more sympathy for her now.  I was married, got divorced with a 4yo (shared custody), got remarried, and had DD2 at 39.  I share this for a few reasons.  First, being a single parent, even if you have family available and the child is older and doesn't need the attention an infant does, is really really hard.  There are never any breaks.  Moms don't get sick days.  You're pretty much exhausted all the time-both physically and emotionally.  In some ways, money is the easiest part of being a single parent if you make a reasonable income.  A friend, who came over for dinner one night when it was a constant stream (DD woke up calling for me, boss called, etc), summed it up best: "Someone always wants a piece of you."

Obviously, the experience didn't scare me off of kids entirely!  But having another baby, as well as an amazingly supportive husband and super-helpful older child, was a good reminder of the incredible amount of work babies and toddlers are.  DD1 is also work, although of a different kind-less time-intensive, more emotion-intensive.  Ah, the tweens!

You didn't mention whether you have family nearby who can help, even if it's just to give you a break occasionally or pitch in when you're sick, or your age, or your income.  I'd only recommend considering being a single parent if you make enough money to comfortably afford the basics plus additional help (babysitter every now and then, housekeeping, daycare, etc), if you have a great support system nearby (family and/or very close friends), and if you're 37+ (and can't afford to take a few years to see if you find the right person).

Twinkie0612

I don't see a problem with choosing to be a single parent.  If I had not found DH, it is a choice that I think I would have made for myself.  I would just sit down and look really hard at your financial situation and support system, make sure you have everything in place to care for a child.  I would also start saving money.  I have no experience with donor sperm, but I can tell you that IF treatments (IUIs and if they don't work IVF) can get really expensive.