I may have offended people...

JayandEmm

And I don't give a shit, but DH does. I only invited the people closest to W to his party (this afternoon; 17 people) because if I didn't it would end up huge and costing us an arm and a leg and stressing W out. I told my parents and MIL to keep it on the DL about his party and if someone asks, just tell them we did something small at home with grandparents. Guess who blabbed?Yep. MIL. She told quite a few family members of her H's (they're Mexican, so there's at least 50 of them) and they are really upset that they didn't get an invite. Most of them do not speak English so we don't see them often because of language barrier (DH is Mexican, but he doesn't speak Spanish). They've met W once, why would I invite them? H is stressing now because he thinks his Mexican family doesn't like him, and is going on and on about how next year we need to invite them all. MIL also told her brother and her neices and newphews and their family, and they were a little ticked too. If I were to invite ALL of those
people, it would end up being close to 80 people (50 of them being H's Mexican family). It's not a freaking wedding! I'm not rich and I can't feed 80 people! GTF over it.

Rhomonk

Welcome to the Hispanic culture.   This is why I did a destination wedding.  

Cbarajas08

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's kind of offending to make such a big deal of them being Mexican. I am happy to have my big Mexican family to support Isa and my family. DHs Mexican family isn't as involved. I would embrace it.

JayandEmm

Cbarajas08 said:

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's kind of offending to make such a big deal of them being Mexican. I am happy to have my big Mexican family to support Isa and my family. DHs Mexican family isn't as involved. I would embrace it.

I didn't make a big deal out of them being Mexican. H is half, so he has Mexican family and white. His Mexican family are the ones that threw a huge fit that they weren't invited. We also didn't invite his white family either. If people want to come to birthday parties then they better get to know W a little more. The only family we invited were my parents, my meemaw, MIL and her sister. No one else makes it a point to see or even ask about W. They are strangers to him.

Mrs. Rohde

Rhomonk said:

Welcome to the Hispanic culture.   This is why I did a destination wedding.  

Yup. It's obnoxious but that's just how it is (at least with my family and we are Peruvian). Everyone is involved. However, I did it like you did and didn't invite everyone to Ollie's party because like you I didn't want to have the whole world over especially because they aren't very involved. And I have this thing (weird as it may be) that if you don't have a kid you have no reason to be at a kids party. Period.
The only family that I invited to the party were my sister and neice who we see quite often and my bro and sis in law (who weren't able to make it anyway).
My mom, sis, bro and grandparents came to have dinner and cake with us on his actual bday. No party just us.

To your H I say tough shit. If they want to be a part of W's special day then they should have tried to have been a part of his life.
I hope you have a great party!

lady_tytah

There were o offended about Amir's bday too. We only invited immediate family. None if the great aunts and what not. That would have went towards 30+. I completely understand your sentiment. They'll just need to make a better effort to be a post of his everyday/weekly life.

lynde129

DH's family is the same way.  Although I am much luckier then SIL (Im the 2nd time around)... I made it very clear with our wedding that it would not be a huge "invite everyone you say is family but really not", and I have not really had any issues with any of DS celebrations b/c of that.  I like things small and intimate with just immediate family.  If you don't know my sons name or my name then why are you at his party??

zbeesma86

we had this same issue when DD turned one at the beginning of the month- I got emails from family asking what we were doing and I said something small (which it was! DH, DD, me, my parents, (DH's are passed), my sister and her fiance, and a couple play date friends) THAT WAS IT!

I took a lot of pictures and sent one of her with her smash cake and birthday hat on to all the other family members talking about her birthday and thanking the ones that sent cards and gifts.

Don't stress it mama- keep it simple and enjoy the day!

CourtneyEeps

Ugh. Mine and DH's families are both like this.

We even invited aunts and uncles, cousins, etc but it still wasn't enough. Apparently we needed to have everyone and their mother (literally) which would've totalled over 75 people. We have neither the venue or budget to throw a party that big, unfortunately.

latnprincess

Leave it your freaking Mexican mother in law... My mom is Mexican and she can't hold water.  Not sure if its a cultural thing, but they love gossip.  Anyway, I feel you on the can't invite the whole world, we're not rich thing!  People just don't seem to understand that!  If Dh's family doesn't like you over one birthday party, then they need to just get over it cause that is dumb.  

Manda-Kay

If your MIL wants them there next year, I'd make her pay for them. 

vic8504

We are doing a big party this year. About 60 people and rented a room somewhere because I did not want them all at my house.... But after this, at least until she is 16, I just plan on immediate family. I know this will end up making MIL mad but oh well. She can throw a party for DD if she wants her entire family to be there.

rMe6411

I completely understand where you are coming from... we are Italian. We had a huge party this year with around 60 people (which we had PLENTY still offended they weren't invited. IT IS NOT A FREAKING WEDDING!) but next year and years after will be strictly for the kids and we will invite immediate family and family/friends with kids.... but that will likely still be so many. Sigh. 

fastcarsandfreedom3319

I so know what you mean! That's why on our vaca last week and for T's birthday, I did not tell everyone that we were going to be there (which is a cross country trip that only happens 1-2x a year at most) because every other time we go, it is a miserable time of running from one person to another, or night after night of "open house" parties where everyone shows up. The only people at T's party were grandparents from both sides, aunts and husbands/boyfriends, my niece, my grandmother, and my closest aunt.  These are the only people who talk to us regularly and ask about T. The rest of our families I just see on facebook.  And the house still felt full, and everyone got quality time with him. So much better than a big to-do in my opinion. You're doing what's right for your family, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

rainedrops117

I feel you... There are many cultures that same way. We're having a huge party (again...the culture thing) BUT we have Godparents, grandparents, aunts and uncles all helping out. It wouldn't have went down if they all weren't.

rp-chicago-mom

Cbarajas08 said:

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's kind of offending to make such a big deal of them being Mexican. I am happy to have my big Mexican family to support Isa and my family. DHs Mexican family isn't as involved. I would embrace it.

I didn't get the impression she said anything offensive. If she thinks 80 people is too many, it's too many. H's Irish family are the same and it is frustrating when it's not what you're used to. Sorry, H's family, but I spent $$ on Howell's 25 person party and see no point in inviting second and third cousins he's never met. I would be irritated if I were invited to a first birthday of a kid I didn't know on a personal level and wouldn't go. 80 people for a one year old seems ridiculous to me. We had that many for my wedding.

rainedrops117

Baker_Bride said:

Cbarajas08 said:

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's kind of offending to make such a big deal of them being Mexican. I am happy to have my big Mexican family to support Isa and my family. DHs Mexican family isn't as involved. I would embrace it.

I didn't get the impression she said anything offensive. If she thinks 80 people is too many, it's too many. H's Irish family are the same and it is frustrating when it's not what you're used to. Sorry, H's family, but I spent $$ on Howell's 25 person party and see no point in inviting second and third cousins he's never met. I would be irritated if I were invited to a first birthday of a kid I didn't know on a personal level and wouldn't go. 80 people for a one year old seems ridiculous to me. We had that many for my wedding.

@Cbarajas08 I don't think she was targeting Mexicans but more so the "expectations" of others she's not close to. Which i totally get esp on a budget.

@Baker_Bride Again to each their own. For some of us 80 ppl at a 1 yr old party is nothing, especially if culturally its tradition. (Ive been to a few first bday luau's with almost 250+ guests). Too many? Perhaps. Again it's what you're used to. Case in point, a sweet 16 yr old birthday bash wouldn't necessarily be over the top to have 80 guests, but in some cultures that's considered "ridiculous." I don't get the whole "inviting ppl they've never met" - at 1 yr they hardly remember much anyway. To me It's a time to get together with ppl that mean something to you, close or distant, and perhaps even make babys first meet in some cases. Now whether i can afford it, thats another story. But that's just me...

rp-chicago-mom

Island_Breezie said:

Baker_Bride said:

Cbarajas08 said:

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's kind of offending to make such a big deal of them being Mexican. I am happy to have my big Mexican family to support Isa and my family. DHs Mexican family isn't as involved. I would embrace it.

I didn't get the impression she said anything offensive. If she thinks 80 people is too many, it's too many. H's Irish family are the same and it is frustrating when it's not what you're used to. Sorry, H's family, but I spent $$ on Howell's 25 person party and see no point in inviting second and third cousins he's never met. I would be irritated if I were invited to a first birthday of a kid I didn't know on a personal level and wouldn't go. 80 people for a one year old seems ridiculous to me. We had that many for my wedding.

@Cbarajas08 I don't think she was targeting Mexicans but more so the "expectations" of others she's not close to. Which i totally get esp on a budget.

@Baker_Bride Again to each their own. For some of us 80 ppl at a 1 yr old party is nothing, especially if culturally its tradition. (Ive been to a few first bday luau's with almost 250+ guests). Too many? Perhaps. Again it's what you're used to. Case in point, a sweet 16 yr old birthday bash wouldn't necessarily be over the top to have 80 guests, but in some cultures that's considered "ridiculous." I don't get the whole "inviting ppl they've never met" - at 1 yr they hardly remember much anyway. To me It's a time to get together with ppl that mean something to you, close or distant, and perhaps even make babys first meet in some cases. Now whether i can afford it, thats another story. But that's just me...

That's why I specified "to me." It is absolutely not my preference but it is fine if it is someone else's since that is the nature of free will. No need to be offended if someone has a different norm. I personally just hate large gatherings in general. That's probably more about me being an introvert than the fact that I'm Swedish and Hungarian. It may be culturally someone else's norm but I was agreeing with the OP that it's not my norm and it's ok not to want to fully embrace it. People are who they are.

JayandEmm

Baker_Bride said:

Island_Breezie said:

Baker_Bride said:

Cbarajas08 said:

Maybe it's just me, but I think it's kind of offending to make such a big deal of them being Mexican. I am happy to have my big Mexican family to support Isa and my family. DHs Mexican family isn't as involved. I would embrace it.

I didn't get the impression she said anything offensive. If she thinks 80 people is too many, it's too many. H's Irish family are the same and it is frustrating when it's not what you're used to. Sorry, H's family, but I spent $$ on Howell's 25 person party and see no point in inviting second and third cousins he's never met. I would be irritated if I were invited to a first birthday of a kid I didn't know on a personal level and wouldn't go. 80 people for a one year old seems ridiculous to me. We had that many for my wedding.

@Cbarajas08 I don't think she was targeting Mexicans but more so the "expectations" of others she's not close to. Which i totally get esp on a budget.

@Baker_Bride Again to each their own. For some of us 80 ppl at a 1 yr old party is nothing, especially if culturally its tradition. (Ive been to a few first bday luau's with almost 250+ guests). Too many? Perhaps. Again it's what you're used to. Case in point, a sweet 16 yr old birthday bash wouldn't necessarily be over the top to have 80 guests, but in some cultures that's considered "ridiculous." I don't get the whole "inviting ppl they've never met" - at 1 yr they hardly remember much anyway. To me It's a time to get together with ppl that mean something to you, close or distant, and perhaps even make babys first meet in some cases. Now whether i can afford it, thats another story. But that's just me...

If they want to congregate with ds, they can do so at holiday get togethers, not his birthday. That day was about him, not them.

I get the culture thing, but I'm not used to it. All of my birthdays as a kid was just family and close friends. H's first birthday was a gigantic birthday bash with 200+ people; and his mother still regrets having that many people. She said H was miserable, and she wanted something small, but her H threw a fit and said no.