Any other birth parents out there?

I am 19 weeks pregnant and putting my baby up for adoption, I know this is a forum for adoptive parents, but I can't find one for birth parents ANYWHERE out there and could really use a support system. I just contacted the adoption agency today and have so many fears and concerns. I am 100% sure about adoption, but there aren't many agencies in the state and this one seemed really great to me. The counselor is too busy to take on another person so I'll be going through the director, who was nice but not the warm and fuzzy I guess I was hoping for. She answered a lot of my questions but seemed to get super sketched out when I asked about assistance with living expenses. I feel guilty enough as it is, and I don't want it to seem like I'm selling my baby. I quit my job to nanny for the baby's health because my work was crazy stressful and hours insane (I got to work at 7:30 a lot of mornings and got off at 10 some nights) so financially I am in big trouble and falling behind on basic bills. I have a roommate, have no excess bills like cable, and budget like a maniac. I simply would like help making ends meet until I can get a real job again. I am also stressed because my baby will be bi-racial and I know that most adoptive parents want a caucasian baby. It's important to me to find a GREAT home for my perfect baby and not settle because of his or her race.  Her response was once again what seemed like shock at my statement and something about how there are some families out there who wouldn't mind.

Sorry to vent so much! I have no one to talk to and need to get things out. I also would like to know if I am in the minority or wrong for my questions. I of course had a million others before that but she seemed quit put off by those. Also, anyone know of an active forum for pregnant women giving up their child?

Thanks in advance!

Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu

Re: Any other birth parents out there?

  • I don't know of a specific forum, but I'm sorry you got the response you did. My husband and I are wishing and hoping for a biracial baby-- so please don't feel like yours is lesser. There are lots of great couples looking to love a baby just like yours. It sounds like that agency isn't the greatest fit for you, and I think it's really important that you find a place that makes you feel comfortable. The things you are asking for help with are not unreasonable, and quite often are very much a part of the process and expense for agencies and adoptive parents. 

    Have you thought of contacting a social worker at a nearby hospital? Perhaps they will have some information about agencies that have been used by women in the past there?
  • I haven't thought about that before but I will certainly look into it now! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement! I feel like she didn't mean to come across that way, but I really should be going through a counselor, not a director. I was looking and parent profiles to considering going without an agency but that was discouraging because I want my baby placed with a Christian religion and OK with my baby's race, but I didn't see many profiles with those requirements.  Besides that I only care about it being a loving, stable, family. Are there other sites to find adoptive parents?
    Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

    A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu

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  • @CarolinaGirl2014 there are many many many people who would love for you to place your child with them. 

    Two support sites for expectant and birth mom's I know of are and  I am not a birth mother, so I don't know how useful these sites are, but they pop up in a google search.

    This is also a link to the open adoption blogroll- specifically to parents who have placed a child for adoption:  some of the blogs are private or not active, but many of them are pretty great.

    Depending on what state you are in, there are different allowances for living expenses for expectant families. Generally, those are allowed in the last trimester and for one month or so post-birth; however an agency can help you figure that all out.

    There are other birth mothers on this forum -hopefully they will come say hello!

    There is also an agency in California that works specifically in placing children of color- it might be helpful for you if you are concerned that you will struggle to find the perfect home for your biracial child.

    Best of luck in all of your decisions.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm sorry you are going through a difficult situation. It sounds like you've gotten some good advice and I hope you can get the help and support that you need. My husband and I are considering adoption and if we choose to proceed we are also happily open to a biracial baby. Don't lose hope.

    Started TTC July 2012. Missed m/c & d&c 9/12 11w. Natural m/c 1/13 6w. Chemical pgs 3/13 & 8/13 around 4w. Currently TTA while saving for adoption.

    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -Helen Keller
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  • Welcome! The ladies before me posted great info for you. I wanted to touch on the fact of a asking questions..... You need to feel comfortable when asking questions and always feel like you are getting a heartfelt genuine answers. Yes you should be working with a social worker who works on the counseling end. You are entitled to those services! I would highly suggest calling the agencies in your state to see what they can do. My husband and I chose our agency when wanting to adopt because of their true care and concern for expectant moms... They travel throughout the state to go to moms. They put your needs over their own! And to give you some calming idea on transracial adoption... Out of 7 families that attended a per adoptive class this past Monday, all 7 are open to adopting transracially! Hang in there! There are a few other moms around here and hopefully they can give you some support!
    Began the Adoption process 4/2013
    Home study Approved 12/2013
    .... and the wait begins! 

  • I just happened upon this post. I also am a birthmother -- my bio daughter is now 7.5 years old. I had the most wonderful adoption experience I could ever imagine; I talk with the parents all the time! (We have an open adoption, which I can't say enough wonderful things about -- for ALL of us!) I placed through my local Catholic Charities at the time and had a great experience. But I, too, was nervous, because I didn't find the right fit for a family until I was about 7.5 months pregnant! Everything will work out well for you too! <3

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image
    Unplanned pregnancy July 2005; EDD 3/27/06; birthdaughter born 3/15/06 (38w2d) (placed for adoption).
    TTC since December 2012, BFP 6/25/13. EDD 3/2/14. Baby Elias born 2/21/14 (38w5d)!
  • Thank you everyone for the kind words- it has truly eased my mind. And thank you for the website suggestions- the ones I found had very few users or ended up being anti-adoption propaganda.  Thank you for not getting mad at me for imposing on your forum- it's been encouraging to see a sort of behind the scene look at the type of families out there looking to adopt, not just the polished letters and albums in the websites. You all are amazing and I hope your babies find you very soon!
    Birthmom to A, 1/8- the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

    A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Lao-Tzu

  • Good Luck in your search for a great adoptive family.  My husband and I are also open to adopting all races as are most in my class.   :-)  Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing.  I would still look for other Agencies..possibly contact National Agencies like Bethany Christian or Catholic Charities.  There are some great Christian Agencies out there that will help with living expenses.  I also really like the idea of talking to hospital social workers because I bet they have a ton of contacts in the community.  Know you are not imposing on the forum but are a part of it.  Best of luck to you!! 
    Live like there is no tomorrow..Love like you have never been hurt...
  • IRRIRR member
    BTW, welcome to our board, this board is for all members of the triad, including Birthmom's, Adoptees and PAP's/AP's, so feel free to post at any time about anything adoption related.  We do have several birthmom's on this board as well as members that represent all three "legs" of the triad.

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15

    CarolinaGirl2014[Deleted User]
  • I am a birth mom! :) if you need any help at all please let me know! I have found it so much better to talk to people that have similar experiences and to hear other people's stories. :) I know that this will be and is one of the best, hardest, most amazing things that you will ever experience. Good luck and let me know what I can do to help!
    CarolinaGirl2014[Deleted User]
  • My husband and I adopted a biracial baby, she is the love of our life! 
    Domestic Adoption-Activated January 29th, 2013. Trying to be patient. The journey:
  • I would like to say that not most people want a Caucasian baby, SOME do, but the people who are suppose to adopt your baby, won't care
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers image
  • Check out cafe mom's birthmom group. Lots of BMs there but I do have to say many are anti adoption. But they have been where you are. For what it's worth, you already are a great mom. Your desire to find the perfect agency/parents is spot on. The neat thing is that there is an ideal match btwn BM and APs for everyone. I am 1/2 of a biracial couple and felt so excited to be chosen by my son's BM. Someone out there will feel just as excited and blessed to parent your child. Financial support is also reasonable. Pls chrck out gladney center for adoption. The have a dorm which could eliminate the stressors of work for you completely. Good luck!
    33 yo, DH with MFI Iui x4, Dec 2009 to Jan2011 all BFN.... IVF May 2011 BFP, mc June 2011 at 6.5 weeks, FET Oct 2011 BFP! Sweet baby girl born 25 June 2012** started adoption process Feb 2010, approved Oct 2010, failed match in delivery rooms Feb & Aug 2011... Birthmom called back 3d after we returned home. Aug 26 2011, our sweet baby boy comes home for good!!
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