Passive agressive MIL

Princessmama18

So this will be kind of long so sorry for that ;-)

I have a very pas.agressive MIL. I have been married for more then 5 years and we've been together almost 11 years. But still she has to say those shitty things that hurt me.

To try and stay short this is our last situation. We are currently at our vacay. First week we went to DH's grandma who is really sick now and my MIL is retired and taking care of her. It is totally the other storry why she is playing victim here and taking care of her by her self when she has other siblings. So we go every year to grandmas as my hubby lived mostly with her all until je got sister and they started to play family again. DH thinks of his grandma like of his mother and she really loves me. That's why I took care of her also during this time.

I am a WM and I needed this vacay really bad as I am on my feet all day long and still go home and do all the mom/wife thing. So we were sitting on a terrace on our last night there and my MIL starts the same old story. How she loves me and grandma also but she think's that itt is to early for us to have second baby. In her words her poor son is over tired and can't do his job properly due to my situation (I have panic disorder and take zoloft for it and sleep like dead) and his getting up at night for our DS. She has this kind of me being shitty mom comments all the time. But sh always put a big red bow on them. I kept my mouth shut just for grandmas sake as I feel sorry for her to be listening our fighting. My Dh and me both have talked about this with her million times and have no idea of what to do/say anymore.

O and let me say. In this past 2 years since we has our DS my mom is our best and main help. But two most judgy but least helpful persons are my SIL and MIL. I could barely count on fingers of one hand how many times they both helped us and my DH agrees with me.
How would you resolve this as I am done listening those type of things but still want to remain some kind of relationship for DS sake?

lexusolsen

My MIL is also passive-aggressive. I see that we have two ways to deal with it. Choose our battles and speak up or just grin and bear it. If your MIL lives a ways away, I would try option two. I asked DH to deal with them. He does whatever communicating needs to happen. Sometimes he takes dd to visit them without me. Good luck.

bumpuser8448316

gwapes said:

Stop telling her about your issues, or your plans for another child.  And when she makes comments, consider the source.

Letitgo.

1,000 times ditto this. Put MIL on a need to know basis.

freezorburn

You cannot change your MIL, You can only change how you react to her. Sounds like she is very predictable. You have gotten some good advice from PPs.

Princessmama18

Tnx ladies.....well I pretty much react as you said. But sometimes she is plain mean and then when she dose her thing with those comments it just pulls a triger in me and I dwell on those comments.

lexusolsen

If it really bothers you than stay away for a while or have DH talk to her.

littlemermaid

In one ear and out the other is what you need to do.  But if you really want her to become speechless in the moment the next time she says something mean just say..."all of this coming from someone who barely raised her own son, since he spent most of his time with his Grandma"  Of course, that would be passive aggressive but it would be a major slam dunk.

Disneygeek77

" MIL, this is not up for discussion.  If you continue to bring it up I will leave / hang up."

Then stick to your promise. 

It seems just talking to her isn't working so you might have to step it up.  Leave or hang up everytime she does this.  Hopefully, in time she will start to respect your boundaries and that you mean what you say. 

notreallyirish

I agree with pps that you need to not share so much with her if she's going to throw it in your face. Did you tell her or is your H complaining to her?

Also, I was unaware that heavy sleeping was a side effect of Zoloft. Different people react differently I guess, but I've not heard of this.

Princessmama18

Tnx ladies for the reply.

No my hubby is great with me and totally supports me as he has been with me throught all of mine periods. I think it's mostly my FIL who works with my DH. If he sees him tired I suppose he tells my MIL that poor their son...blah blah...

Yes due to higher dosage of Zoloft I get very sleepy. I used to take it in the morning but then I could barely function.

It is a lot of irony in their family but I could have written a novel about that. I will not give her back in pas.agre. style as I do not supporr it but will try more direct convo. I've also told that to my DH. And I agree that we tend to forget in the heat of the moment about her nature and we tell her too much.
I appreciete all your reply's.