Decided to cut him out — The Bump
Single Parents

Decided to cut him out

I am 29 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I am high risk and on bedrest. My husband (who is cheating and we dont live together anymore) was in control of things while I was in the hospital for four days, he spent the entire time asking me what to do about this and that. I never got peace or rest in the hospital. After the bad expericence I came home to a trashed apartment. So I decided that in light of the fact he has not been to one appointment or helped with anything I am not letting him in Labor and Delivery and if my baby ends up in the NICU he won't be going there either. I have also decided to use a name of my choice not his. Well I let him know that I have decided to bar him and he started threatening me saying he was getting a lawyer and hauling me to court. I told him to go ahead and then I cut off all contact. I am so sick, my head is killing me and my contractions are awful, I feel like I have the flu. I don't care if I am die I refuse to contact him for anything becasue in all honesty since I cut off contact its the most peace I have gotten in four months since he did all of this. I sleep better, even with the headache and I have been able to actually relax. Am I being too mean though? Am I being selfish? I am not saying I won't ever let him see the baby, I want one week after he is born to just be at peace with me (since he will probably be born sick in the NICU) just one week without the drama. Am I being cold? Advice please

Re: Decided to cut him out

  • I don't think you are being cold. BD is not going to be in the delivery room with me. He also lives in another state. I will also be trying to get a protection order after his most recent gf (also pregnant) told me about his past criminal record (33 pages once printed). Most of it is traffic and child support, but he has spent the last 10-15 years in and out of prison, jail and court. We have to do whatever we can do to protect our children. If your H is causing you stress, that is not good for you or the baby. We do what we have to and it seems as if you are protecting your child. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I have found this board to be a Godsend. I wasn't expecting to become pregnant, let alone go through it alone, and the ladies on this board are the best. They are all very supportive and amazing. Good luck and here's hoping to having a healthy and happy baby.
  • I think you need to consult an attorney.  

    Because he is your husband and the father of the child, he will have a right to see the child in the hospital, especially if the child is in the NICU.  Some states will automatically put the husband on the birth certificate.  You need to talk to a family law attorney to see what happens in your state and what you can and can not do with regards to access to the child.

    But you can choose to limit his access to you during your pregnancy.  You don't have to deal with him in your apartment or hospital room.  

    Let him take you to court.  At this point in your pregnancy, he can't make you do anything.  He has no right to be present at your prenatal appointments or hospital room.  You can exclude him from the delivery room.  After the baby is born, things change, but you still don't have to see him.  He can visit with the child in another room in the hospital or visit with the child in the NICU when you are not there.  

    I can only imagine your pain and discomfort right now, but getting a professional's advice will keep you from worrying.  Many men talk about going to court, but many don't and when they do, the courts are usually not as sympathetic as the fathers would like.
  • I agree with daringmiss. And you know if you don't tell people when you go into labor he shouldn't find out about it until you're out.

    I think you did the right thing by making sure you and your baby are in a stress free environment.

    I'm not married to my BD but I did the same thing an now I feel so much better.
  • There are times I feel like I am being too cold, I am a really nice person, but then I remember I have lost 35lbs since I got pregnant from all the stress of the situation he put me in. I realize he does not care about me or his son really he just does not want other people to realize hes a horrible father and not only did he walk off from his wife he walked off from four of his five children. He only kept his 17 year old becasue he had no other choice, but her mom is fighting for custody of her now. I just want him to go away forever at this point, just leave me and my children alone. I will settle for one week of peace after I have my baby, one week to just focus on him and be the mommy he needs me to be without my husband and his gf drama.
  • Doesn't sound cold to me at all. Sounds to me like you are trying to do what's best for you and your baby right now. I would at least consult with an attorney if I were you, just to get an idea of what you can expect after the baby is born where your husband is concerned.
     I got lucky my BD is doing exactly what he threatened me with, and I wanted him to do anyway, when I informed him that he would have no say in my DS's name.... he walked out and I haven't heard from him since the day my son was born. He's ducking CS now, but that will eventually catch up to him and when it does he'll have even more to pay.
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