Baby Showers

can you say "entitlement issues"??

i'm truly aghast at the number of folks who seem to think it's okay to plan their own shower. ?i honestly don't understand this sense of entitlement.

yes, it's a wonderful time. ?yes, celebrations are fabulous and fun. ?and of course, babies are a great reason to GTG and party.

but a shower is a GIFT-GIVING EVENT. ?the SOLE purpose of a shower is to "shower" the new mother with gifts for the baby. ?and if you throw a shower for yourself, you're essentially asking people to buy you presents

how is this not greedy, tacky, and completely unacceptable??

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Re: can you say "entitlement issues"??

  • If you plan your own birthday party, aren't you essentially doing the same thing?  What's the difference besides the need for baby items is often more important then the need for another birthday trinket?
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  • i don't plan birthday parties for myself. ?i don't know a single adult who does.
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  • My husband has planned several birthday parties for me. Everyone jumped on the guy that posted about hosting his wife's shower a few threads down. That really is the same thing.
  • imageWan-naBe:
    i don't plan birthday parties for myself.  i don't know a single adult who does.

    Well, then maybe it's time to open your eyes to the different experiences other people have and instead of getting pissy about a "sense of entitlement" feel a bit of empathy or sorrow for people who don't have friends or family who are willing to take the time or energy to plan a celebration for them whether it be a birthday or a birth of a new baby.

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  • And you know what else...if I ever was invited to a shower thrown by the expecting couple, I would probably purchase a larger gift then normal because I would feel horrible that no one stepped up to give them a shower.

    I can't image the disappointment in knowing that your friends and family don't care enough to throw a shower.  And the worry about all the stuff that comes with a new baby.

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  • imagejnealet:

    imageWan-naBe:
    i don't plan birthday parties for myself. ?i don't know a single adult who does.

    Well, then maybe it's time to open your eyes to the different experiences other people have and instead of getting pissy about a "sense of entitlement" feel a bit of empathy or sorrow for people who don't have friends or family who are willing to take the time or energy to plan a celebration for them whether it be a birthday or a birth of a new baby.

    my replies to these posts usually include the suggestion of throwing a "meet the baby" party. ?i do believe that qualifies as planning a celebration of the birth of a new baby. ?and most people do bring gifts to those parties - but it's not a requirement, unlike a shower.?

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  • I don't care who throws a shower, it is a way to ask for gifts. Unless you really need the gifts, it seems weird to me. I understand that this American tradition came from the tough post-war period where people could not afford to buy the essentials. The etiquette is not the issue in my book but the materialistic way of having a party for the purpose to get stuff. Birthday parties are not to get gifts but to celebrate your birthday.
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  • imageWan-naBe:

    i'm truly aghast at the number of folks who seem to think it's okay to plan their own shower.  i honestly don't understand this sense of entitlement.

    yes, it's a wonderful time.  yes, celebrations are fabulous and fun.  and of course, babies are a great reason to GTG and party.

    but a shower is a GIFT-GIVING EVENT.  the SOLE purpose of a shower is to "shower" the new mother with gifts for the baby.  and if you throw a shower for yourself, you're essentially asking people to buy you presents

    how is this not greedy, tacky, and completely unacceptable? 

    sing it sister! Preaching to the choir, here!!

  • Oh, Wan... didn't you know that friends and family are your personal shoppers??  That's why you can shove unrequested registry information down their throats and have a shower for every baby.  [shakes head sadly]

  • imagejnealet:

    I can't image the disappointment in knowing that your friends and family don't care enough to throw a shower.  And the worry about all the stuff that comes with a new baby.

    Well, it isn't the responsibility of friends and family to supply people with things they need for their own baby, it is, and ONLY is, the parents-to-be's responsibility.  If buying everything a person would need to raise a healthy baby causes the parents so much worry that they have to throw their own gift-grubbing pity party, then perhaps they are not in a position to raise their own child.

  • My mom (who lives in Atlanta) and my MIL (who lives about 30 minutes from me in CO) want to throw a combined shower, but I am the only one with time enough to make the preparations (invitations, guest list, favors, etc.).  For the hosts, it's more of a time constraint.  They want to host, but distance makes it a problem.
  • The thing is - a shower is an out and out request for gifts. There is no 2 ways about it.  B-day parties are not.  Yes- most people take gifts, etc, but a b-day party is NOT about getting gifts. It's really not.  And in my group of friends, it's pretty much understood that gifts are not required and I actually dont' exchange b-day gifts anymore w/ any of my friends.  So when they or I have a party - it's not a given that gifts are brought. 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • The couple to be should not host their own shower in my opinion.  If they want to plan, organize, buy the stuff...fine...but let someone else actually "host" it.  Even if that is one of their mother's, aunts, cousins, etc.  That way if guests have a question they call that person (or people) rather than the couple.  I do, however, have no problem with the expecting couple to host a Meet the Baby party AFTER the baby is born.  There is no requirement to bring a gift but people will.  Those are great for people who choose not to find out the sex, who are having 2nd, 3rd, 4th, babies, etc.  I think gift-giving for the arrival of a new baby is the norm in most countries and cultures...they just call it something different (and it is many times after the baby has arrived).  Like one pp said...if you can't afford the basics (bed, car seat, highchair, etc) then you don't have the finances to be bringing a baby into the world so should maybe wait a bit.

  • I must say, I know someone who didn't have Family or Friends who lived where she did, and she threw her own shower...and she added a new twist--she did it virtually. Those of us who couldn't get to her, were able to share in the event by watching online. It wasn't a sense of entitlement to "host" her own shower, but more out of "no one is around to do this for me." Every person has a different situation and you need to be respectful to that. I'm not hosting my shower, but I am helping with some of the games and ideas because I enjoy planning events...not because it's a sense of entitlement to have a shower!
  • imageqtswetgrl:
    I must say, I know someone who didn't have Family or Friends who lived where she did, and she threw her own shower...and she added a new twist--she did it virtually. Those of us who couldn't get to her, were able to share in the event by watching online. It wasn't a sense of entitlement to "host" her own shower, but more out of "no one is around to do this for me." Every person has a different situation and you need to be respectful to that. I'm not hosting my shower, but I am helping with some of the games and ideas because I enjoy planning events...not because it's a sense of entitlement to have a shower!

     

    omg, she hosted her own VIRTUAL shower? so, she said ship me presents, and you can watch me open them on a webcam?

    Unless she sent you a diet coke and some jordan almonds she didn't "host" anything.  She shook you down for gifts and you bought into it.

    *muttering...virtual shower...gift grab...hadja;eoaha*

  • imageqtswetgrl:
    I must say, I know someone who didn't have Family or Friends who lived where she did, and she threw her own shower...and she added a new twist--she did it virtually. Those of us who couldn't get to her, were able to share in the event by watching online. It wasn't a sense of entitlement to "host" her own shower, but more out of "no one is around to do this for me." Every person has a different situation and you need to be respectful to that. I'm not hosting my shower, but I am helping with some of the games and ideas because I enjoy planning events...not because it's a sense of entitlement to have a shower!

    WOW.  That is a sense of entitlement at its finest.  Indifferent

  • imageWan-naBe:

    i'm truly aghast at the number of folks who seem to think it's okay to plan their own shower.  i honestly don't understand this sense of entitlement.

    yes, it's a wonderful time.  yes, celebrations are fabulous and fun.  and of course, babies are a great reason to GTG and party.

    but a shower is a GIFT-GIVING EVENT.  the SOLE purpose of a shower is to "shower" the new mother with gifts for the baby.  and if you throw a shower for yourself, you're essentially asking people to buy you presents

    how is this not greedy, tacky, and completely unacceptable? 

    Ditto!

  • imageqtswetgrl:
    I must say, I know someone who didn't have Family or Friends who lived where she did, and she threw her own shower...and she added a new twist--she did it virtually. Those of us who couldn't get to her, were able to share in the event by watching online. It wasn't a sense of entitlement to "host" her own shower, but more out of "no one is around to do this for me." Every person has a different situation and you need to be respectful to that. I'm not hosting my shower, but I am helping with some of the games and ideas because I enjoy planning events...not because it's a sense of entitlement to have a shower!

    are you daft? ?that is far worse than simply throwing yourself a shower. ?that is the EPITOME of entitlement issues! ?if no one offers to host a shower, you. don't. have. one. ?it is a GIFT!?image

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  • Due to complications with my pregnancy, I have been on bed rest since 19 weeks. Previously, my sister-in-law had offered to host a shower (I was very surprised)... most of my friends are not local, I started a new job in late August and have not been at work since October -- so there won't be a work shower. My SIL offered a virtual shower, but I felt it was somewhat tacky -- not the shower with the camera etc... I *think* we are still going to do a "meet the baby celebration." We are lucky enough to have our crib, a dress (off of Craigs List) -- for the stuff we need, as we get closer, we plan on buying these items -- there is no rule that people (a) have to buy you gifts, (b) have to get you something off of your list. I totally understand women feeling, well not left out (can't come up with the word) -- because on many levels I feel that way -- extended restricted bed rest will do that to you... Since the bed rest and restrictions, and the big unknown, we have tentatively decided that a "meet the baby" celebration is the best option. This way, there will be a true guest of honor...
  • Ok - it would SUCK if your family/friends couldn't find the time or energy to host a shower for you. It's even past the point of getting gifts - it would make you feel horrible...and incredibly insignificant. Any of you would feel the same way, I don't care if you don't recognize it in your current mindset. Think about it from that man's angle - her parents just decided to drop the shower? They are the jerks. Not him.
  • imagehopefulmom:

    The couple to be should not host their own shower in my opinion.  If they want to plan, organize, buy the stuff...fine...but let someone else actually "host" it.  Even if that is one of their mother's, aunts, cousins, etc.  That way if guests have a question they call that person (or people) rather than the couple.  I do, however, have no problem with the expecting couple to host a Meet the Baby party AFTER the baby is born.  There is no requirement to bring a gift but people will.  Those are great for people who choose not to find out the sex, who are having 2nd, 3rd, 4th, babies, etc.  I think gift-giving for the arrival of a new baby is the norm in most countries and cultures...they just call it something different (and it is many times after the baby has arrived).  Like one pp said...if you can't afford the basics (bed, car seat, highchair, etc) then you don't have the finances to be bringing a baby into the world so should maybe wait a bit.

    Not true. I am from Austria and I have never heard of a baby shower or a Meet a Baby shower or anything like that. We don't have showers there (also no bridal shower). Hosting a party in Europe for the sole purpose to be 'showered' with gifts would be seen as inappropriate and materialistic. It is just not done.

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  • You're in America babe! Bring on the "gifts"
  • Funny SFAug07...we know several people from around the world (Australia, Europe, Japan) and they DO have parties after the babies are born and most people bring gifts.  Granted...some of the parties are religious...but they do "party" just the same.  They don't all call them showers or meet the baby parties...but that is more or less what they are.  Wow...can't imagine not giving a little gift to the newborn.  Sad.  Glad I don't live in Austria I guess.
  • Sometimes you might have a party after the baptism of a baby (Austria is Catholic). There are some parties but definitely no 'showers'. Strange concept to me to invite people just to get gifts.
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  • Just a thought on the whole shower and gifts thing....those people that you would invite to a shower are your family and freinds.  Whether you had  an even called a shower or not, wouldn't those same people want to celebrate the birth of your child by giving a gift?  I know that when someone in my family or circle of friends has a child (first, second, third,etc.) I send a gift - to celebrate the arrival of a new child into their family.  I don't send a crib or carseat, but a thoughtful, smaller, useful gift.

    I guess I just don't solely think of a "shower" as a gift giving event, but more a celebration/get together for someone who is adding a child to their family.

    Just my two cents.

  • If you don't like the idea of someone planning their own shower, then don't attend, don't send a gift.  If the nature of showers bothers you as greedy, tacky and completely unacceptable, then you shouldn't really participate in any gift-giving event.
    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
  • ITA, throwing your own shower is tacky.
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  • I don't think that throwing your own shower is tacky.  We all go to our fair share of showers in our lifetime and deserve to have our own when the time comes.  Sure, it would be nicer if someone would host one for you, but if no one does then I think it is OK to host your own. 

     

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  • imagejnealet:

    And you know what else...if I ever was invited to a shower thrown by the expecting couple, I would probably purchase a larger gift then normal because I would feel horrible that no one stepped up to give them a shower.

    I can't image the disappointment in knowing that your friends and family don't care enough to throw a shower.  And the worry about all the stuff that comes with a new baby.

    AMEN SISTAH!!!!!!

    And some friends are just clueless! Especially the people in their early-mid 20's who haven't been married/had babies. They have no idea that it's traditionally up to friends/family to offer to throw a shower because they haven't had the anxiety of wondering if/when someone was going to step up for them.

    I feel extremely fortunate to have friends that wouldn't give a flying flip if I threw my own shower. And I can't imagine staying friends with anyone who would NOT come to my shower just because I threw it myself. I don't think that's a very good friend.

  • I agree that throwing your own shower is tacky.

     I also think having a baby shower for a second/third/etc etc baby is tacky.  Unfortunately for my tacky-meter it seems to be becoming more and more acceptable.  I figure once I've been to your bridal shower, your wedding, and your first baby shower (all with expensive gifts) I am off the hook.  But then getting slammed with the SECOND baby... **sigh** Enough is enough!

  • imagenalah:

    I don't think that throwing your own shower is tacky.  We all go to our fair share of showers in our lifetime and deserve to have our own when the time comes.  Sure, it would be nicer if someone would host one for you, but if no one does then I think it is OK to host your own. 

     

    No, nobody deserves a shower.  This is exactly what's wrong with this culture and this generation. Wow.

    "I
  • imageLyndsRae:
    You're in America babe! Bring on the "gifts"

    Just in case anyone was wondering why the rest of the world hates us... 

    "I
  • imagetalltalltrees:

    imageLyndsRae:
    You're in America babe! Bring on the "gifts"

    Just in case anyone was wondering why the rest of the world hates us... 

     

    Please, the laughing, it hurts, bwah ha ha!

  • I moved to a new state a month before getting engaged. ?I knew no one. ?So, guess what, I had no wedding shower. ?Did I feel miserable, lonely, left out? ?NO. ?People who do need to seek some counseling. ?A party whose sole purpose is to give gifts is not a necessity in life; it is not a judge of how many friend you have nor how much they love you. ?

    Although, as a guest, I have to admit I'd prefer a virtual shower. ?That way I could drink myself into oblivion while still being part of the inanity that typifies most showers. ?Yay, how about another round of guess the candy bar smashed into a diaper! ?Sign me up!

    image
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