short venting!

KR250222

So I go to a beach house this weekend that my in-laws rented, and we stayed one night. I wasn't thrilled about going just a few days after a BFN but I did the right thing. So my SIL is there with her friend and guess what? Yes, her friend is newly pregnant! When I heard them talking my eyes just welled up and I had to go upstairs. I was quiet the rest of the night and when it was mentioned again I just went to bed. They do not know what we've been going through but my FIL and MIL do know.

I know I can't stop society from their deserved BFPs but it was so not something I needed to be faced with this weekend! I couldn't help but feeling like I was a brat but also I know that I can't help my emotions of disappointment and jealousy.

kflynn81

I hear ya, it's ok. Hope you had a good time otherwise

PhillyJ33

I am so sorry! Don't feel like a brat- you can't help those emotions and it sounds like you handled yourself very well under those circumstances.

ball.and.chain

You are definitely not a brat for feeling that way!  I think any of us would have felt the same.  Sorry you got blind-sided and I'm glad you got through the weekend!  I hope September is your month.

amcastord

I'm sorry...I would've felt the same way. It's just not fair.

But, I'm curious (and I say this, because I would've acted the same way you did, but I wonder if sometimes I'm the one that's wrong). What would be the big deal, (and I'm TOTALLY speaking to myself here too...really) if we didn't keep everything so secretive about our IF struggles? Would we then, not break down every time pregnancy is mentioned? I mean, I do the same thing, keep it all in. I'm leaving town now so that we can be in NC early in the morning to deposit a sample and nobody even knows except our nephew who is house sitting (and he's 21, he could care less and hasn't even asked where we're going. He just wants somewhere he can chill).

That being said...how would our IVF struggles be different if we (as an IF community) were more open about what we're facing in life. I just wonder sometimes, if I don't bring on some of my heartache myself by keeping everything in...

Anyone else feel like that?

And, please...don't think I'm some I've got this under control. I struggle with it DAILY...to tell or not to tell...to cry or not to cry...all of it, this post just made me wonder if anyone else feels like that too...

anations

I would have felt the same way. It is just so hard!

KR250222

amcastord said:

I'm sorry...I would've felt the same way. It's just not fair.

But, I'm curious (and I say this, because I would've acted the same way you did, but I wonder if sometimes I'm the one that's wrong). What would be the big deal, (and I'm TOTALLY speaking to myself here too...really) if we didn't keep everything so secretive about our IF struggles? Would we then, not break down every time pregnancy is mentioned? I mean, I do the same thing, keep it all in. I'm leaving town now so that we can be in NC early in the morning to deposit a sample and nobody even knows except our nephew who is house sitting (and he's 21, he could care less and hasn't even asked where we're going. He just wants somewhere he can chill).

That being said...how would our IVF struggles be different if we (as an IF community) were more open about what we're facing in life. I just wonder sometimes, if I don't bring on some of my heartache myself by keeping everything in...

Anyone else feel like that?

And, please...don't think I'm some I've got this under control. I struggle with it DAILY...to tell or not to tell...to cry or not to cry...all of it, this post just made me wonder if anyone else feels like that too...

well most people do know, but my DH didn't want his sister to. and what i've realized that when people still know, that doesn't mean they will be sensitive to you! my 2 co-workers pretty much talked about their pregnancies every day in front of me for months knowing how much I was struggling! people just don't get it sometimes. but i def hear what you are saying!

thecuddleeffect

amcastord said:

I'm sorry...I would've felt the same way. It's just not fair.

But, I'm curious (and I say this, because I would've acted the same way you did, but I wonder if sometimes I'm the one that's wrong). What would be the big deal, (and I'm TOTALLY speaking to myself here too...really) if we didn't keep everything so secretive about our IF struggles? Would we then, not break down every time pregnancy is mentioned? I mean, I do the same thing, keep it all in. I'm leaving town now so that we can be in NC early in the morning to deposit a sample and nobody even knows except our nephew who is house sitting (and he's 21, he could care less and hasn't even asked where we're going. He just wants somewhere he can chill).

That being said...how would our IVF struggles be different if we (as an IF community) were more open about what we're facing in life. I just wonder sometimes, if I don't bring on some of my heartache myself by keeping everything in...

Anyone else feel like that?

And, please...don't think I'm some I've got this under control. I struggle with it DAILY...to tell or not to tell...to cry or not to cry...all of it, this post just made me wonder if anyone else feels like that too...

I am completely open. Like with all my family, on fb etc. I have felt to much support and love and prayers, making that jump was the best decision of my life. Its a big scary step tho.

@KR250222 You are not a brat, its so hard not to have those pangs of jealousy when you are working so hard for something someone achieved so easily.  hugs

PhillyJ33

KR250222 said:

amcastord said:

I'm sorry...I would've felt the same way. It's just not fair.

But, I'm curious (and I say this, because I would've acted the same way you did, but I wonder if sometimes I'm the one that's wrong). What would be the big deal, (and I'm TOTALLY speaking to myself here too...really) if we didn't keep everything so secretive about our IF struggles? Would we then, not break down every time pregnancy is mentioned? I mean, I do the same thing, keep it all in. I'm leaving town now so that we can be in NC early in the morning to deposit a sample and nobody even knows except our nephew who is house sitting (and he's 21, he could care less and hasn't even asked where we're going. He just wants somewhere he can chill).

That being said...how would our IVF struggles be different if we (as an IF community) were more open about what we're facing in life. I just wonder sometimes, if I don't bring on some of my heartache myself by keeping everything in...

Anyone else feel like that?

And, please...don't think I'm some I've got this under control. I struggle with it DAILY...to tell or not to tell...to cry or not to cry...all of it, this post just made me wonder if anyone else feels like that too...

well most people do know, but my DH didn't want his sister to. and what i've realized that when people still know, that doesn't mean they will be sensitive to you! my 2 co-workers pretty much talked about their pregnancies every day in front of me for months knowing how much I was struggling! people just don't get it sometimes. but i def hear what you are saying!

I agree that even if you are open people don't get it. My friends constantly talk about who that we know is now pregnant and they aren't even people we were ever close with. I want to burst out- I don't care and let's change the topic. I was telling one of my closest friends about the ET and two minutes later tells me that her mom's friends daughter is pregnant with her 3rd kid in the last 4 years. Great....what do I even say... Why do you think this is the appropriate time to share that? To make me feel worse?
I know they mean no harm but just think first!

kc1218

Im sorry. Iv been dealing with similar emotions. IF is so unfair. Ugh. I hope your day gets brighter. You are not a brat... you are a human with emotions!

poohniki

So sorry! IF sucks and you will go through all sorts of emotions. After my failed cycle I cried seeing buses with IVF advertisements on my way to work. Any reminder was too much and not something I wanted to deal with. You have every right to control what you want to be subjected to; it's bad enough IF leaves us so helpless. You need some control over it all. Don't feel bad about it, you have to put yourself first when you are hurting. 

I've been thinking about opening up a bit more, but even my IF therapist warns to be selective because so many people are insensitive. It's soo hard when you don't want to be secretive, you just don't want any extra heartache.

Peanutz21

That is tough. I absolutely applaud you for going upstairs IF really blows and it's not as if you made some snarky comment. Hang in there.

amcastord

Thanks for the input re: to share or not to share. I share with VERY few people, neither my mom, sister or I laws even know. Only a few close friends...infact, I'm lying here in a hotel too with DH, 200 miles away from home praying my mom doesn't call needing anything! She has no idea!

So, those of you that have made the leap, it was hard...but worth it (insensitive pregnancy talk excluded) telling your families?

mccall0113

I've told some close friends.  I wish I could tell my family but I know they would not approve of us even trying. Let alone having some help conceiving. 

I get emotional when others announce their pregnancy. Then I embrace  it. It will be my turn soon. Trying to remain optimistic

PrincessLeah77

Most of our family knows, and they are usually sensitive about it. My MIL never had any biological children due to infertility (DH is adopted), so she definitely understands. But even so, last time they visited, we were out and saw a woman with a baby and she said, in front of me, "Oh, I can't wait for that!" It still hurt to hear it and now I am dreading seeing them again in a few weeks, what with just getting our fourth BFN.

I think there are times in this whole journey where everything effects us. A person could be as sensitive as possible (or least think they are), and it could still just rub us the wrong way. Of course, it doesn't make our feelings any less valid! We all have a right to feel the way we do, and to cope the way we find works best for us.