Anyone here write a "dear birthmother letter"?? — The Bump

Anyone here write a "dear birthmother letter"??

My DH & I are working on our "dear birthmother" letter and I didn't think it would be this hard. I feel like I'm in school all over again and don't know how to start it off. This is definitely not my fave part cause I am not the best when it comes to writing and neither is my DH. If anyone has any tips, ideas or advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Re: Anyone here write a "dear birthmother letter"??

  • i had a hard time too.  It helped me to find pictures first and see how those would help tell who we are.  I would make a list of the things you want someone to know about you (i.e. love to cook, places travelled, how spend weekends, etc) and pull those together into a "letter."  Our agency sent us several examples...honestly I hated all the examples and thought they were contrived, but it showed me how I didn't want to portray us.  You can also google "adoption profile" or "dear birthmother letter" for tips and examples. 
  • Well, we started ours off with just "Hi from ...." since there is so much controversy over the traditional "Dear Birthmother." As far as content, we gave a basic introduction to each other and our lives, and then had a large bulk on how we plan to parent. We talked about the things that were important to us, and that we hoped to share/instill in our children  (ex: education).   I know that has some good variety and ideas on content and layout.

    Hope this helps!



  • here is ours feel free to use part of it

    Dear Birthmother,


    We are thrilled to start our family through adoption. The decision that you made is one that required courage, trust and faith. You are making the ultimate sacrifice in the best interest of your unborn child.  The gift of your child is one of selfless love. Because of you our family will feel whole and your child will be loved and cherished. We invite you to look at our profile and learn more about us. We hope that after reading our profile you will see how much love and commitment we have to starting a family.


    We met through a mutual friend and were married two years later. We have worked hard at renovating our home to make it one that is warm and welcoming to all who visit.


    We have two dogs that are like our children, they do everything with us. And they light up our life.   Suzanne?s brother recently got married and will soon start a family. We can not wait to see our children grow up together.  John also has a nephew who is currently serving our country in Iraq. We are both very proud of him.


    About John?.

    John is a very caring person who will help anyone in a time of need. He is very loving and thoughtful. I could not imagine my life without him.  He is also very handy and loves doing projects on the house and his car. I know he can not wait to do projects with his child.


    About Suzanne?

    Suzanne is a person filled with love and passion. I enjoy watching Suzanne interact with her family. She is a family person and we always have so much fun with them.  She is a special education teacher that loves to be around children. I know that she will make a great mother. I can not picture her without children.





    We would love to have 2 children some day. Suzanne was born with a medical condition that does not allow her to hold a pregnancy.   The gift of your child is one of selfless love. Because of you our family will feel whole and your child will be loved and cherished.  We will forever be grateful for your gift of life and love. Thank you for considering us and may God bless you.


  • It is definitely hard, we made sections that we knew we wanted to address and as pp suggested try choosing pictures first.  I found that was easier.  I kept a notebook by the bed so if I thought of a good line while I was falling asleep I could write them down and include them later. 

    I found it one of the hardest parts of the adoption process, but we were pretty happy with it when it was done. I hope that you are as happy with yours. 

  • OMG this has been the hardest thing by far that we had to do and I was not expecting it to be that difficult until I started to write it and all of a sudden I started to feel all of the emotions that this family will feel when they give their baby away.  He is a copy of our letter............. GOOD LUCK


    Dear Friends,



    As we enter into what will be one of our greatest joys in our life, you and your family are going through one of if not the most difficult times of your life.


    There are so many questions that run through our minds now that our lives are connecting forever.  Your reasoning for making this decision is your own and needs no explanation to us.  The more important questions are; what do you expect from us?  How would you want your child to grow up?  Will you allow us to share any and all information that we may have about you and your family?  If you chose to remain private about your decision, than I do want you to know that we will tell this child that they were loved so much that their families had incredible strength to let them go. We promise you that we will do whatever is in our power to give your child all the love and support they deserve unconditionally.


    In closing, we hope that this letter gives you a small sense of comfort in knowing that your decision has made our lives complete.  We could only thank you for your gift by loving our child everyday of our lives.



    With Great Appreciation Always,

  • We are where you the process.
    We are doing it in small segments.  As something occurs to me (or DH), we jot it down.  My hope is all of our thoughts will come together in a letter that truly gives a glimpse into who we are. 

    This morning, I was driving to work, and a phrase hit me....I came into work and jotted it down.  So far, it's made the process easier than doing it all at once.

    Good luck to you!!

    (And thanks to the ladies who shared their letters....they are such intimate expressions of who we are and where we come from.)

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • i also wanted to add that i had a shorter verison of the letter with the part about us but our agency said to add more of a personal touch.
  • Thank you so much to everyone who responded and shared their letters. It is very helpful. I will keep you all posted on how it goes and post a copy when were done. Good luck to all!!!
  • I know it can feel weird, but I would talk a lot about yourself Smile  Your likes and dislikes, your relationship with one another, your parenting philosophy, etc.  E-parents are trying to get to know YOU and choose who they are going to give their flesh and blood to!!! If it were you, what would you want to know about those people?

    I'd avoid trying too hard to relate... An e-parent could be any age, any background, any personality.  Try to avoid having a pre-conceived idea of who you are talking to so that the letter will be approachable by many people.  This is easiest if you are yourself and talk as if you are talking to a friend.

    I would avoid cliche's.  "I know what you are going through", "thank you for choosing life", "thank you for choosing adoption", "you are our angel" etc.

     I know it's hard!!! Good luck!

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