I don't know how I have the strength to type this late at night after what happened, I am still numb trying to register everything. My name is Omi & today my beautiful Elizabeth Christine was born sleeping & earned her angel wings. She passed at 33 weeks. This pregnancy was a high risk, my first baby girl was born at 36 weeks & stayed in the NICU. Elizabeth's due was Sept 22, the first day of our favorite season, Fall. I was seen by a MFM specialist, had monthly U/S and started weekly BPP at 31 weeks. She looked great 2 weeks ago on her BPP, she was moving & being a normal baby. We had everything ready for her. Her clothes,bassinet,car seat installed just in case she was like her big sis & decide to come early. Today I went for my 33 week checkup with my daughter since her dad had to work,plus we had additional dr appointments for her.
The nurse mention I was measuring small, had 2 nurses try to find her heartbeat, nothing. I had a U/S right away, I was scared to look at the screen. My dr came in & confirm any expecting mother's fear. She passed. It felt as my soul was being torn apart, but since I had LO with me I didn't want to scare her. I had to be strong, because if I cried I would scare her. I called my husband & he rushed with my MIL to the hospital. Once I saw him all I could say was I;m sorry.
I feel it's my fault, is there something I could have done? My MIL took care of my LO & will be spending the night at her home. I was induced at 9:30 am, had the labor pains, and at 3:45 finally felt like pushing. I gave 4 pushes and she was born sleeping at 3:55 pm CST.
How I wish I could have done anything to hear a cry, she was beautiful. Had her dad's nose & my full lips. She weigh 2lbs, 14 oz & measured at 14 1/4 inches. My eyes hurt from crying so much, I feel like I am in denial, in a dream as if I still cannot believe this happened. We had the hospital create a memory box for us, a few pics were taken & we decided to have an autopsy done. All my OBGYN said was they noticed fluid in her belly, she could have developed an abnormality. We held her for hours & will again one more time tomorrow before I leave the hospital. We will be making funeral arrangements & calling our employers for leave. I feel anger, hysterically crying & just in denial. But all I think about is why. WHY?
I am sorry about my long post but since we live in a small rural town, most loss support parent groups are in cities near by. Thank you ladie for listening, I am looking forward for the advice & support.