Is your family helping after baby comes?

muksak

My husband and I are discussing what to do after our little girl comes. His mom lives in Florida so we are trying to decide whether to have her come up. 

I currently have the feeling of any amount of help can be awesome from my parents and if his mom comes to visit. 

We have had a couple other newer parents tell us that we won't want anybody around for 2 weeks to be able to bond with the baby. 

I can see both sides, but I think it would be a little rude to say no you can't come see your grandchild and I would think the help would be great!

Let me know what you plan to do...

Texasmomma13

My mom lives 3 hours away. She is coming for the birth then going home. DH's mom lives in the same town as us. She has been instructed to call before coming over but will be welcome to a certain extent. I don't like people around when I don't feel well. So, it will be mainly Dh and I. We want to find our own way without other people around. He is perfectly capable of taking care of me while I take care of LO. I'll be BFing so it's not like there's a lot of things family could do anyway.
My sister does want to come down for a weekend after DH goes back to work (2 weeks PP) but she will be a huge help cause I know she'll help clean up the house and cook me some food too. Everyone else can just stay away. I don't need a sitter while I play hostess. I'll need to heal and figure out how to navigate parenthood.

StayingSecret

If you think their help would be great and that they'd actually help, not hinder, go for it.  All my family lives local, so I haven't faced this.  I think the whole "I have to be alone with my baby for a really long time otherwise I won't bond with him" is overrated.  Even without my family staying with me, I appreciated an hour or two break and still bonded just fine.

grace_smith03

Depends on your family dynamic and whether they actually *help* or not.  I have no problem having my parents over because I feel comfortable taking the baby away and breastfeeding, or simply telling them what I need done, or that me, hubs, and the baby are going into the other room to bond. 

good luck!

snookums2013

I am pretty sure that I'll want as much help as possible from the people I'm most comfortable with as long as it doesn't mean playing hostess (which will be hard for me to step out of that role).

MissyCee

My family lives very close to me so I don't have to face this issue. If they did live out of  town I probably would love to have them come up for a visit to help after my H had gone back to work, but that first week with H home I'd want it to be just us with baby to bond.

If you feel it would be a comfort and help to you and your H, I see no problem at all with having family visit and help out.

doodlemonkey22

It depends on your personality. Do you see it as help or as someone in the way? There is no right or wrong answer. Just depends on the type of person you are. My MIL flew in from out of state to stay 2 weeks with us when we had both our boys. And I loved it. She helped with cooking meals and laundry. When we had our second she kept DS1 entertained and played with him. She's planning on coming to visit again with our 3rd.

allurea

My mom will be taking time off after the baby comes and then when she is back to work my MIL will be coming out to stay with us for a week or so.

TLRachelle

I would love the help and I've invited both my parents and DH's parents but no one can/will make the effort. But the good news is that my DH is amazing and has experience working in early childhood care so it's not like he can't change a diaper or warm a bottle of breast milk. Also, we have loving friends at church who have already expressed a desire to cook meals for us, do laundry, etc. All of that is absolutely amazing and I will not say no to anyone who wants to help. I'm a FTM but I'm also an experienced nanny and I know how wonderful it is to steal a few moments for mommy and daddy time in the midst of stressful new baby time. It's okay, it's not going to mess up your bond with the baby. It's actually really healthy. 

A37licia

I have always been grateful and have accepted help from family after the births, especially my mom.  MIL loves to help, but she needs her hand held more and have things made more clear about what to do around the house, even though she KNOWS how to run a house (she raised 4 children).

I still get plenty of bonding time. They help with the house and kids and meals, and that help allows me to bond. I'm more than happy to let the moms hold their new grandbaby at least a small chunk each day, and they come with the understanding that I am working on nursing my baby.   I've asked my MIL & FIL to come around a month after the EDD, and plan to write out the kids' schedule so they can take over with that, and I'll take care of the baby and cook. There will still be plenty of times she'll get to hold baby napping, though that IS the time I'm getting baby to sleep in his crib more for naps, but I try to be flexible because that time means a lot to them.

If anyone has someone who will not respect what's needed in those early days, it might not be a good idea to have them come as early. Have them visit after a month while baby is still small but you are on your feet more and established with nursing. 

Have those come right away who will be a true help to you, not a drain on you.  I really appreciate that my family is like that, and my mom will be an even bigger help this time because I have two other kids already (and she will be beat, I'm sure!!)

AlwaysForgetful

If you want some help, do not phrase it as "come see the baby". You should really ask if she would come up and help you guys out after the baby comes. That way she knows you would like help.

That being said, no. My mother has never come up to help. She usually watches the kids and leaves the same day I get home. She lives 45 minutes away. There is an Auntie that lives close helped a little last time. She would pick up when she noticed it was getting out of hand (I was out of it with spinal headache and recovering from a Csection) and do the kitty litter.

Beckylouwho

I was totally all about having help last time. I learned quickly though that although help is nice, there are a lot of other contributing factors.

My ils came out the day after we came home from the hospital and stayed for 3 days. They were very helpful and I love them to death... But I was very uncomfortable. Trying to figure out breast feeding plus just recovering both physically and emotionally was very hard to do with house guests. I just felt like I had to mask some of my discomfort and my baby blues around them.

This time around we are giving ourselves a week then my Mom is coming out to help. Those days might be tough without the extra hands but I feel it will give me the time I need to recover.

jlbhz2275

I guess it depends on what your family is like. I have family coming to stay with us for 6 weeks, between my aunt, sister, mom and dad. They are rotating in and out and only over lap by a few days so I won't have a full house for six weeks. They are all coming to help me out with my 2 yr old, and take over the physical activities so I can physically recover. Plus they will be taking care of me and helping with the house. They each have a list of "chores"  to help me out with (for example dad is gonna help with the yard, mom a few sewing projects, sister some decorating and repainting stuff) and there is enough to do around town that they can always go off by themselves for awhile. Unfortunately, my husband has one of those jobs where he will be working 16hr days 7 days a week for the next few months, so he will not be around to help at all. None of my family is close, everyone requires a plane ticket to get here, so I will be grateful for any help I can get, bc once they are all gone, I'm on my own. I have no worries about bonding with new baby, I will be breastfeeding and that will give me plenty of bonding time, and I don't mind to share my children with my family, they only get to see them so often.

amaseya

Yeah, like previous posters said, it depends on the family. Our family, both mine and in laws, are baby hogs and would come over just to sit on the couch, sleep in, eat us out of house and home, hog our son, fill our backyard with cigarette butts, and demand I place hostess and cook the entire time. To make matters worse, they don't like our dogs (the feeling is mutual) and would want them locked up the whole time or they'd b!tch about them. They've even mentioned bringing their three dogs too, which are untrained and aggressive to ours, so that is also not going to happen.

We decided to have a no house guest policy. The nearest city to us is half an hour away. If they want to visit, we will recommend a hotel room. Yes, it's probably kind of harsh, but trust me, if you knew them, you'd agree that it's for the best.

Oh, and my fil is uber creepy and having him around while I bf would be super uncomfortable.

Carnation77

We live about 9 hours from any family.  We've told them grandparents are allowed to visit after DH goes back to work (2 weeks) but no siblings until after 6 weeks.  Our siblings are high maintenance, wouldn't help at all, and would really interfere with our ability to get the baby on a schedule.  Our parents are very opinionated and do not listen to what we tell them when they're at our house.  We have differing opinions on how to raise our child and I don' t want to deal with them going against our wishes while we're trying to establish everything when he first gets home.  Hopefully when they do get here we'll have had an opportunity to get some sort of routine established.  I also don't want my in law's or dad around when I'm first trying to get breastfeeding down.

Julie21613

Both my parents and my IL"s are local.  My DH will take a week off when I come home from the hospital and my mom is taking the week after off to help.  I haven't decided if I will have her stay over or just come in the morning.   I'm looking forward to the help.  My sister said it was great having my mom there when her DH went back to work.  She did laundry, cooked meals and picked up around the house.  

CourtJack

My mom is coming up. She came up with my first and I've never been more grateful. My mom and generally do NOT get along. I have a two day limit under normal circumstances - I'm fairly sure she feels the same. But her help with DS was amazing and I am looking forward to it again with this one.

audreid

My parents will have DD1 while I am in the hospital. DH works the night shift, so with DD1 my mom stayed over night for the first week (literally only the hours he worked 11-7) to help with some of the nighttime duties, and I assume she will do the same this time. I had some tearing during labor, so it was GREAT to have the help available, and she did pretty well with not overstepping boundaries.

DH isn't in touch with his father, and his mother recently passed, so I don't have in laws to accomodate.... 

Kate621

God I hope not.

HFrizzle

No, our family lives over 12 hrs away. When we had our last DD my husbands mom came 3 months later and his dad and step mom came a year later AND my husband was deployed. ~insert major eye roll~ I don't expect much from them this time around either. Take the help though, it's nice to have.

katiebenes

My Mom is going to spend a few nights... because my husband and I are worried we won't wake up, or that we'll have issues dealing with two little screaming babies... 

Chrisanna0508

My mom will be coming for 2 weeks or so and I am looking forward to having the help. She was a huge help when my sister had her kids (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc) so I know I will not be expected to play hostess. I think it will give me more time to focus on the baby. Like PPs have said though, not all family members are like this.

rab2006

We have no options for help from family - it is DH and I (and now DD, so she tells us). Both of our sets of parents live about 2 hours away with my mom and DH's dad both still working full time. While with DD it was nice to have it just be DH and I to an extent, general company or help around the house (picking up and cooking) would have been nice. But even if we had the option of family helping, I don't think I'd wnat help with the baby - more with DD (entertaining her) and stuff around the house.

BlessUrHeart29

My parents will be down for probably about a week after LO is born. I know my mom will be really helpful. She's already said she's coming down to help, not to have a vacation with the baby. Of course, I am sure she'll get plenty of cuddle time. My MIL has mentioned wanting to come down for a long weekend soon after the baby is born, and to be honest, I imagine that her visit will be much less helpful. Maybe she'll prove me wrong, but based on past experiences, and what she's said so far, it doesn't sound like she plans to be super helpful. I told DH that no matter what, he needs to be off of work while she is here, haha! 

mrscountry527

My parents are retired and live 10mins away. They've always been a big help with babysitting and I know they will help when #3 arrives. They've already said they will come over to get my older 2 and take them to school twice a week. My car won't fit 3 car seats anyways, and we don't plan to buy a new one till January. DH is in nursing school full time and works full time so I won't get much help there. I wouldn't be able to do this without my parents help!!

SuperSecretStatus

My mom already lives with me. DH is gone to school until early Dec, and we don't know if/when we'll see each other again even after that. My grandparents are coming in Sept to keep DD1 while my mom goes to the hospital with me. They will probably stay a month total like they did when DD1 was born.

My family is always a huge help. I don't know what I've do without them.

shelbell1028

Unless I have a c-section I don't plan on wanting or needing any help. The first couple of weeks DH, DD, DS and I will be spending time together and adjusting to being a family of four. Will our families come visit for a couple of hours here and there? Sure. But they will be coming over to spend time with us and meet the baby not to help.

CNYBride05

We had a pp doula for 16 hrs the 1st week. She was not helpful. We had my mom here for the 2nd week. It was great. You will want some help around the house so you can focus on the baby.

MrsBlindLove

We don't live anywhere near either of our families. My mom is planning on coming for the birth and a bit after, then MIL is coming for a week or two, and then my dad and step-mom are coming for a week and a half. We are sending out an e-mail a week or so before the birth just to let everyone know what we could use the most help with like cooking, errands, laundry, cleaning, and loving support. I am really nervous about having so many people and dealing with all that comes with postpartum but DH is ready and willing to tell everyone to leave us alone if we need it. If I didn't think he could handle it I don't know about having all the people around.

dandymum

My parents live in town and aren't too far away. but they both work and after work they help take care of my nephew so I don't know how much help they will ultimately be able to provide. I think what I would need help with most is meals . Other than that, I think I could manage. My FIL wouldn't be of much help. My MIL lives over an hour away and I think she would be more annoying to have around than helpful. 

laurakaz13

Both MIL and my mom came for a month one after the other.  I did need their help and really, really appreciated it.  They cooked, shopped, cleaned a bit, taught me a lot about taking care of the baby, gave me breaks to nap, shower, etc.  It was great! 

marianaz0

Both my parents and my fiance's parents live a 5-10 minute drive from us. We feel very lucky! And have graciously accepted all the help they have offered. My mom, mil and fil plan on coming over basically daily to allow us to shower/ nap, have offered to help with the dogs, cleaning and cooking. Whatever it is that we need for that day. We hope to be very self sufficient and not need a whole lot of extra help as I'm making tons of freezer meals ahead and hope to have tbd house baby ready by 36 weeks and we will be setting a doggie schedule but were first time parents and not sure what to expect. I don't feel having them here will take away 'bonding time' nor do he and I care if they just show up, we have an open door policy in our home. Again very grateful and thankful our families are so excited to be a part of lil lamb chops life and help so much!!

notkateanymore

I had no issue bonding with the baby with family helping. It was nice. As long as they don't smother you or overstep, it will be nice to have some help.

bubbasloveshak

With each of my pregnancies so far my Mom and Step-Dad have come to stay with us.  We have no family within 5 hours of where we live and with each child DH was just being promoted to a new position for work so it was not so easy for him to take time off.  He took off the days that I was in the hospital but that was about it.  With DS my Mom and Step-Dad and my inlaws were with us as we were moving 10 days after DS was born, so we needed all of the extra hands we could get between having a 2 year old, a 100lb dog, moving and a newborn, it was a ridiculously hectic time for all of us.

With this pregnancy DH currently works 40+ miles away from our home, I have DD who starts full day kindergarten in 2 weeks and DS who is 3, so clearly I need someone to be here during the day in case I have to go to the hospital.  My Mom and Step-Dad will actually be with us for most of the month of September due to the fact that I tend to have my babies 8 days before my actual due date and we are yet again moving before, during or after the baby arrives...not planned, and totally don't wish it on anyone.

My Mom and I are very close, I am an only child and when DC#1 was 9 months old my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, so any time I get to spend with her, and she with her Grandkids is a plus in my book.

That being said, it is a personal decision, my DH tends to get a little frazzled with guests staying with us for so long, but he is also out of the house full time during the day and clearly I would have a lot to contend with on my own, so I welcome the help.  Unless he is planning on taking a few weeks off to stay at home and help me (which he is not and can not since he is a school administrator and they go back right before I am due), he will just have to realize that the guests are there to help.

Violet1372

I do not want either my or DHs mom around for easily the first 2 weeks. if they want to stop by for an hour or so maybe once a week that is fine. but they need to call first. other than that it will be me, DH, & baby getting used to each other. 

olga1311

We live down the street from my parents so they will be over a lot I am sure. DH is also taking 2 weeks after delivery to be home with be and baby. His mom is very gung ho about coming up (lives in different state) so we asked her to come 2 weeks after birth so she can help after DH goes back to work. She seems to think I will need a lot of help but I feel like I would rather just get into the groove of things on my own first and get used to the life with newborn. She is well meaning I just can't see the necessity of help of 4 other adults just for one baby...

roo1oo

All of my family is local, so they will more likely be stopping by during the day to help when they can. Everyone has told me to call if we need help, but some are already planning meals for us and my SIL was talking about visiting on her days off during the first few weeks. Both MIL and my mom don't work, and both would come over and just do what needed to be done without me asking, so I feel pretty good that people will be around to help if we need it. I don't expect to need it unless I end up with a c-section or anemia or something and need to stay in bed for a week (the anemia seems common for the first birth in my family). DH will be home for at least the first week, maybe longer, and I have no issue with scooting off to my bedroom with LO when I need to.

Arielle27

This is our third (3u3). We haven't had any help from family with any of the newborns. Wish we did!

docco11

My mom and I are estranged so nope she won't be here.  My dad is a Disney grandpa and will be visiting for 5 days over Thanksgiving...2 months after LO arrives.  In laws are eldery and will also be coming over Thanksgiving and will not be able to offer any help.  I am having a csection, my husband is taking a week off (the most he can take) and I have a cousin coming 3 week after. 

All of our close family and friends live long distance so we are on our own!

Shaunamae87

I'm just going to see how it goes. I would probably want my mom to stay a night or two just because I'm a first timer, but then again my place is kind of small and I don't want to feel cramped. So we will see. No real plans.

VVT3111

from what i know, no one is helping me. my mom is in ohio and my dad is not great with kids. just a few hi and kisses and laughs here and there for him and he's gone haha. and my mother in law works EVERYDAY and i would feel bad to ask for help but more than likely knowing her she's gonna offer. my siblings are too young and one is in college. so really i think it's just going to be me and baby. lol. and husband cause he's having two weeks off for the baby.